Confessions of a Desperate Housewife

Six

2012-01-12T16:42:00.003-06:00

Scott,

Time dulls but never takes away the pain. The other day I had a note that said "remember those you love who are gone, hold their memory close". Doing that today, and every day. Missing you always.

The Misadventures of Pip the Wonderpup

2012-01-08T22:11:00.002-06:00

Pip in the cone of shame

I have, what can only be described as, the world’sworst dog. Luckily for him he is also the world’s most adorable dog. I’ve beentold more than once I should write a book about his misadventures. I’ll settleon a blog post for now.

I’ve chronicled here how Pip came to bein our possession, or rather we came to be in his possession because, let’sface it, he owns us. Ask him, or anyone else who may have made the littlemonsters acquaintance, they’ll tell you. He runs the show around these parts.He barks and these humans do his bidding.

Pip has this obnoxious habit, which I can only assumehe inherits from the terrier blood, of putting whatever he is chewing on at thetime underneath the furniture. When he was a baby it was adorable because hecould fit under the bookshelf or the television stand and retrieve his toy.Now, he can only bark and dig at my carpet until we’ve finally had enough andretrieve his toy for him. After two or three or one time of this we’ve hadenough and take his toys away. This leads him to wander off in search of someother entertainment. That is usually a pair of underwear that he chews and thenhides in his den, errr under my bed. Sometimes he finds less personal things tochew on and eats the eyes off a stuffed animal a young girl has saved her moneyto purchase from the American Girl Doll store or a pair of mittens in the shapeof an animal. That leads me to have several hours of wondering if this will bethe time whatever he ate decides to get caught up in his intestines and causeus to spend the monthly grocery budget on a trip to the emergency vet.

Pip was becoming a very naughty little boy who had tospend several hours every day running around the yard peeing on all the treesand bushes and stray toys so that every other dog who lives in the neighborhoodknew this was his territory. He also had a nasty habit of trying to eat anyonewho dared make the unforgivable mistake of trying to visit any of his people.It was time for the big snip snip. After a few days of babying the baby he wasback up and running. It didn’t seem to slow him down in the least. He was soinsane still that he broke his cone of shame and had to have it removed a fewdays early. He would just smash into the walls or the back of our legs like hedidn’t have the thing on. It was the oddest thing. Our bushes are happy toreport they are urine free but our friends will tell you he still tries to eatthem. I’ve had to resort to arming people with treats when they come in as anoffering to the evil ruler Pippen.

Then there’s the order of the pack thing that I swearwe’ve never had to deal with until now. All these dogs we’ve had over the yearsknow their place but this one thinks we should know our place. In his world theleader of the pack as me, I rule the world. He thinks he shares the second spotwith the rest of the family except Bean. He clearly rules her. She walksthrough the house and he bites her ankles. She tries to correct him and he snapsat her. Heaven forbid she tries to take him out to go potty. The few times shetried I had to go bring him back from the neighbor’s yard. This is a situationthat we have to work on. Obviously the kids is higher up in the pack than thecat, even the cat gets more respect than Bean does!

All of these things would lead you to ask yourself whywe haven’t sent him packing. I’ll tell you why, I’m afraid he’d find us andkill us all in our sleep. I kid. I think. Really, he is so cute. That’s whatkeeps him alive most days. In the morning he doesn’t want to go out until he’shad his daily snuggle. He spends a good 15 minutes every morning begging me torub his belly and covering my face with sweet doggy kisses. Then there is theafternoon nap that he must spend on my lap. Whenever I speak to him he cockshis head to the side in an attempt to tell me he hears me and knows exactlywhat I’m saying to him. I could go on and on about what a cutie he is but I don’twant you getting sick and quite frankly a naughty dog is more fun to readabout. I’ve always been a cat person but there is something about this littleguy that has completely turned my world upside down. I’d take ten more justlike him. I’ll let you know when I plan to get them so you can buy stock inVictoria’s Secret.

2011 A Year in Review

2011-12-30T10:53:00.007-06:00

Another year is drawing to a close. It hardly seems possible. The years, they fly by and leave lots of laughter and smiles and an occasional tear or two in their wake. As long as the smiles and laughter come more often than the tears I call it a successful year. This year was successful.

For a few reasons I haven't written here. Namely a reader or two who I no longer care to share any of my life with but I've decided I can't shut out those I DO want to share info with and the best revenge is a life well lived right?

So, I'm going to try writing again and filling you all in on my life. A lot of changes have happened in the last year and a half since I walked away from this blog.

Most notably my oldest son went away to war. It was hell letting go of him but our job as parents is to raise them the best we can and set them free to fly and hope they soar. I believe he is soaring.

I completely changed my course of study in college. Although photography is fun and is where my heart is, let's be realistic, it's never going to make me any money because most people with a passion for photography don't go to school to make it a career. They buy an entry level DSLR camera and charge 10 bucks for a disc of pictures. That will never pay my student loans back so I changed to a program that will support my family if I need it to.

I blogged this back when it happened in February but our 14 year old dog died. It was one of the saddest events of my life and ranks right up there with the loss of an actual human family member.

After the death of our old dog we brought in a new guy and holy moly he has turned our lives upside down and shook us around. Pip rules our world. Last week he was neutered in hopes he will try ruling our house and our car and our yard a little less. So far, no go. Good thing he is the cutest, sweetest boy I've ever laid eyes on outside of my actual human sons.

That's about it for the update of the last year. So much has happened that I have no idea how to put into words. My world is always changing but I'm a whole lot less resistant to it than I used to be. I'm learning that kids grow up and move away and no matter how hard you try to raise them right they will ultimately make their own decisions in life. I'm learning that it's best to never open yourself up fully to any person. A soul must always keep secrets to spare itself untold pain. That was the hardest lesson I've ever learned in life. I've learned that friends come and go and some of them you aren't at all sad to see go but your family will always be there for you and love you and to treat them with love and respect is of utmost importance. One would think that was a given, not so much. Life is a learning experience and I'm glad to say I'm always learning and morphing. I had a reminder of that this month. A few people from my very long ago past made contact with me and I realized the path I was on and the path I'm on now are barely even on the same planet. Always learning and growing.

I sincerely hope your 2012 is happy and prosperous and full of as much joy as you can suck out of it. I hope the smiles out way the tears ten to one. If they don't, change your perspective. Happy New Year from my family to yours!

Naughty Pipster

2011-08-18T12:56:00.004-05:00

Last week it was 6 months since we lost our Deeogee. The hole he left in this house is one that can never be filled. He wasn't a normal dog who did dog things. He was more a presence. A fixture that we always expected to be there.
I thought I would be alright. Get used to the quiet and the loneliness but then I was left home alone for an entire day by myself and I knew I couldn't do it. I started doing some research and some searching for a new friend. I came across an add on ebay for 2 little rat terrier mix puppies. Getting a mixed breed was a must for us for different reasons. A tri-colored and a black. I really wanted the tri but was told he had been given away so I kept looking. The owner emailed me back and said the people decided not to take the tri-colored pup if we were still interested. Of course we were! We made arrangements to meet them about an hour north of the cities the following weekend to pick up the pup.
The day dawned with a full on blizzard but we went anyway. It was the most hair raising ride there but we picked our little munchkin up at the Cabela's store. He was so tiny! He weighed 3 pounds and fit perfectly in the crook of my arm.

The first few weeks with him were long and exhausting. We never slept, we had to potty train him in several feet of snow piled up in the yard. It was an adventure to say the least but I'm so glad Shawn was laid off and was able to help. He took early morning shift so I could sleep and watched him while I was at school. For the first month he went every where with us. It didn't take him long to ingrain himself into the fabric of our lives.

In a few weeks we will have had him for 6 months and he our lives still revolve around him. He's funny and cute and smarter than a whip. Our giant lab bows down to him and treats him like he's a giant and she's the little dog. The only family member that still hasn't accepted him is the cat but he's starting to come around.

Our life with this little guy is never boring. Meet Pippen Joe. Ruler of the Universe. Pip for short. Isn't he cute as a button?

What Love Looks Like

2011-02-13T12:36:00.003-06:00

When I met my husband he had this tiny little dog with the biggest attitude. The dog was not at all disciplined, he ran away all the time earning me a dog at large ticket at one point. He also bit everyone he could find to latch his teeth into including my nephew, a girl I babysat and myself. I told hubby either the dog was fixed or he had to get rid of him. He had him fixed.
From that day on he was the sweetest gentelest dog anyone had ever known unless someone messed with his new family. He was fierce at protecting us and fended off an intruder one night when the kids and I were home alone.
He also thought he was a cat. A mother cat for that matter. We had a kitten who Deeogee bathed and protected as if he gave birth to it.
He adopted my small son as his boy and the two have been inseperable for all these years.
He truly became part of our family.
Friday night our beloved old man crossed The Rainbow Bridge. It was quick and he did not suffer and for that we are thankful.
I will miss his constant company. Someone to talk to during the day while I am going about my business. Someone to follow me everywhere. Someone to feed the last few bites of my sandwhich to. Someone to lie beside me on the floor at night and snore softly. Most of all I will miss the sound of his nails on the hardwood and the feel of his soft head on my hand and the 5 single strands of white fur at the end of his tail.
See ya one day old man.

Five

2011-01-12T12:02:00.003-06:00

One, two, three, four, and now five. Those are how many years that have gone by since you went away. The wound of your death is now a scar. Happy Anniversary in heaven Scott. I will always miss you.

And the beginning...
Memories
Scott

Is it appropraite to name a post "grrrr"?

2011-01-11T14:27:00.004-06:00

2011? How did that happen?

2011-01-04T19:20:00.004-06:00

Happy 2011!! How did we get here already? 2010 went by faster than a blink. Good riddance to that crapfest I say!

I have gotten all sorts of grief about not writing here. I could tell you all the reasons I haven't written but they are long and boring and maybe I can use them for material at some point.

It is coming up on the 5th anniversary of Scott's death. I cannot believe it has been more than five years since I have seen my pal. Wow.

School starts next week. I changed my major. I love photography. Don't get me wrong. It is still my passion and who I am inside but it will never pay the bills. I don't regret going to school for it. The wealth of info I have gained is immeasurable. I learned the much needed technical side in addition to honing my inner eye. People remain my second favorite thing to shoot. Nature will always be the heart of my photography. That and my favorite fat cat.

That's about all I have for now. I'm here. You can follow my photography at www.facebook.com/photosbynature or www.facebook.com/capturedbychelle

I promise to check in more often.

The North Shore

2010-10-11T12:52:00.007-05:00

This last weekend the children and I ventured to the north shore to spend some quality time with their dad. It really was some of the best family time we have ever spent together. Not to mention the opportunity for beautiful photography. This one here is my favorite taken over the weekend. I plan on having it printed in a lovely 16x24 size and hanging it above my desk.

2010-09-03T13:01:00.002-05:00

Do you ever hear something that instantly makes you think KARMA? Just wondering. You can only be a self centered bitch for so long before it catches you.

I am so full of small thoughts today not small as in small as in I don't have anything lengthy to post on any one comment. Just short snippets. Like.....

I hate when people give my phone number out to their bill collectors. I have enough of my own calling me, I don't want your calling me too. Thank you very much.

Don't you hate when people who have spent their whole life dodging responsibility to their children, who have never done a meaningful thing for them beyond donating their sperm, think their child owes them something?

Sometimes we all need a mulligan in life. To just change the things that are seemingly small that end up to be huge life changing decisions.

Besides those few things that bug me I am doing really well. Loving being back to school and will love it even more when the kids go back. Excited to be taking pictures for a purpose instead of for pleasure again. Loving learning so much more about photoshop.

Yeah...I really got nothing. Have a great day!

Belle

2010-08-03T14:35:00.000-05:00

Sky

2010-08-03T14:29:00.005-05:00

Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?

Kitty Love

2010-06-22T21:11:00.004-05:00

You know how they ( I have no idea who they is) say that when a cat leaves a dead animal lying on your doorstep its because the cat loves you and is giving you a present?
Well my cat must adore us. In the last week he has brought me the back half of a pocket gopher and the heart and the liver, the front half of a pocket gopher and today just a gopher head and the heart and kidney.
Alright Linus. You love us. Mind bringing home a pile of cash?

Edit: 6/24
Caught him with a dead gopher in the garage this afternoon. He was gnawing its head off. Disgusting cat.

Karma

2010-06-21T23:01:00.002-05:00

I'm a firm believer in Karma. I'm from the school of do good things and good things will happen, do bad things and bad things will happen. Ala Earl Hickey.
I have always been a friend to the spiders of the world. I'm not afraid of them, they don't make me squeal like most girls. I have never had the need to call my husband home to be a spider annihilator for me. I always just scoop them up and put them outside. I want us to co-exist, just not in the same house.
Last Monday I was helping my daughter clean up her room when I came across one of those really large black hairy nasty spiders. I scooped him up on a piece of paper and tried walking out of the room with him, headed for the outdoors. He wanted no part of the beautiful Minnesota summer and kept jumping off the paper. I kept scooping, he kept jumping. I finally tired of his game and smashed his ass.
The very next night I was bitten in my sleep by a spider. I remember vaguely itching it in the middle of the night. Then the bite was quickly forgotten until Friday when I woke up with a large red, hot to the touch, tender and itchy patch around the bite site. I knew something wasn't quite right. Turns out my spider bite was infected.
The friends of fuzzy black spider had avenged the cold blooded murder of their friend.

Today I was working on a long over due landscaping project. I was removing sod from against the house. Perfect spider hiding area. They were everywhere. I couldn't blink without another spider scuttling out and up the wall. I'll admit I smashed a ton of spiders today, tonight I am afraid to go go sleep.
Karma is a bitch.

Lions and Tigers and Ticks? Oh My!

2010-06-01T21:08:00.003-05:00

Over the long Memorial Day weekend we as a family ventured off for our traditional camping trip. I don't know when this started. Could be as far back as when I was in 8th grade and went with my brothers to Guernsey Lake. Anyhow, I don't remember when I picked it up with my own family but its what we do. Usually. This year was not to be like all the other years. The threat of rain, two small kids and a hubby who hates to camp sent our camping companions back to town 24 hours early. The threat of rain, a waterproof-less tent, a tired Mom and a sick Dad sent us back to town 14 hours or so early. We came home and set up the tent in the garage for the kids, built a fire in the fire bowl in the driveway and let the kids at it. They all ended up in the house but they had fun thinking they were still in control of camping. It never did rain more than a sprinkle but that's okay. That was 14 less hours the ticks had to crawl on us. Yuck!

Harvey

2010-05-06T21:07:00.000-05:00

As promised. Harvey and I.

God Speed, Speed.

2010-04-30T13:01:00.004-05:00

I can't believe it, time rolls by so quickly. It has already been a week since we buried one of the greatest men I have ever known.
Before I was born my Mom was married to my brothers Dad. They divorced, Mom remarried, I was born and then my sister. Luckily for my sister and I my Mom kept a good relationship with her ex husbands family. That family took my sister and I in and loved us like we were their own blood. They certainly didn't have to.
Grandma Fritz was one of my favorite people and to this day I aspire to be the kind of loving, giving, accepting person she was. Grandpa Speed was a great man, he served in world war 2 after he was already married and already a father. He came back to the states ran a farm and later his own car company. As I kid I thought GMC stood for Gulley Motor Company. It was at that car dealership one Easter Gramps had a give away that included a huge Easter basket and the largest stuffed rabbit I have ever seen in my life. That rabbit was taller than a little me was. Probably a good 5 feet or so. Well one day while at my Grandma Bower's house there was a knock at the door. That knock was for my, it was Grandpa Speed delivering that huge stuffed rabbit. The rabbit I was never entered to win. Favortism? Maybe, after all I wasn't blood related so it was perfectly legal for me to win. That rabbit was named Harvey and became my best friend for several years. I had no secrets that Harvey didn't know.
That was the kind of man Gramps was. He took in several grand kids over the years when there parents were unable to care for them for whatever reason. There house was a refuge for many a stray teenager over the years. He and Grandma Fritz were amazing people.
When I learned of Gramps death I cried of course but not from sadness. He lived 91 years on this earth, 21 of them without his beloved Fritz. I cried tears of joy that he and Grandma would now be reunited in heaven. Two Friday's ago heaven became a better place. Rest in peace Gramps.

PS I promise to locate a picture of Harvey and I and post it.

'Mater

2010-03-28T21:28:00.003-05:00

My husband is super gardener. I think it may be the only thing in life he truly enjoys besides hunting. Every year he tends to get a jump on starting the garden way to early. He tills in February if we have no snow. Okay, that's probably an exaggeration. Definitely March though. This year he decided to start his plants indoors the beginning of February.

He just asked me if I thought 17 tomato plants are to many. Lord help us all, we still have whole tomatoes in the freezer from last summers garden and that was only 5 plants. Hope the neighbors are prepared to have enough tomatoes to can with.

Hannah in the prized garden.

Facebook

2010-03-25T10:58:00.003-05:00

Did you know....that my photos are on facebook? Lots more photos than I have the time or patience to post here. Photos of people and animals and floods and buildings. Lots and lots of photos. Why aren't you a fan? You would see stuff like this......

Become a fan!!

Nothin'

2010-03-14T19:21:00.002-05:00

So it's been 3 weeks and a few days since I haven't smoked. Mind boggling to me. It has been much easier than I ever imagined. I've made it through a blow out with my husband, a drunken attack by a friend and a bunch of smaller things and haven't caved. I am well aware that I am minutes away from caving at any given time and that's the craving I fight.

For quite some time a major source of stress between my husband and I was my supreme unhappiness at being any where but home near my family. It has been at the root of every major fight we have ever had and the source of any and all depression I've ever had. I have bitched and moaned and complained since the day we moved here that I hate it here and I want to go home. I have given it plenty of time and opportunity and I have tried to be happy here and for a time I was. For about 4 years we had friends that felt like family and I was truly happy here. They moved, others moved, I tried but eventually started hating this place again. Winter, coupled with quitting smoking, Shawn being laid off again and a bunch of other things brought that familiar homesick feeling back to the surface.
In the past when I tried to discuss these feelings with my husband I was met with reasons we can't leave. Reasons why he won't leave and most of the time he flat out pretended he was deaf when I would bitch. Something was much different this time though. I put my feelings out there, he put his feelings out there and he agreed we could go back. I know we can't. We have far too many responsibilities here but it is nice to have him understand how I feel instead of making excuses. It is amazing how much lighter my heart feels.
Now if I could make a decision about the other thing that is weighing heavily on my mind I might be completely free and breezy. That is a feeling I could live with!

2 weeks and a question

2010-03-04T19:05:00.002-06:00

I have been smoke free for 2 weeks!

Things I like about not smoking....

The smell of things. I can smell so many things now that I couldn't before.
Not smelling bad! My hair smells so yummy and so does my pillow.
Breathing easier.
All the extra money I don't notice I have. Seriously. How did afford cigarettes? There doesn't seem to be one extra dime in the checking account.
Did I mention the smells?

Things I miss about smoking...

My sanity. Has anyone seen my sanity?
The ability to make it through the day without tears.
Having something to do. I am so bored. What do I do with all the time I spent smoking?

My question for my readers that have quit smoking...did you fall into a crushing depression? I feel so out of sorts. Sad. Full of hate. Hopeless. Blech. This is so not me.
I don't even know if the two have anything to do with each other. The timing just seems to be there. The thing is I have no desire to smoke at all. I have very few cravings. I truly feel done and I feel happy about that so why the depression? Cabin fever? Any thoughts anyone?

Oooh that smell....

2010-02-21T15:21:00.003-06:00

So some of you may remember the hell that was Chantix.
I am in a whole different sort of hell right now but it's a good hell if hell can be good.

4 days ago I quit smoking!! I really wanted to blog about this but it was hard to type the words with my hands balled into fists.

Last Monday I came down with cold. It sucked. Around 7:30 Wednesday night, I could barely breathe through my stuffed up nose but there I was sucking on a cigarette. How stupid of me I thought, then I made a split second decision. I said, in my head cause out loud would have made me think myself a bit crazy, I said, help me through this, take care of me and I'll take care of myself. I would like to report that from there it was all sunshine and roses, that I have been walking on a cloud bathed in sunshine but that would be a total lie and I don't want to lie to you. It has been hell, pure hell, hell mixed with more hell, covered with hell, with more hell poured on top. Glorious hell.

So that was Wednesday night. Thursday I did really well. I woke up, made myself a doctors appointment over the phone which I cried through, yelled at my husband for even suggesting I drive myself, cried some more. Cried even more on the drive there. So i'll admit, At roughly 11:22 I caved and smoked so I could speak to the doctor like a half sane woman. Thursday night I had 2 drags. How freakin' gross it tasted. I man nasty, gross wanna throw up gross. That was the last one. No more giving in.

Friday was great. I walked around with my fists clenched, my teeth clenched and kept myself very busy. Not only was I still feeling like shit, I skipped my studio shoot and wasn't smoking. Really it wasn't all that bad. I kept myself rather busy. Instead of driving 35 minutes into the studio I walked 35 seconds downstairs and spent the entire day in my own studio. I came up with some fairly good stuff if I do say so myself. I watched Shawn start his garden in-doors and went to Sky's presidential conference, where I didn't cry, snap at anyone of clench my teeth. Score!!

Saturday was a whole other story. I would like to pretend Saturday didn't happen if you don't mind. Saturday I spent the entire day bouncing between crying like a baby, screaming at my husband and cleaning to stay busy. That is all I did the entire day. I think I cried and screamed more than cleaned. Lets just says it was one of those days that i'm not proud to admit happened. At some point I called my Mom in tears. She probably has no idea what the hell I was saying but she is a good Mommy, assured me I am strong and can do this and that she is proud of me. I ended the day from hell with movies, locked in my room all alone.

Which leads to today. DAY 4!! God I love day 4. Day 4 I have only had a few easy peasy
I love day 4!!
I think I can do this ya'll!

PS the worst side effect I wasn' prepared for is the ability to smell. Nothing like the smell of stale cigarette smell, rotten feet and nasty assed dog. cravings. I haven't yelled or balled or clenched. My fingernails are the only casualties of the day and I only called my Mom for a recipe. Not to cry.

Canon vs. Sony

2010-02-14T11:27:00.004-06:00

So, let me start this buy saying I am in love with my Sony dslr. I have been a Sony shooter for quite some time and really like a lot of things that Sony has to offer.
Sony however does not offer the ability to shoot tethered to my laptop unless I buy the $2300 full frame camera. Yeah, no.
I need to be able to shoot tethered so I did a bit of research. My number one need beyond the ability to shoot tethered was cost. I have thousands of dollars into my Sony. I planned to still use it as my main camera and buy a cheap Canon to shoot those things I need to shoot tethered.
I ended up settling on a Canon eos XSi. Cheap, a lot of megapixels, tethered software, cheap, cheap.
We had an old lens lying around here off our old Canon film slr. Another reason to choose Canon.

Yesterday afternoon I decided to do a side by side comparison. Sony vs Canon. I knew my Sony was going to win. I mean I was giving it the unfair advantage of my 1.8 50 mm lens. I like to refer to that lens as my lover. I armed the Canon with the kit lens. A 3.5-5.6 18-55 mm. I really wanted my Sony to win. I put them both on the macro setting and started shooting away. Here is the best shot both of them took. Keep in mind it is the same exact flower.
You failed me Sony, you failed me.

Crawdad, crawfish, craydaddy. Whatever

2010-01-28T17:02:00.002-06:00

So we have a fish tank full of non standard fair and everything must have a name. We have Turts and Fate the turtles. Goldie and Hawn the goldfish. Orangie and ornga ba dornga sma mornga the small goldfish. Bullet the silver fish who was the last of the ice fishing bait. Sadly his partner Silver died. Hoover the sucker fish and a bunch of other fish whose names escape me because to be fair there are far to many to keep track of.

Last summer Shawn added a crawdad (crawfish, whatever) to the tank. I wouldn't allow anyone to name him because names mean attachments and I wanted to make sure this thing could actually survive before the kids made him a part of the fish tank family. I have secretly been calling him Mr. Crabs. Today I made the awful mistake of calling him that name in front of Skylee and was sorely reprimanded because he isn't a hermit crab or a fiddler crab or any other kind of crab, according to Sky.
So, dear readers, I need your help. What do you suggest we name or crawdad?

Four

2010-01-13T13:06:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I rushed around getting ready for school. My first day back at school for the new semester. I left home just a little bit later than I wanted. It took just a little bit longer to get my morning cup of coffee than I wanted it to. I felt just a little bit sick. Okay, a lot sick. This cold is kicking my butt. Not like my last cold where I was down for 5 weeks and really wasn't a cold at all but was the dreaded swine flu with a bit of bronchitis thrown in for good measure. Besides all that I was in a good mood, excited for the first day of school. Just as I was pulling into Jordan I looked over at the train tracks and it all came rushing back to me. I had made it a full hour into my day before I realized it was the day. 4 years earlier at this exact time you were here. Were you getting ready for work? Driving to work? Already at work? I'll never know. I blinked the tears back out of my eyes, the tears I knew would come, would have to come but would have to wait and went about my day trying not to think of you. I couldn't let you in just yet.

I knew on my way home I would have to go to you. Well, not to you exactly but to the place I feel you. The place you lost your life, or it was stolen. The place that holds part of my heart still.
I imagined what I would say to you. "Hi. It's me. I miss you" I would scream into the wind. "Why did you leave? I need to talk to you. I need my friend." This is when the tears started to come. When I pictured your face, thought of all the things I wanted to say.

I veered off 169 to go to the place. The road that winds to the place causes me to tense up still. I feel like I can't breathe every time i'm on that road. I whipped into the parking lot and was foiled by the mounds of snow dumped onto the back road that leads to the tree your semi landed on. The tree that is still broken and blackened from the death of you. "Shit" I said out loud. I swear I heard you laugh. Back out onto the road that causes me to not be able to breath. Across the tracks of the train which took away my best friend. How in the hell do I get down there I thought to myself and then it came to me. The lone footprints of one person who had walked down to your tree. I would have to walk down there too.
The rest I know you had a hand in. I know you were poking fun at me. Laughing. By time I made it down to your tree my heart was hammering, sweat pouring down my face. Legs shaking. You were laughing as I was walking in 12 inches of snow. I stood in front of your tree still broken and black. I shook my head, looked up at the sky. Felt the wind pick up and heard the tinkle of bells. The bells turned out to be something blowing on the fence surrounding the baseball field. The bells turned out to be you. You laughing, always laughing. Laughing with me, laughing at me. You always there with me. I miss you, more than I missed you four years ago today. Every day that goes by I think of you but now I can think of you without crying. I can think of you without feeling like someone punched me in the heart. I can think of you through a thinner veil of pain, a veil than only time can wear down and I thank you for being my friend, one of the best. My partner in crime and the person who "got" me far more than most anyone else has. Thanks for being you.
That's what I wanted to say yesterday before you had your fun with me in the snow.

Hot Shots

2010-01-09T15:39:00.003-06:00

Sometimes you have to toot your own horn because no one else is going to toot it for you. These were taken a few months back as a gift for a boyfriend. Go tell Cat how hot she looks cause lord knows she looks hot and lord know she was never going to post them on her own blog.

300!

2010-01-09T14:28:00.004-06:00

It's my 300th post ya'll!

I have nothing special planned for this 300th post. I don't even have anything all that pressing to get off my chest. No really funny stories to share. Nothing!

I had the kids get dressed up in their winter clothes this morning and herded everyone down to the studio. I had a very specific type of photo in mind and I think I nailed it!

Why the studio and not outside you ask? Why, because it's 4 degrees below the zero out there today. I just don't function in that kind of weather!

Here is what I took today.

Rock Star

2010-01-02T16:57:00.003-06:00

I am probably jinxing myself but with one day left of Christmas break I'll take my chances.
I have to say. I have been blown away with how well my kids have behaved this vacation but one kid imparticular. Matt has been a rock star with his sisters! This is unusual.
He has taken them outside to play in the snow every day of vacation except for yesterday and today and I had to tell them no. It has been subzero highs the last 2 days.
He has played games with them, hung out with them and generally entertained them with only a little bit of harassment and pestering thrown in. Yesterday he and Sky hung out almost the entire day together playing on their laptops. Right now he is letting Hannah beat him up. She is kicking his butt and he is allowing it. Silly kids.
Having said all that, I am sooooo ready for them to go back to school!

Because everyone is doing it.....

2009-12-31T10:23:00.003-06:00

....I will too. A year in review. Sorta. Just the highlights.

In 2009 my son became a legal adult, joined the military, went to basic training, graduated basic training and made me the proudest Mama on the planet.

In 2009. I went back to school for something I love and am good at and made my Mama the proudest Mama on the planet. I am carrying a 3.5 GPA which is astonishing if you knew me back in high school and college the first time.

In 2009 Shawn was laid off..twice! We have lived through both.

In 2009 Skylee turned a decade old.

In 2009 I made it through another year of not killing Shawn's dog.

In 2009 the Democrats took control and made me very hopeful for the future...at least temporarily.

In 2009 I posted 100 pictures in 100 days.

In 2009 my Grandmother passed away exactly one week before my birthday.

Lots of other things happened in 2009 but those are what stand out in my mind without going back through my archives and looking. Who wants to look back anyway?? I hope 2010 is better than 2009. I hope the new decade is better than the last decade. More peaceful. One can hope right?
Happy OH TEN readers!

Disgruntled...line 2

2009-12-29T10:32:00.002-06:00

I am seriously disgruntled with the town I live in. I hate this place. More than once I have regretted our decision to move to this back ass thinking, stuck in the past, do nothing town.

A few weeks ago the chief of police was fired. He supposedly wasn't doing his paperwork. The real reason I suspect is because he isn't from this area. This place shuns newcomers. The people who have lived here forever ask what side of town you live in. If you say the south side they back away and act like you are about to breathe the dreaded swine flu on them. If you are from the south side you live in the new houses. The houses they never wanted built. The chief that was fired lives on the south side.

We over her don't get our roads plowed very well. The roads over here resemble an ice rink. The roads on the north side are plowed down to the concrete and no one will die just trying to get to the gas station over there.
Speaking of plows, the jackass plow driver took our mail box out on Christmas Eve. Yesterday I was told that they would replace it if the plow hit it but not if the weight of the snow pushed it over. They will go out there and dig it out to see if there is a pock mark from the blade on the cement. If there isn't we are responsible. If there is we are responsible for putting a new one in and they will pay. I know for a fact there won't be a mark there and they won't replace it. Not because the plow didn't hit it but just because we live on the wrong side of town.
I would be all for selling and moving if we could get what we owe but we can't. The house across the street is listed for $65,000 less than what we paid for ours. Yep, I hate this town.

Brrrr!

2009-12-09T15:48:00.003-06:00

Brrrr! Darnit, its cold outside! We had a huge storm here last night and now the wind and severe cold have settled in. Is it spring yet??
Today this blog got it's first hater. How awesome is that? I have some jackass that hates me enough to leave me a shitty comment calling me a bitch that he even dug through the archives! Sweet!
Oh and this is the last week of school for the semester, then I have a whole month off! That is even sweeter.
Later gators!

Mommy Moment of the Day

2009-12-01T19:21:00.004-06:00

We are down to the last 2 weeks of school. Things are crazy busy here with all the final projects I am working on, one on one time with the kids has been extremely limited. When Hannah asked if she could jump in the shower with me tonight I jumped at the chance to spend some time with her.
As I was squirting shampoo in my hand she stuck her hand out so I gave her some too and started scrubbing at my hair. She soon pipes up and says "I am doing everything you do, I'm just like you!"
She washed her hair the same and rinsed it at the same time I did. She applied conditioner and allowed it to sit on her hair while she washed her body the exact same way I did. Armpits and belly then legs. She was so determined to do it exactly the way I did and mimicked me exactly until I sat down in the bottom of the shower to shave my legs. She sat down too and started brushing her teeth. After all she can't be exactly like me!
That one there, she is too darned cute for her own good!!

In other news, I got a new lens in the mail today. I am in lens love with it, took it out and fired off some practice shots. I think this lens may take my photography to a whole new level. Exciting stuff!

In Your Face...

2009-11-25T07:45:00.003-06:00

Generally I try to avoid the news because of my new found anxiety disorder. Not having the news on 24/7 is definitely new to me, I used to be a complete news junkie. There was rarely a news story I hadn't heard. Not anymore. Now the news induces panic. I cannot bare to hear about all the misery in the world. All of those horrible things could happen to me or worse my children. Seeing a story makes my mind wander into dangerous territory so for my own sanity I have started avoiding it.

This morning was different. I was flipping through channels and came across Good Morning America's coverage of a boy who was lit on fire by several other kids for ratting one of them out to the police for theft. The story made me literally ill. It started with feeling nauseous and ended with me sitting in bed with tears rolling down my face. What kind of animals could set another child on fire? What is wrong with this world?

The young boys name was Michael and my tendency to put myself into every tragedy reared its ugly head. My stillborn son's name was Michael. Matthew's twin. The Michael on tv had beautiful blond hair and piercing blue eyes. Just like my Matthew and what my Michael would have looked like. My mind wandered from there.

So, what I am struggling with internally is do I force myself to watch the news and feel all the horrible emotions and anxiety that sit right under the surface or do I tune out, bury my head in the sand and pretend the world around me is a safe place where no evil or tragedy comes to anyone? Is this 24 hour in your face news healthy for the human race or can our minds only process small amounts. Suffering has happened for the ages but it wasn't always a click away. Has that skewed our perception of life and our place in this world?

Deep thoughts for a Wednesday.

http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerindex?id=9172454

Studio News!!

2009-11-21T08:46:00.004-06:00

Some big things are going on in my life right now and I am super excited!!
I have decided to build a small studio in the downstairs of my house! Yesterday I ordered lights, 2 new lenses and some other techie camera stuff! We drew up plans for building a half wall to keep the kids and the dog out of my area.
Exciting stuff!! Now I need to go find some backgrounds.
I should be open for sessions in a few weeks and I will be running some fabulous deals.
Like I said, I am beyond excited to get rolling with this!!

2009-11-03T18:24:00.002-06:00

A few weeks ago the kids and I were at Walmart picking up some groceries when I made the mistake of walking in front of some bitch while she was trying to decide exactly what kind or Oreo's she wanted. I walked passed her a bit and stopped to grab something (not Oreo's). She walked passed me and started grumbling to her husband about some people needing to learn some consideration. I did what any hot blooded blond woman would do. I turned to her and said "Really lady? Really? What the hell is your problem?" Her husband made a bee line to the end of the aisle as soon as I opened my mouth. He knew he wanted no part of me! Ha!

Just moments ago the girls were arguing and one says to the other..."Really lady? Really?" Doh! Right then and there I proclaimed myself mother of the year. My award is in the mail and should be delivered in 6-8 weeks....

Over The Top? Me? Well, Thank You!!

2009-11-02T18:27:00.006-06:00

So you wanna know what is really awesome??
Here I am researching my little heart out, trying to figure out the importance of adjusting the resolution of an image and using the correct color profile when printing. When my little email sound thing goes bing alerting me to an email. Of course I clicked right over to see what could be so important (and well looking for an excuse to not do the research). I had an email from Joanie letting me know that she left something for me on her blog .YAY!! I love presents!!
This is what I got!

The rules are as follows.....

~Answer the questions below using only one word (it's harder than it seems!)
~Thank the blogger who gave it to you (See above)
~Pass it on to 6 of your favorite bloggers (See below)

So here goes... Joanie you rock!! Muchas Gracias! If you all don't read her, why the hell not? You are missing out on one of the funniest, classiest, strongest, hard working women in the world. Get your asses over there!

So, on with the questions:

1. Where is your cell phone? Right behind me on the counter.
2. Your hair? depends what color I have my hairdresser color it. Usually blonde

3. Your mother? Awesome
4. Your father? Near
5. Your favorite food? Mexican
6. Your dream last night? I don't remember
7. Your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper

8. Your dream/goal? Right now, to be done with school and making some money from my photography
9. What room are you in? dining room
10. Your hobby? photography, crocheting, playing pogo, hopelessly addicted to facebook, procrastinating
11. Your fear? one of my kids dying or being badly hurt.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? RICH!! Okay just doing better because the economy is better.
13. Where were you last night? home hungover.

14. Something you aren't? meek or quiet
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. Wish list item? a really kick ass lens, studio lights, misc. camera gear.
17. Where did you grow up? Wyoming
18. Last thing you did? Research then procrastination
19. What are you wearing? sweats
20. Your TV? 50 in samsung
21. Your pets? Mine? Turts and Fate. Everyone else's. Linus, Deeogee, Clara

22. Your friends? scattered about!
23. Your life? stressful
24. Your mood? stressed out about homework
25. Missing someone? always miss my Mom.
26. Vehicle? Saturn that I want to get rid of
27. Something you're not wearing? bra
28. Your favorite store? there are waaaay to many to name
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When was the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? Friday. That bitch.
32. Your best friend? Catherine Nicole.
33. One place that I go over and over? school
34. One person who emails me regularly? facebook notifications LOL

35. Favorite place to eat? Lira's and Papa Chuy's

Now I have to give this away?? Dangit! Only 6??
So the award is called over the top so I am going to choose by who's blogs I think are over the top.
Number one is Zipbag of Bones. If she were not my best friend and I didn't know her well I would think she took a lot of drugs before she posted.

Number two is Mayhem and Magic. Melissa and I have been friends for more than 8 years. She is over the top in a great sort of way!

Third is Better Terms. I have been reading Lisa since I first jumped into this blog game waaaaaay back in the AOL journals days. Lisa is everything I used to want to be in my past life before I changed dreams mid way. She owns a cafe and has my very same political views. How could I not love her?

Four is Nine Peas in A pod. I don't even know how I found Deb or how long ago but she has quickly become one of my favorite reads. She just married a hot guy and inherited a bunch more kids. She is like Super Woman.

Five is Shooting with Slinky. Lenora is one of my favorite photographers. Her images are hugely inspirational for me and I often tell people when I grow up I want to be as good at it as she is.

Last but not least is Sapphire Springs. Formally known as Lunatic Factory. I think Kate's blog is the first one I ever read. She like me is nutso in love with her cats and one of her favorite little dude's in the whole world is named Talan.

My itty bitty baby toe

2009-10-20T19:51:00.002-05:00

Have I ever blogged about the time I broke my pinkie toe? I don't think so.
It was back when I was in college the first time, I was helping my friend Kasey who was a vet tech with the horses. She asked me to walk this mare for her so I haltered her up and led her out into the corral to walk her a bit. We had barely made it out of the stable when she stepped on my foot. It hurt like heck but I kept walking her and she stepped on me again. This time the pain was more than I could bare. I had Kasey finish walking her. We loaded up and headed back into town and stopped at our friend Dan's house. I finally took my ropers off to look at my foot, it was so swollen I could barely get my boot off. My poor baby toe was broken, my foot was swollen and eventually turned all sorts of pretty colors.
I have no idea what made me remember that story. Odd how my mind works some times.

I am in the midst of midterm week at school. I made it out alive today and aced my first exam. It's tomorrow's that I am nervous about. I have an A in that class but I was looking over the study guide and realized I don't know half of what is on there. I hate feeling like a moron so I shed a few tears and got down to studying. I didn't figure anything out but I tried. Tomorrow morning I plan to go in early and ask some questions. Tonight I'm sure I will have nightmares about color theory, color space and color profile but I am determined to do well tomorrow.
I'll let you all know. Later.......

MOTD

2009-10-17T17:38:00.002-05:00

I earned the Mom of the Day award because I was able to remember Bode, Blue, Max, Sedare Cromwell, Zak, Tayna, Noah and Cupid.
The names of all Skylee's webkinz. Thank goodness Hannah didn't ask. I can't remember what hers are called.

A Decade

2009-10-03T17:20:00.004-05:00

Sis,
Today you are 10 years old, double digits, a decade old. Can you believe it? 10 years ago today my dream of having a daughter came true and the Lord blessed me with you.
In the last ten years you have grown from a pimply newborn who cried non stop for the first few days until Grandma discovered you really liked to be swaddled into a happy baby girl who loved to go for walks and would sing la la la back at Aunt Jen and I as we walked you all over the neighborhood. You grew from a little girl who no one could understand and wouldn't talk because you were shy about being understood into an outspoken young lady with lots to say and no holds barred when it comes to saying it. You grew from a newborn to a toddler to a preschooler and a kindergartner to the lovely young lady you are right now and I couldn't be more blessed to be your Mom.
You have definitely grown and changed over the decade I have been blessed to know you and I can't help but imagine what the next decade will bring for you. I hope you are always as passionate as you are now, that you continue to stand up for yourself and other when you think things are wrong. I hope you continue to be your sisters best friend and your brothers' biggest pest. I hope you always have a passion for dance, for life, for learning and for fashion but most of all I hope you always want to always be near me, to be my shadow and my mini me while continuing to grow into your own awesome person.
I am just as excited for the next 10 years as I was going into the last 10. Love, Mommy

Silhoutte

2009-09-26T19:54:00.002-05:00

I took this just a few minutes ago. Just another beautiful Minnesota sunset.

Blue Turtles and Good Luck

2009-09-25T10:59:00.004-05:00

I'm a shopper. No secret that I love me some retail therapy.
Last week at the local Barn Boutique I fell in love with a beautiful hall tree. I wanted it. Bad. I decided for one danged time to be responsible. Stupid me. I have been thinking about this thing all week and went back today thinking if it was still there I would buy it. Totally gone :(

They did have one very similar pained gray with elephant heads for hooks. Easily fixed. The lady knocked some off the price for the work I would have to do on it. She knew

if I didn't buy it no one would. Who wants elephant hooks on their wall tree? I just have to paint it white to match my bathroom and take the hooks off and replace them. Yesterday I bought some beautiful fleur de lis hooks on sale at Michael's! Luck!

I decided on my way home from the boutique to run by the local thrift store. What I found there was the big score. The score I may be talking about for years. The score that my Mom did not understand when I called her super excited to share with her.
Last weekend Shawn and I stopped at a garage sale and I found the most beautiful shaped turtle casserole dish. The price tag was $40. No way! Pass. I however have dwelled on this dish all week thinking about how beautiful it was. Imagine my surprise of

it setting right there on the shelf at the thrift store with a price tag of $12!! 12 dollars people. From $40 to $12. It irritated me a bit that the woman wouldn't come down on the price at the garage sale but she would DONATE it to the thrift store. Anyway......
I walk up front to pay and this woman commented on how beautiful it was so I told her the $40 to $12 story then another woman and a man walked up on the conversation. Here we all are marveling at my good luck when the cashier asked the lady in front of me if she had a punch card. Ding, ding, ding. I have a punch card! A full punch card. A full punch card worth $10 off my purchase! Ca-Ching! My $40 to $12 turtle just became my $40 to $12 to $2 turtle!
That my friends was the deal of the day!! Isn't she pretty??

Sorry about the pic quality. My cam is out in the car and I didn't want to go out in the rain so I used my point and shoot. No custom white balance on that bad boy.

More of the farmstead

2009-09-08T09:23:00.002-05:00

The old house

I love this picture of the girls looking out over the same land their ancestors did

Cornerstone of the old barn

The Farmstead

2009-09-08T09:15:00.003-05:00

The old barn ruins

I'm not sure what this was, we couldn't find an entrance but it has beautiful wood floors.

More barn ruins

The history of Shawn's family owning the place.
His great grandmother is the one who wrote the bottom part of this.

Shawn's great grandmother is in the middle. Her sisters are on either side of her.

Early this spring I blogged about Shawn's family's old farmstead. I had really wanted to get down there early and take some photos. I finally made it yesterday. The place is just beautiful and I can't wait to go back. It was such a long hike in but totally worth it. I would love to take photos of it this winter when the snow is new and beautiful but I have a serious aversion to cold so I don't think that will be happening. Here are a few shots that I took yesterday.

Cadence

2009-08-26T19:42:00.001-05:00

The soldiers entering the auditorium.

Soldiers Creed

2009-08-26T19:40:00.000-05:00

He is the third one to speak.

Saving My History

2009-08-26T18:27:00.002-05:00

What an interesting, fun filled two weeks this has been. This post may make no sense but i'm not really writing this one for my readers. This one i'm writing for my own memories, you know, someday I may write a book and be like "hey I wish I could remember all the details of those two weeks". Yeah. Maybe.

My Mom came out to visit, she got lost in Mankato so I knew she would never make it to my actual house since you have to get off the main road and all. I was chatting with her on the phone asking her if she was coming down the hill yet when her phone went dead. The last thing I told her was that I was going up to the farm road to wait for her. I am sitting at the road waiting for her and there goes her car zooming by. I whip out, do some fancy driving to get behind them and start flashing my lights. I finally get them behind them and lead them to my house. I asked what they would have done if I hadn't found them. My nephew says keep driving until they saw a sign that said old farm road. I think they may have ended up in Canada before they found that road.

There is nothing like having your Mom come to your house and cook for you. She made my absolute favorite poor mans food, potato soup and dumplings then we made home made creamed corn. Yummy! She and Sky then made a bunch of loaves of zucchini bread for Shawn. Not my cup of tea but the kids liked it.

I took her and Bryon (nephew) to Minnesota's tourist trap also known as the Mall of America to do some school shopping for the kids. We shopped and shopped some more. Bry and Matt headed off on their own to do some looking around while the girls all headed to American Girl doll factory. The girls have wanted one of those dolls for ever and ever. I wanted one when I was a little girl. We walked around for ages (maybe 30 minutes) picking out their favorites. I walked over to Sky's favorite doll, picked her up off the shelf and handed Skylee the box. Her eyes got big, she squealed, got tears in her eyes and hugged me for all she was worth. Seeing her so happy of course made me get teary. It was an awesome mother/daughter moment. Hannah picked out her favorite, I cut off my arm and handed it over to the sales clerk and we were out the door to find the boys. I called and they said they were on the third floor at Journies. We were on the first floor so we located the escalators and up we went. We walked around a bit looking for the store when I decided to stop in my tracks and look down three floors. There sat Matthew on the first floor in the Journies store. Not 20 feet from where we were before we went up those 3 floors. I had a blast hollering his name and watching him look around trying to figure out where I was.

August 20th was family day at Fort Leonard Wood for the families of the young men and women graduating from basic training. We left Wednesday afternoon (the day before) on our million hour journey through Minnesota, Iowa and most of Missouri. It was long and rainy and tiring. Did I mention I hate riding in a car? Spent the night in Columbia before making our way to the base. Did I mention I had to drive through the Ozarks? They are beautiful but come on! Hills and curves. Yuck.
Arrived in the nearby town where we were staying to meet up with Shawn's parents before heading to the base. Lots of fun stuff happened there, like Shawn's step dad forgot to take his pistol out from under his seat before he left Tennessee and trying to find a place to put it before we went on base since no one could check into their hotel rooms that early.
We made it finally. On to the base and figuring out where to find our kids since the Army gave absolutely no details about the entire visit beyond the dates. Found the theater we were supposed to go to. Here I am thinking I would walk in, see my kid and that would be that. Wrong answer. We had to sit through and entire briefing, a military briefing. They are not short. The commander made jokes, I fidgeted and couldn't concentrate on anything more that seeing my kid already. Finally they wrap it up, tell us our kids will march up in front of the building, stand in formation then be released to us for the day.
That.was.the.longest.wait.in.history. OMG! Finally they start coming around the corner and I just about lost my shit. One of those boys was mine. I was going to get my boy very soon. I couldn't handle it. The march in was mesmerizing. I have never actually seen a military march with cadence in real life and I was blown away. They were so disciplined and sharp. Maybe my boy wasn't in there after all. Finally they entered the parking lot, stood in formation. Forever. I think the drill sargents were torturing them. Like hey your mom is here but you can't go to her because we own your ass. Well they don't own my ass. Give me my damned kid already. You hear me mister man with the funny hat on? Finally they released them and I got my hands on him. I hugged that kid like I haven't since the day he was born. Finally he whispered in my ear something about okay Mom, that's enough. I let go, couldn't hog him to myself. He hugged everyone and we were off for family fun.
We went out for lunch and that kid didn't stop talking the entire time. I'm not even sure how he ate through all the talking. He told us all the details of his 10 week stay. I mean in detail. At one point he was talking, I looked over at him and saw this baby in a blue sweater jumper with a helicopter on the front in tiny white baby booties and had to wipe back a few tears. How did we get from this itty bitty baby to this well disciplined man? What happened to the years in between? Don't blink.
He took us to the Ft. Leonard Wood museum and to the px and the mini mall. We saw all the sites to see and went to dinner. On the drive there we saw a huge 5 vehicle crash on the interstate below us. It was awful and I don't know how anyone lived through it. 2 small cars went under a semi trailer. It was horrible looking. I was obsessed with finding information about those involved so when we got back I googled and found that although a teacher was seriously injured no one had died. I keep checking back to see if he pulled through, no news and I hope no news is good news. Anyway, ate dinner and met up with Jason (Shawn's so called father) before taking him back to base. The kid did not take any time off from his duties, he wrote the fire watch schedule on the ride back to the base. Good soldier.
I'm not really even sure I can properly convey what I felt the following day at graduation but I will try. We arrived at the theater (after getting lost) and waited in line for ages before the doors open. We ended up with awesome seats. We were on the aisle the boys walked down after getting pinned. Anyway, lots of speeches, the commander fumbling his entire speech then a really cool video of pics and video of the boys throughout their entire training, awards which made my heart burst right open with pride. There still may be pieces of blood, heart muscle and pride left in that auditorium. Not many of the boys won awards and my soldier won two!! Then came the soldiers creed and what was left of my heart entirely exploded from the pride, just a few soldiers were chosen and my son was so loud and serious I didn't even recognize his voice!! Oh I forgot to tell about the soldiers marching into the auditorium. It was amazing the drill sargents voice was so melodic and hypnotizing and all those soldiers voices in unison as one was captivating to say the least. I will never ever forget that moment watching their precise movements and hearing all those voices as one. The kids were all pinned with their US pin and shook the hands of all the higher ups and then were dismissed. I got my kid back!! I am telling you all those two days were the proudest days of my entire life for many reasons but to look at the kid I sent off to basic training in early June and see the man he turned into was amazing and I don't think I will ever forget the moment I stopped viewing him as a little boy. He went back to Wyoming with Grandma for a visit and called to let me know he got a tatoo. I was not in the least bit upset by that. He is a man now, he can make those decisions for himself. 3 months ago I wouldn't have though that way.
The drive back from Missouri was long but had Shawn drive for half the trip and took a few cat naps to shorten things up.
Sunday was Shawn's family reunion. I don't like going to those things at all because I only know a few people but it was fun to show the boy (he will always be my boy) off.
Monday, Mom, Bry and Ed left for Wyoming and Monday night my stupid fucking brother announced he left his family behind. I am pissed, beyond pissed at him, not because he split with his girl but because I am scared shitless that he walked out on his son and I will never see him again. I love my niece and nephews and always want to be a part of their lives.
Tuesday I started back to school. Yay! I love school.
Today I went to the doctor about my anxiety issues. The normal person has an anxiety level of less than 10 of 110 on a scale. A person with an 80 has severe anxiety. My score was a 99. I am a damned wreck. That really bothers me because I am happier than I have been in years. My marriage is mostly good, my son who has caused me so many headaches is growing up to be a fine young man, the little kids are doing well and I am in school studying a subject I love. I am genuinely happy so why am I having so much anxiety? I can't wait until it's all under control.
Did anyone make it through all that?

Good Kitty/Bad Kitty

2009-08-10T21:12:00.004-05:00

Good kitty, snuggling with his teddy bear

Bad kitty on the counter where he isn't supposed to be.

See the yogurt container in the pic above?
It has his food in it, he kept scooping his paw in then looking to see if he got anything out.
I love this stupid cat. He never stops entertaining me.

Linus hasn't been the star of my blog for awhile now. He is famous amongst all 10 of you readers and I know you have been itching to see him in all his cuteness.
Thanks to my cousin Bob for the title of this post.

Frank's Story

2009-08-09T10:11:00.003-05:00

As much as I tried to work this story out and figure out what I wanted to write it really isn't working for me. I cannot nail it down so I will give you the short version of the story so I don't leave you all hanging.

Frank was my ex's younger brother. He was a sweet guy who would have helped anyone out of they needed it. He loved country music and his prized possessions were his cowboy boots, hat and autograph from some musician who's name escapes me at the moment. He also dreamed of being a country singer and had a demo made. He had plans for his life. Plans that would lead him out of choking poverty and on to a life where he could be happy.
Frank and I had english class together in college, he always shared his notes with me and always gave me a ride home after class. He was a genuinely nice guy.
The morning of the 4th of July many years ago I walked into my ex's house and had him tell me Frank was dead. I was stunned. How did that happen I asked. He was hit by a train. I was floored. How in the hell was he hit by a train? The police said he laid down on the tracks, crossed his arms over his chest and waited. The engineer said just before the train struck him he popped his head up and looked at the train as it was barreling down the tracks toward him. On it's way to take it all away. Take what away though?
What a told you above are facts that I know to be true. Things that I was told first hand by those involved. What I am about to tell you are things my fuzzy brain sort of recalls all these years later. Things people in town speculated, etc.
Frank had a crush on a woman who was older than he. Well into her 30's. A woman who in my opinion was never really into him and mostly just used him. Anyway she moved in with another guy and broke his heart into a million pieces. That was the day he drank himself into oblivion and laid down on the tracks. Also he had discovered his brother had molested his sister years before, years before he was even born. This tore him up in a way he couldn't recover from. None of these things are a secret anymore. This was the summer a million little secrets came to light. The summer that changed everyone in ways that many still haven't recovered from. All the secrets and lies and cover ups and then the death.
Frank was working for a seamless gutter company. Apparently the day he died he bought his co-workers soda's. No suicide note, nothing. The only clue looking back were those soda's. That is why the police ruled his death a suicide. Those soda's that were given away. I don't know about you but I regularly buy my friends things. Soda's, lunch, a drink here and there.
After Frank died I spent days sitting on bar stools all over town questioning people who saw him that night, people who spoke to him, the bartenders and the wait staff. Everyone said the same thing. He was happy that night, drunk but happy. He left his car parked on main street and took off walking because he was drunk. What I will never know and never understand is what happened in those 4 short blocks. How did he go from drunk and happy and not wanting to hurt himself or anyone else by driving drunk to making the decision to say fuck it all and lie down on the tracks waiting for the train to take it all away.
I was told at the time to let it rest, just let it go but to this day I do not believe he voluntarily laid down on the tracks and killed himself. I refuse to believe it.

There ya have it. The short version that took me an hour to write. My brain really had to work to remember even that much.

Growing and Fixing

2009-08-05T21:07:00.005-05:00

This past weekend I got a wild hair that said I was sick of having this piece of crap on my deck.

So I begged and pleaded and bargained with my husband......

to please fix this thing so it is useful again and doesn't end up at the scrap yard.

Isn't it pretty??

By the way dear readers...I haven't forgotten the story I promised. I am still working on how I want to write it. It will come, I really could use some quiet time around here to think and write. That may never happen.

Yesterday was my oldest child's birthday. 18. Can you even believe that? I certainly can't. It seems like yesterday I was missing out on one of my favorite movies (The Best Little Whore House In Texas) to take my sister to my aunt's so Mom and I could go to the hospital. It seems like yesterday I walked and walked and walked so labor would go faster. It seems like yesterday I squatted on all 4's trying to get that little man to turn so he could come out face down and stop making me have back labor. It seems like yesterday the doctor declared it was a boy and I declared "It's my Shawnie". Seems like yesterday the nurse swore I gave birth to a future line backer. (He is 5' 3" and weighs 120 now) It seems like just yesterday my life became so incredibly complicated and so full of joy at the same time. Seems just like yesterday I was a teenaged Mom. How did I become 34? How did he become and adult? Happy Birthday to my bullrider who has never been on a bull.

A Story in the Making.

2009-08-01T17:47:00.004-05:00

This afternoon while taking a shower I thought of someone I haven't thought of in years. It may seem strange but the memories were so overwhelmingly vivid that I feel like they were being poured into my head through the spray of the shower head. It's as if I was communicating with something that wasn't really talking to me but was in it's own way screaming at me. Why now? Why all these years later? I don't even know what to say about it. Who needs me to tell the story? Some details are vivid, most are fuzzy. Some names remain, most don't. All I know is while I was standing in the shower I kept repeating the mantra in my head "I must tell this story, I must tell this story".
I hurriedly got out and dressed so I could make a mad dash for the computer and google any info that may be out there. News paper articles, obituaries. Anything. Nothing much came up. One reference stating a birth and death date. Another search returned an article written by his best friend. I looked at the picture of the author and I could see this guy in my memory. I know him, I can make out his mannerisms. I can recall conversations with him. I remember speaking to him the day after he died and asking him questions. I cannot remember his name. I shot off an email to some old high school friends begging for info on him and went outside to smoke. I looked up to the sky and said help me, I need to tell this story. A name popped into my head. Scott. Can this guys name be Scott? I don't know. I'm hoping the girls get back to me and confirm who he is. In the meantime I will work on the story that is begging to be told. Frank's story. I don't know where it will go or if my suspicions on how he died will ever work it's way in but I will tell what I can recall and hope the rest comes to me someway, somehow. Stay tuned.

Unrelated but devastating for us as state......Today is the 2 year anniversary of the collapse of the St. Anthony's Falls bridge. Praying for and thinking of the victims and survivors.

UPDATE: Just received confirmation that the friend's name is indeed Scott. Now to get in touch with him.

It's my party......

2009-07-28T13:08:00.005-05:00

I have so much stuff I want to do, need to do but this cold is kicking my ass and I have exactly enough energy to clean the kitchen before I have to sit down, hack my brains out and try and recover from 30 minutes of very little activity beyond standing at the sink washing dishes. (run on sentence from hell).
My Mom will be here in a few weeks and between school all summer and this cold my house is a wreck and nothing has been done. Shawn and I got the wild hair early this spring to rip the railing off our decks and redo it all which also called for re staining and repainting the entire thing. We still aren't completely done yet but done enough that I am ready to start putting the deck back together. In normal summers we spend the bulk of our time hanging out on one of the decks, not one summer evening has been spent out there yet. I don't even know where all the furniture for out there is right now. Oh and the first summer we spent in this house Shawn bought me a lovely swing for the deck. This year the material has decided to shred into a million pieces. I have a grand plan to rebuild the seat and back of the swing with wood to make it useable for years to come. Guess who has no energy to even go to the lumber yard?
I have also decided that although a month ago moving the desk and my pc down to my dungeon of a bedroom was a fabulous idea so I would have quiet to get my homework done I no longer enjoy being down there. I don't need the quiet any more but I do need my computer since my laptop decided to die. Now I want to move the desk back upstairs amongst the living. Problem is I have no idea where to put it. I gave the kid his room back that was designated as office space while he was in Wyoming. We have a huge sticky, uncomfortable leather sectional in the living room that takes up to much room so the desk won't fit in there and the absolute perfect place for the desk in the dining room is an inch to short. Ugh.
The girls have spent nearly 5 days cleaning and organizing their room so it can be painted before Grandma comes. It is that time of year for the carpets to be cleaned too. I need a personal banker people!
Can any of you see the dilemna here? Too much stuff to do and too damn sick to get any of it done.
Yep, it's my party and I am alone in the corner blubbering like a fool.

Praying for Stellan

2009-07-27T10:17:00.002-05:00

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Pretty Bird, Pretty Bird

2009-07-26T16:57:00.002-05:00

I am in the love with the call of the loon.
There is nothing more soothing to the soul than to hear that sound and feel absolute peacefulness come over you.

Wonder where he is carrying that to?

A very dirty headed juvenile eagle. When we first saw him I declared him to be juvie because of his head. Someone asked how I could tell. Dude it's the lens. I can see Russia from my back yard with this lens.

Hello there birdie. Please don't peck my eyeballs out. Wait you aren't really that close are you?

All of these pics and many more were taken last weekend in Wisconsin. I will share more once I start feeling a bit better. Still down with the cold. Ugh.
Sorry the quality of the photos isn't better, they really need editing since we were on a rocking boat and that lens is heavy and I wasn't using a tripod.

Think, breathe, delete.

2009-07-23T21:24:00.001-05:00

I did what I have never done in my life. Censored myself and deleted a blog entry. I am very sorry to the person I offended and the post has been removed. I now return my regular readers to their regularly scheduled programming. Peace.

RTD IV left me needing and IV drip

2009-07-23T15:13:00.002-05:00

Last weekend was our annual excursion to Wisconsin. Although it was fun at times it will go down as the worse year ever and may be the year that causes me to never go back.
Before we left I had to hurry and find a sitter for our kids since the neighbor decided to lose her mind and go completely insane. That was just the beginning.
On the drive up Cat's boyfriend started feeling crappy, it was a downright cold 50 some degrees the first two days which lead to a 2 day bar tour which isn't really my scene anymore. I am too friggin' old to spend two entire days drinking. Who in the hell would have ever thought I would say that? I woke up in the grips of the mother lode of anxiety attacks one night which lasted for 2 solid hours and basically ruined the trip for me. I just could not shake that icky feeling. Come home and immediately fall ill with Jeremy's cold. I have been down all week now and haven't left my room unless forced to do so. I seriously think I may never leave my house again just so I don't contract another cold from hell like this one.
Anyway, the good part about the trip is I managed to shoot 6 separate eagles. Hold up feds, by shooting eagles I mean capturing their image on a digital sensor, not shooting them as in harming them. I got one loon pic, those little rascals are hard to capture. Some crane photos and some other stuff. I still need to copy them and resize them before I can share with you and to be honest I have been sitting at my computer for a little over 30 minutes and I am beyond exhausted and don't have the energy to do it right now so I will get them to you later.
I just reread this post and decided it sucks and needs some details but I am publishing it anyways. Sorry peeps.

A few more from the weekend.

2009-07-13T10:21:00.004-05:00

Matt's cake

This is what happens when you hand the husband the camera

Oh look! I do have a head!

Matt with all his loot. His parents spoil the hell out of him!

Yesterday in addition to it being Matt's birthday it was also Sky's fun day for softball. Mom's against Daughter's. It ended in a tie game. How did that happen?? I hear the Mom's acting skills on the field are sub par. Hopefully they went over the heads of a bunch of 9 year olds.
Saturday we took the kids to the circus. Those pics will come this week. They all need edited to death before they can appear in public. Someone needs a class in taking arena pics!

And then he was 12

2009-07-13T10:16:00.001-05:00

Yesterday Matthew turned 12. Holy buckets! One more year and I will have 2 teenaged boys. Heaven help me! Happy Birthday Chew!

Fireworks Tutorial

2009-07-08T09:37:00.003-05:00

A few people have asked how I shot the fireworks and what settings to use. Well if I gave you all the exact settings I used your shots wouldn't turn out the same as mine because the conditions you are shooting in won't be the conditions I shot in. Believe it or not it was very well lit when I took the photos but the sky appears pitch black in the background.
We also spent an hour in class discussing how to do fireworks and lightning shots. I have the understanding of why I used the settings I used. This is a quick blurb but should give you a good jump off point. Remember the smaller the aperture you use the less light that is entering the lens and set your ISO low to eliminate noise. Happy shooting!

http://www.photobird.com/learn/top5tipsfireworks.html

Ka-Boom

2009-07-07T11:48:00.002-05:00

For you my friends. I give you some photos I took over the long weekend.

Finito!

2009-07-02T11:16:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my last day of math class!! I didn't pull off the A I was shooting for but I did score a B!! Can't complain about a B! I am so happy to have it over with.
The babysitter situation turned out fantastic. She is going to sit for us again for sure.
Yesterday I had my math final and then a test in my Intro class so I got home early and headed to Sky's softball game. They won, again. On the way home we saw this little beauty in the field and just had to pull over and take a few shots. Keep in mind I maxed out my 300 mm lens and she still didn't fill the frame so she was a long ways away. I also didn't want to pull out my tripod so these shots are a bit shaky. I think they turned out decent though. Click to enlarge for the full effect.
I also got a letter from the boy yesterday. He is adjusting well and wants Mom to send him lots of pictures to occupy his time and make him smile. His graduation is in August and I told my Mom that the second I see him in his dress uniform I am going to burst into tears. I can't wait to get my arms around my oldest baby again. We have been through some shit but he will always be my first baby and my pride and joy!

Walking in the shadows of the past

2009-06-24T13:02:00.004-05:00

Because i'm generally a curious person and because I have my own interests to look after I googled my ex's name today. Since he is ordered to be a registered sex offender his name popped up along with a recent picture.
It made me sad. The guy I knew was cute and had sparkling blue eyes that always had a bit of laughter and mischief in them. The guy I saw today was old and hard with dead eyes.
It really bothers me that two people can travel the same path for so long and end up in entirely different places in life. One person chooses a path that leads them to a full life with a bright future and one person chooses the path that leads them to prison and little to no future. That saddens me. I firmly believe that we are all put on this planet with almost an even start with a few exceptions and it is our job to be what we can be and do what we can to contribute to this place while we are here.
Most people who know me know that I rarely if ever take a look back into the past. It just isn't me, I'm not programmed to think that way. If I were I would be balled up in the corner in the fetal position rocking myself. So, I don't look back and try to only look forward.
Today I looked back and it made me so sad.
I have no idea where I really want to go with this, maybe its just to make myself feel better. Maybe its to mark on a calendar how far I have come in the last decade and a half. All I know is that when someone looks at a picture of me they don't see someone who looks dead on the inside, I hope they see joy and life and because i'm me I also want to say.....
You may have held me down briefly but you never held me back. Because of you I found strength in myself I never knew I had. Because of you I found a fierce need to protect myself and those I love. Because of you I learned about life and the kind of person I want to be.
Look at me now mother fucker, look at me now.

Rammble, ramble, shoot.

2009-06-23T22:56:00.004-05:00

How in the world do people keep up with a blog if they work or GO TO SCHOOL?? I can't do more than one thing at a time. If I'm at home I am either buried in homework or have a kid hanging off me whining that they need something or they just want to cuddle. (Insert scream here)

Anyway, I have gotten a few letters from the boy. He is super homesick. Awww. Oh did I tell you all he shipped for basic training? Can't remember.

Life is marching on here. The only photos I have shot lately are for school. Good thing my family is willing to pose for me. I wrote all of this so I can show you this pic I took of the hubby. I love this picture!

Speaking of hubby, he had a great fathers day. Totally pampered. We got him a lawn sweeper and a couple of saws. The kids made stuff for him too. Awww!

I spent all of Saturday doing yard work, shooting photos and staining the deck. Okay, I am obviously exhausted. This post sucks. Peace!

Strawberry Wine....17

2009-06-17T20:06:00.006-05:00

There is nothing like red stained fingers on a hot summer evening and come January I will look back at this post and daydream.

Guess the song the title comes from.

The Canines Give This Post Two Paws Up

2009-06-07T12:48:00.006-05:00

Last night Shawn, Skylee and I watched Marley and Me. It was hands down the saddest movie I have ever seen. Sadder than Old Yeller and Where the Red Fern grows combined.

I think you have to have lost a dog that you had since puppy hood or have a really old dog to feel the full power of this movie. I have experienced both.

Sammy came to live with us when I was a little girl. We had him for years, gave him away, took him back and had him for the rest of his life span. Sammy was a sweet and naughty little cocker spaniel and I adored him but Sammy isn't the reason this movie hit me so hard. The dogs I have now are.

Shawn owned Deeogee when I met him. He was a cute, obnoxious, vicious, year and a half old puppy when I came into his life. He bit me, my nephew and a day care kid before I finally consulted the vet who's advise was to have him neutered, and neuter him we did. He turned into a whole new dog, sweet and lovable and completely loyal.

Since the day I met him he has had an old soul. He seems so wise and not at all dog like. Everyone who has ever met him has fell instantly in love with his attitude.

Last night I got to thinking after watching the movie all the changes he has seen in is life. From being a bachelors dog who traveled the country and lived in motel rooms to a family dog, protector of 6.

First I was introduced to him, then a young boy and a baby boy. 2 baby girls, 4 houses and 2 states. A few other dog friends and a bunch of cat friends. He has seen every thing since day 1 of our relationship.

In our first house late at night, Shawn was working out of town and someone tried to break in. Dee has the bark of a big dog and alerted me to someone at the window. He scared the person off and possibly saved our lives. From that night on I owed him a debt I will never be able to repay him.

Clara came to live with us as a tiny 5 week old puppy who cried all night long. We spent the first week with her taking turns sleeping with our hands draped over the edge of the bed, stuck inside her kennel to keep her from crying all night. Life with her in the beginning was very much like life with a new baby and she was a very naughty new baby. She whined and barked, chewed on everything, ate walls and the kids toys. Ran away every chance she could and caused a lot of stress between the next door neighbor and us. I'll admit more time than not I hated that dog with every fiber of my being and wanted rid of her. I hated all her bad habits and her fur all over my house. Then last spring we nearly lost her to a bad infection and she and I have been inseparable since.

Although she is only 5 and a half we believe she is near the end of her life. She injured her front shoulder the fall before last and hasn't been right since. She also has rear hip dysplasia but she has all the heart of a puppy and we have to monitor her exercise so she doesn't over exert herself and cause herself more pain.

That is the reason the movie got to me so badly. (Well that and I am a crier at movies, tv shows and even commericals). We have two dogs nearing the end of their lives so when I was watching the movie I wasn't seeing Marley lying under the tree or on the vets table. I was looking at my own two canine children and thinking of what it will do to our family when it is time to make the hardest decision a doggy parent will ever have to make. A decision I wish I never have to make.

A Heartfelt Thanks!

2009-06-03T09:27:00.003-05:00

I have to say I have the best readers, friends and Mom in the whole wide world!! Your words of encouragement have been much needed and much appreciated this week. I made it through the first two days without having a break down and have made it to all of my classes without deciding to just drop out. Thanks everyone!!

I took my first math quiz yesterday and aced it! This morning I finished my first Intro to Professional Photography project, I am on a roll! I don't know if Julie reads or not but I have to say, if it weren't for her having the most beautiful flowers in the neighborhood I would have had a hard time finishing my project. So, thanks Julie!!

In other news...the cat learned nothing. I found him in the ice house again a few days ago. Cat says he is suicidal, I have to agree.
The kids last day of school is tomorrow. Bring the crazy on!!

That's about it for today. Must rush off and finish my math homework. Peace!

In Over My Head?

2009-06-02T08:42:00.002-05:00

Day one was daunting to say the least. I almost had a panic attack on the drive home, wondering if I will make it. Apparently summer semester isn't the time to load up on classes due to the short span of time you have to learn everything.
According to my math teacher one shouldn't take her class if they are taking any others. She predicts 3 hours of homework a day. Something about getting through the whole book in 4 weeks instead of the 4 months students have during a normal semester. Well shit, I am a mathtard. I threw my pen across the room at least twice last night while trying to do 3 chapters worth of homework.
My Intro to Pro Photog instructor warned me that since I am in his class and the Ambient Lighting class I should expect to live at the school. Shit!
I never thought taking photos would be so daunting. I have 24 photos shot at ISO 200 due tomorrow and it is super cloudy here today. I need light for those photos! I also have to read 2 chapters of my photography text book and be ready to discuss by tomorrow evening, the thing is the book is so boring I am having a hard time reading it. I don't particularly care about ISO and F-stops. Yaaaawn.

Last night I whined on facebook about how I am going to get this whole school thing accomplished without flunking out and still have time to be a Mom and wife, maid and cook around here. I got a whole lot of quityourbitchin's. I wanna bitch!! Its my blog and I'll cry if I want to! I know I can do it I just don't want my kids to feel neglected, they are after all the reason I put this off for so long!
Okay, complaining over. Must go read the most boring textbook ever but hey, at least it has pictures to look at!!

First Day

2009-06-01T08:51:00.002-05:00

Today is the big day! I go from being a stay at home Mom to a college student...again. This time I don't plan on having any more babies to put my school days on hold. I am neither really excited or really nervous. I just am....bleh. I blame all the work I did on the deck and in the yard for my blahness. My legs are so sore I can barely walk. I am dreading walking around campus. Maybe I can borrow a wheelchair? Oh and just a note to everyone, if you buy yourself fitflops do not, I repeat, do not try them out the day you will be bending and stooping and lifting and squatting all day. You have no idea if the fitflops actually work or the pain comes from the increased activity.

I love this picture of Matt taken on our camping trip. The sparklers make some cool effects!

S'mores

2009-05-29T08:43:00.000-05:00

This is what happens when you give Skylee s'mores!

Fuzzy

2009-05-28T21:32:00.003-05:00

Still playing with the camera, still learning. Over the Memorial Day weekend we took the kids camping at the state park near our house. It was literally raining caterpillars. Skylee collected them all weekend and named every one of them Tim Patenty. She could not pronounce Pawlenty. Dirty little republican she is! I'll work on that. We have 3 of them living in a mason jar in the garage because she is convinced they will cocoon. We'll see.

I start school next Monday so my very limited time will turn into no time. What was I thinking heading back to school in the summer?? I'll try to keep everyone posted on how it all goes when I get the chance.

Curiosity killed the cat...almost

2009-05-22T21:39:00.005-05:00

Last Monday morning I woke up and realized the cat wasn't in the house. I figured Shawn or Matt had let him out and he was down at the pong terrorizing small animals. Monday night the cat hadn't came back and I was starting to worry. We have had Linus for five and a half years and he has never taken off for more than a day or so. There was this one time when he got locked in the girls' room when we were out of town but the neighbor who was animal sitting rescued him and we didn't really know he was gone so that doesn't really count. Anyway....
By Tuesday night I was in a full on panic and called the police department and animal control. Neither had picked him up. Wednesday and Thursday came and went with no kitty. This morning I resigned myself to the fact that my ki-ki was gone and wasn't coming back. I briefly thought about throwing out his scratching box and emptying the litter box and putting it away.

This afternoon I had several interviews set up with babysitters, Shawn was trying to pack for camping and the kids were running around like little banshees. Shawn came in and out of the house asking if I knew where things were located. He made it a point not to bug me during an interview though. He had asked for the water cooler and I suggested the ice house. Matt said it was in there because he had put it in there a few weeks ago when he was playing in there. I thought nothing more about it and sat down for the next interview. Shawn came busting through the door to tell me he found a cat in the ice house. My first question was is it a live cat. What a dumb question. If the cat was dead he would have waited to tell me when the kids weren't around and I wasn't interviewing someone. Duh!

He brought Linus in and I'll tell you I am surprised he was alive. Something was wrong with his eye. It was all watery and goobery and his pupils were dilated almost fully. He has lost about 5 pounds. He is shedding like crazy and is a bit skittish. He also couldn't meow. He would open his mouth like he wanted to but nothing came out. I was really worried that we didn't find him in time. Two days this week were up in the 90's. I was sure he had spent too much time out there but he immediately ate and drank and let us all cuddle and fawn over him. His eye has cleared up, he is yowling that Siamese yowl of his, I gave him a good brushing and he seems like his old self minus the big fat belly. We'll work on that this week. The little shit keeps wanting back outside. He didn't learn his lesson!!

Sky is beside herself with happiness, she hasn't left the poor baby alone for even a minute. Linus is her cat and has been since the beginning. Now she can sleep tonight. She hasn't been sleeping well because Linus sleeps with her every night and she was missing him. A girl and her kitty, it's a beautiful thing.

PS. The best we can figure is he crawled through the hole in the floor and when he was in the wood fell back over the whole trapping him. Shawn removed the wood cover so if he goes in there again he won't be trapped. Curiosity

Comparison

2009-05-19T13:34:00.003-05:00

This afternoon I took both camera's out to do a few comparison shots. The results shocked me. No wonder I'm so in love with my cute little Sony. My big bulky Sony isn't cutting it with me. I'm sure it is user error and I will get used to it and get better with it but I'll be keeping my little Sony around for comfort and for when I need a good shot.

Both these pictures are straight off the camera's and the only editing I did was for size. What a difference between them!!

The top picture is taken with my spendy new DSLR camera. The bottom picture was taken with my cheap, old, highly reliable point and shoot camera. Both are Sony's.

Insert Swear Words Here

2009-05-18T11:01:00.003-05:00

Ever have one of those days? One of those days when nothing is really wrong but nothing is right either? I need to ship two boys off to the orphanage and put two girls in climate controlled bubbles and things would seriously be looking up today.

In other news we survived last week. Dance is officially over and I could not be happier about that! Now our weekly activities are limited to baseball and softball instead of all three. Now to find a babysitter for the summer. I have a few interviews today but I'm not all that hopeful.

Blech. I give up. Nothing good to post.

The picture of the girls was taken after the recital Saturday night. Sky was sick all last week and was just done with the whole deal. Hannah is home with it today.

Happy Birthday Me!!

2009-05-14T21:38:00.003-05:00

I had a wonderful birthday and to be quite honest I can't remember the last time that happened. The difference this year is I decided to take it into my own hands and not wait for others to make my day a happy one.

I got up and hit a few garage sales. Found a cute Coach Carly handbag for super cheap! Score!! I went and had my hair cut and colored. I love my stylist. She is the best and I love to visit with her. I hit up a few more garage sales on my way to the grocery store. I found a vintage Rainbow Brite doll in the box and a Kimberly doll in the box. I loved both of those dolls when I was a kid and didn't pass up the chance to have them again. I did a bit of research on both dolls and they are worth substantially more than I paid for them. Score again!!

I went and bought myself a cake and stuff for dinner. Ed made both!!
Matt had his first baseball game tonight and they won!
It was a good day. Go me!!

Eagles

2009-05-13T22:01:00.002-05:00

You all have got to see this series of photos. Just amazing!!

I have watched an eagle cam out of West Virginia for the last two years. Apparently a juvenille tried to breah the nest. The series of photos tells the story. Dad's firce protection of his family, Mom bitching at the intruder and the teenaged punk running scared. Amazing photography here!

Gratuitous Bitching

2009-05-12T10:29:00.003-05:00

I don't really have much to say but I feel the need to entertain the masses. Okay mainly my Mom and Carolyn who get upset when I don't give them reading material. It doesn't matter that I talk with my Mom on the phone every few days and I email with Carolyn every single day. They both want reading material.

So here it is...reading material in the form of some random thoughts.

Why does the dog refuse to come inside with me because he wants to lie in the sun but the second I get up the stairs, plant my ass on the couch and lift up my laptop he starts barking at the door. I am leaving him outside to learn a lesson.

Speaking of dogs, why do my neighbors all insist of having dogs that they leave outdoors all day and night? If you want an animal invite it in and make it part of your family. The dogs behind us are big 80 some pound labs. They bark nonstop all day long in this deep obnoxious bark although the cops have been called on them. They are still out ruining my warm spring days. Today somewhere in the neighborhood a small dog has joined the chorus. His constant yip is just as annoying as the big dogs deep woof.

The neighbors across the street had their first baby last night. He is doing well and I cannot wait to see him. Declan is his name. Cute Irish name.

My dog is still at the door. Shit head.

Why can't it be warm, sunny and not windy at the same time? It is 70 degrees out, cloudy and so windy you can't catch your breath out there.

Why does all the maintenance on this house fall on me? Last fall I was the one stuck sanding the mud on the new drywall and ripping up the laminate flooring and relaying it. BY MY SELF. Now Shawn made a half assed attempt to fix our deck. Which means he took down the wobbly hand railings and burned them. I am stuck stripping all the paint.

Why does it take so long for Dell to build a pc? I ordered it last Sunday. A week and 2 days ago. It is still in production and is scheduled for delivery on June 1st. Ya know. The day I start school and won't be here to sign for delivery.

Why can't it be nice so I can play with my new camera a bit?

Damn dog is still barking at the door.

This will be the girls last year at their current dance studio. I can't say why until after the recital but I'll fill you in next week.

Why do people have to get older on their birthday? Why can't people feel younger on their birthday? Why do we have birthdays?

Why does my oldest son think he is my youngest sons keeper? On a daily basis I have to tell him to knock this shit off. Last night I was about to beat them both. The more the oldest bitches the more the youngest acts like an ass to piss him off. Mom is the one who suffers here.

That's it. I have to give in to the dog so he doesn't drive me insane.

Namesake

2009-05-08T08:58:00.005-05:00

I left the files full size. Please click to enlarge.

On September 4, 1918 my Grandmother was born.

On June 15, 1937 my Grandparents were married.

Yesterday May 7, 2009 my Grandmother went home to be with the Lord.

She spent her life devoted to her savior and I couldn't be happier for her that she is in his loving arms right now.

I was named after my Grandma. Michelle Ruth. When I was a child I hated my middle name. When I was a teenager I realized that it was an honor. I was named after a wonderful woman and couldn't be prouder to share her name.

My Grandparents spent nearly 72 years married to one another. 72 years. That is amazing.

When I was a baby I was doted on and much loved by my Grandma. I was the first granddaughter on the Haldy side in roughly 50 years. To say my birth was a big deal is probably an understatement. Sometime in the 60's my grandparents went on vacation and bought a beautiful set of small dollhouse chairs for their first granddaughter. A girl was desperately wanted. I came along and made that dream come true. I was spoiled rotten. There are several pictures of my Grandma going gaga over me when I was small. They then moved very far away and I didn't get to see them much but they always sent cards and letters to let me know they thought of me often. When I was 10 my Dad graduated from the University. It was a big deal so my Grandma flew out for the occasion. That was the last time I saw my Grandma until last fall. 23 years.

I was waiting in the lobby of the nursing home when my Dad and Uncle wheeled my Grandma out. She saw me and very excitingly said my name "Shelly?" and got teary. A lifetime of love flowed through the hug we shared. It was my turn to dote on her. I spent the day at the hospital with her. She couldn't hear well so I wrote notes and she would respond. Mostly she sat and stared at me and smiled. The hospital was chilly and her hands were like ice. I slipped my 50 cent stretchy gloves on her hands and you would have thought I gave her the best present ever. She stared at her hands and thanked me dozens of times. Its the small things I guess. She tried to give them back and I told her I wanted her to keep them. She said she would wear them and think of me. A pair of cheap gloves brought her happiness. I was blessed to spend that time with her and today I will savor every second of our time together and remember a kind woman who was so full of love.

Still Learning

2009-05-07T15:13:00.003-05:00

The whole learning curve thing on this new camera is really challenging. Just about everything I ever learned to do with my old Sony point and shoot has to be erased and relearned with my Sony DSLR. I took this picture this afternoon while trying to figure out how to take macro shots. I am thinking I need to go buy the lens I wanted the other day but I did end up with a few really great shots.

18 and Life

2009-05-06T16:50:00.003-05:00

Click to enlarge

18 years ago today my first nephew was born.

18 years ago today I was 3 months away from having my own baby.

18 years ago today I was only 15.

18 years ago today I was scared shitless after watching my sister in laws labor.

18 years ago today. Holy shit. Where has the time gone?

Happy Birthday Bry!!

New Shots!

2009-05-05T16:24:00.005-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I took the new cam over to the pond behind the neighbors house to see what I could find. I came up with a ton of bird shots. Today I took the cam to the next town over to see how the falls looked. Not too shabby.

Here are some that are fit to share. As always untouched. I can't wait to see what this bad boy can do when I actually learn to use the fancy software that was included.

New, New, New!!

2009-05-04T16:11:00.002-05:00

This morning I headed to the local Best Buy. By local I mean almost 40 minutes away from my house. Oh the joys of living in the middle of nowhere. I was on a mission to buy my new camera. Thank goodness I scored!! I bought a Sony Alpha 350. I am in love! Well love with a few exceptions. Never believe a guy who works at BB. He told me the lens that came with the camera would be fine for macro work. I stressed to him how important a macro lens was to me. I explained that the majority of my photos are of flowers and such. No problem he says. The lens that is included will work fine. Dirty liar. I can't get closer than 3 feet to a flower before the subject blurs out and the camera won't take the photo. I would have spent the money on the lens. Jeez. He also told me my memory stick duo would work. He just forgot to tell me I needed an adapter so I had to drive 30 miles to another town to buy a memory card. Yeah I hate living in the middle of nowhere.

I did get a chance to play a bit and take some photos. Mostly of the dog. She likes to pose. I would post those pictures but after running around all day and spending hours trying to figure out how to work the camera I am a bit tired of messing with it and don't have the want to download the pictures off the camera.

Since I am a loser with no life I spent hours online Saturday night building a new computer on Dell.com. Yesterday I ordered it. Why does it take a whole month to build a computer and ship it?? Sooooo annoying. I want my toys now!!

All this money I'm spending better be worth it. I am going to have to kill myself to make good grades and still function as a wife and Mom. I'm sure I can do it but it will be tough at first. Wish me luck!!

PS. The rose was part of Erin's bouquet. I took 50 some pictures of just the bouquet. About 3 are worth sharing lol.

Prom Maddness!

2009-05-01T19:40:00.003-05:00

First I want to update everyone on my Uncle Jack. He made it through surgery just fine. He is doing well and should be able to go home Tuesday or Wednesday! Thanks everyone for the prayers. They obviously worked!!

Tonight is Ed's prom. Super busy day! I was up and cleaning at 6:30. I ran errands and then spent the afternoon taking pictures. He and Erin had a blast posing all over the place. I took over 300 photos of them today!! These are just a few of my favorites. It was really hard to choose.

We went to the grand march at the school and watched everyone parade through in their formal attire. It was really fun and everyone looked so nice.

After today I could use a glass of wine and a jacuzzi. Hmmm. Think I am running off to the liquor store.

What if I can't think of a clever title?

2009-04-30T08:33:00.002-05:00

This morning while getting the kids ready for school I had a whole post worked up in my head. Now I can't even remember the topic. That is so buggy!!

Earlier this week I went and took the placement tests for my little adventure back to college. I did really well on the English part of the tests, not so much on the math part. I was half a point away from being a certified mathtard. Four points away from a perfect score on English. Now I am waiting on my award letter to find out if I can get student loans. If all is well I start June 1st. Yay!! Even more yay is the day I get the letter saying I can get loans I am running right out to the local best buy and buying a new camera. Exciting!

In other news, Tuesday morning my Uncle Jack had a heart attack. I dig my Uncle Jack. Family lore says that back in the day he grew a pot plant in my Grandma's flowerbed. She never knew what it was but liked it because of the pretty flowers. I will never know if that's true or not but come on, what a great story. Right now, as I type this, he is under the knife having bi-pass surgery or is it by-pass surgery? Either way if you could all say a prayer that he comes through okay and has a speedy recovery. My Grandpa died of a heart attack. My Uncle Kenny has had a few and is still hanging around doing his thing. Now Uncle Jack. He is so ornery I'm sure he will be fine.

That's about it for my part of the world. Tim tagged me for a meme but if he thinks I am taking a picture of myself preshower, makeup and hair he is smokin' some crack. His new name should be Oh Cracktain. Ha!

Love and Marriage the Human Edition

2009-04-27T17:06:00.004-05:00

This is a subject I wasn't sure I wanted to touch upon but it is one I feel very passionately about. My intent isn't to offend anyone here and if you are offended by what I am about to say then this isn't the blog for you. I hope you can open your mind and your heart and see beyond yourself. :)

Today is the first day that two people of the same sex can walk into a court house in Iowa and apply for a piece of paper that says they have the same rights in each others lives as their opposite sex counterparts. That, to me, is one of the most wonderful things that could ever happen. Imagine, Iowa (and two other states) are allowing human beings basic rights that most other human beings are already allowed to enjoy. The right to share medical insurance and medical power of attorney, a piece of paper that allows them to own half of each others shit.

In Iowa people no longer have to meet under an arch in any room but a church to promise to spend the rest of their lives together and then walk away having signed nothing and making nothing legal. Now, they can meet in a church and promise that maybe one day they can pay a man thousands of dollars to undo what is written on a scrap of paper just like the rest of us can.

Who would have thought little Iowa was such a progressive thinking state? I now pronounce you husband and husband. Iowa ROCKS!!

To: My Mommy (and their granny grunt)

2009-04-24T16:27:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday Mom!! I hope you are enjoying your day!

Twisted

2009-04-23T13:00:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I really hate Minnesota, like today. I live in a new division with very few trees and very few fences. My yard is a wind tunnel of sorts. While downstairs doing laundry I heard a huge crash. I seriously thought someone was in my kitchen since all the animals were hanging out with me, begging for food. It wasn't an intruder. Just the wind. This is what I found. Holy hell. Thank goodness I have a spare.

The top picture was taken when the screws were still semi holding it onto the deck.

Like how my poor light is just hanging there. The thing turned inside out so the hook it is supposed to be hanging on is pointing up in the air. The light is hanging by the cord that was zip tied onto the frame.

What remained after I unhooked it from the deck railing and threw it over.
Funny thing is, last weekend Shawn was complaining that I put the top back on since the framework would need to be moved so we can refinish our deck. Well mother nature took care of that little problem for him!

Moo

2009-04-22T16:32:00.003-05:00

I know, I know. Two consecutive days of posts. Who woulda thunk it?? I actually have a surplus of photos to share right now so I better get to it. (Remind me I said this next winter)

Today while I was out and about I drove past this lovely lady. I slammed on my breaks, whipped my car around and waded through the weeds to get this shot (and many more). She was so photogenic. I ended up taking 77 photos throughout the day. Not so bad considering it has been ages since my camera has seen that much action.

Kicks

2009-04-21T15:01:00.003-05:00

Its widely known amongst my family that I have a shoe fetish (I have a sock thing too, owning hundreds of pairs, that's a different post). My sister in law would even say that I have an ugly shoe fetish, I prefer to call the shoes I buy trendy so we disagree. She has gone as far as calling me from the store and saying "hey I found some Shelly shoes" my reply is always "ugly huh? I'm sure I would love them". It has become a huge joke. Ha ha!

Its true, I love shoes, even ugly ones but growing up in a house with 5 kids and no disposable income I came by most of my shoes from the Payless sales rack. I was cool with that and as a matter of fact Payless is still one of my favorite shoe stores. Of course I have expanded my horizons a bit to include DSW. They have cheap shoes too. So, it is no surprise that never in my entire life have I ever spent more than $60 on a pair of shoes. Before my last pair of Avia's I had never spent more than $40. Until last week, when I ordered these beauties up and forked over my credit card number. I had a bit of sticker shock but I quickly closed my eyes and hit enter and these little beauties arrived today. Aren't they pretty!!! That's a statement not a question. I may never actually use them for what they are meant for, running, because I don't want to wear them outside and muck them up. Maybe they can just be really expensive house slippers.

This is what sunny and 78 looks like in Minnesota

2009-04-19T13:36:00.003-05:00

If Sunday is the beginning of a new week then yesterday was the close of one of the worst weeks I have had in ages.

Monday was fabulous, don't get me wrong. I spent the entire day spring cleaning and organizing our downstairs. I sorted through things that haven't been touched in years. I dusted, vacuumed and scrubbed the living areas down there into submission. Plus it was the day that, just like Jesus, my friend died and was brought back from the dead. Thank God I had all that cleaning to keep my mind from wandering to far down the path of thinking I nearly lost a third of one of my favorite groups of friends and all that would mean in my life.

Tuesday is when the crappy week really began. I was super tired and super sore. I chalked it up to too much cleaning and rested for the day.

Wednesday hit my like a mack truck. I was in so much pain I couldn't move without wanting to scream and the commencement of water works. All that yoga and cleaning put the icing on my already injured back. Off to the chiropractor with me. The second he adjusted my neck I got one of the worse headaches I can ever remember in my life. Yikes!

Thursday I went back for more chiropractor torture and to be perfectly honest was quite possibly the worst day I have ever had in my life short of the days I lost some important people in my life. The shit storm just wouldn't end. Like a dumbass I tried to take the labbie for a walk right after I left the chiro table. Dumb ass idea number one. She drug me all over the river bottoms chasing the scent of every rabbit who ever hopped along the path. This caused further wrenching of my back. It is also the day Shawn announced he would be taking a $3.60 an hour pay cut. Commence with the holy fuck thoughts. I had a small tiff with my girlfriend which exacerbated my crappy day. Add on top of that I received an email from my uncle letting me know that my 90 some year old grandmothers body was no longer responding to dialysis and they would be removing her cath and stopping dialysis. It will only be a few weeks and she will be gone. After reading that email I put my head in my hands asked Shawn if the day could get any worse and sobbed into the soft fur of the labbie who caused me so much pain earlier in the day.

Friday I woke up with a sinus pressure headache from hell. A combo of all the crying and the pollen I sucked in on my traipse through the river bottoms. I tried extra strength tylenol, mucinex D and my netti pot. When all of those combined had no effect I hit my bed and slept nearly the entire 80 degree day away. I did wake up feeling enough better that I was able to help the kids put up the trampoline and get the top on the gazebo. I grilled steaks, watched a bit of television and soaked in the jacuzzi tub before getting back into bed at 9. All in all I was awake far less than I was asleep that day.

Yesterday Shawn and I took the girls shopping, worked in the yard a bit and painted the trim on the house. Last night we played cards with some very fun people. It was the perfect end to my shitty week.

In other news....Sky slept over at a friends last night!! It is the first time she has actually stayed without us picking her up before 11. I am so happy for her. She's growing up!

The serial killer is on the loose again. I discovered two victims under the deck today. A headless bird who's head was found on the other side of the house and a headless baby bunny who's head has yet to be found. I put a collar with a bell on him but he is still just too sneaky. Fucking cat.

And the winner is.......

2009-04-16T08:40:00.003-05:00

There were a few snafu's along the way with this giveaway. Like someone decided to leave several comments which I don't think is fair so, only one of that persons comments count as an entry. My numbers were 6 and 13. Since there was no comment number 13 I threw the remaining names into a hat and drew.

The winners are........

(insert drumroll here)

Kat and Deb!!

Send me your mailing addresses and your pick of picture and I will get them sent to the printer. photosbynature@gmail.com

Because Everyone is Doing It!

2009-04-14T09:46:00.003-05:00

I am feeling rather generous today. Because of that I have decided to do a giveaway!!

Here is the scoop:

Leave me a comment on this post, it doesn't have to be anything specific, a hello will work.

I will pick a few random numbers, right now. If your comment is one of those numbers you win.

For every 10 comments one prize will be awarded.

The prize you ask.....one of my prints in a 5x7 size. You choose. You can choose any print at my Etsy store OR any photo found on this blog barring I still have the full size file and the print isn't of a person. If you have the hots for my husband or best friend...sorry. No people.

The contest ends Thursday April 16th at 9 am EST.

Get to commenting people!!

Happy....!

2009-04-12T09:16:00.004-05:00

Today's post is two-fold.

Happy Easter! I hope you all have the opportunity to eat lots of Peeps and enjoy your family!

Second I would like to say Happy Birthday to my Jill, my best friend, my amigo, my pal. You get the idea. Run over and give Cat mad birthday love!!

PS. Sorry about the coloring on the egg that says "happy". Try getting your kids to leave the eggs in the dye long enough. Go ahead, I dare ya!

Happy Easter Eve

2009-04-11T18:18:00.002-05:00

Happy Easter Eve everybody!

It couldn't have been more beautiful today. We spent the entire day outside working in the yard (the kids played) and visiting with our new neighbors. Spring has finally sprung!!

Mission Complete

2009-04-10T13:50:00.004-05:00

One hundred days ago I made my new years resolution to post a picture here every single day for one hundred days. I really needed blog fodder at the time but mostly I did it to challenge myself artistically and creatively. I accomplished all of those things and so many more.

I don't plan to stop posting pictures every day because I have really enjoyed it. I just won't feel bad if don't!

Happy 100 to me! :)

Yogi

2009-04-09T08:33:00.004-05:00

I spent hours yesterday bitching and moaning about being sore from Yoga. Several times Ed declared how easy Yoga is. Big mistake kiddo.

I decided to have him do some poses. Ha!

After nearly an hour of trying to get into downward dog he almost got it. The important thing though is I got to laugh at him and let him know that no Yoga is not easy. Plus I got some pictures that will someday be very useful. I am thinking maybe on his wedding day I will make a slide show and this picture will be included.

Notice how he just cannot get his heals down? Hey this stuff is easy. Yeah right.

Jumble

2009-04-08T13:40:00.004-05:00

Wow its 1:40 and I'm just now posting. In all honesty, I forgot.

I have been so busy today and so incredibly exhausted.

I had to fill out my FAFSA for college. What an ass pain. That took quite some time.

I had to do what every other Mom in the world has to do, pick up after the hurricanes that ripped through my house this morning before school.

Not to mention I am moving at a snails pace today. Just a word of warning to all of you who may not know better. Do not skip several weeks of Yoga and then dive right back in without first warning your body that you are about to punish it within an inch of its life.

I wanted to go ride my bike to try to work the knots out of my legs. The temperature is 40 degrees. Forget about it. Brrrr.

If I didn't know better I would swear I have PMS. I am going to take a nap. Vacuuming can wait.

Busy Bee

2009-04-07T08:56:00.004-05:00

Today is promising to be very busy.

This afternoon I have an appointment with the admissions office at our local tech college. I am exploring going back to get my photography degree.

Ed has decided to go to prom this spring and needs to go rent a tux. I have no idea how I will fit that in to my day since the rental store is only taking prom tux rentals from 5-7 PM.

The girls have dance at 6, I have Yoga at 6:30.

Busy, busy day.

Why?

2009-04-06T08:22:00.004-05:00

What in the hell? I want to know what kind of nation we live in where there can be multiple mass killings in a week and they have become so common place that people barely bat an eye.

What kind of society have we created that people treat violence like they are watching a movie? You cannot kill 13 people and yourself then hit the power button, reload the game and try again.

There has to be an end to this insanity. We as a nation need to stand up and start noticing what is going on around us. The neighbors of the man who shot all 5 of his children and later himself, said they heard him screaming at his children often and had called CPS several times. It makes me wonder what CPS found when they investigated.

Some blowhole was on CNN last night saying these things happen back to back because people see the coverage on television and it is easy to then see oneself in that scenario, killing random innocent people as a way to take control back of their life. Bullshit. Never once have I watched the coverage and thought hey I could pull that off. Every single time I see something so shocking and violent I get sad, then mad and I wonder what the hell went on in that killers mind.

We all as mankind need to stand together and stop allowing these things to happen. Stop romanticizing mayhem and murder on television, on the big screen and in video games. There is not reset button for real life.

Gobble Gobble

2009-04-05T13:51:00.004-05:00

Today Cat and I made our semi-annual shopping trip to the largest craft fair in the midwest. As always I spent too much money on too many useless things. Its always fun though. I noticed this year though that the number of shoppers was way down as were the number of items carried by those shoppers. This damn economy is killing everything. In years past their are always so many people that the only way through is to elbow and shove. Not so much this year. We made it through the whole thing in a little over an hour which is about an hour and a half shy of what it normally takes.

On the way to lunch we saw the coolest thing! Cars stopped on the highway because of turkeys! Cat counted 19. I of course pulled over and whipped out my camera. They were a ways off for what my zoom can do but I wanted to share anyway.

Now I am going to take a nap. Zzzzzzz.

Focused

2009-04-04T09:54:00.003-05:00

Because of some military clearance things that needed done I was able to spend the entire day with the teen yesterday. It was awesome having an whole day to spend with him with no distractions.

On the way home from the cities he suggested we go for a hike at this park he knew of so I could get some pictures. He directed me how to get there. It was unbelievable when we arrived. The very place he wanted to go was the old farmstead of my husbands grandparents. The county bought the land years ago, rehabbed the buildings and made it a park. I have been wanting to go explore the place for months. Unfortunately we didn't make it in far enough to get photos of the buildings. I did however get to play with my camera a bit and explore the settings to see what I could come up with.

The picture above is part of that playing. I purposely tried to make the bottom of the picture out of focus. It wasn't mean to be featured on any of my websites but I think it turned out kind of interesting and decided to share.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Fat Robin

2009-04-03T09:10:00.003-05:00

I took my first fat robin pictures of the year yesterday. Fat robins really drive home the fact that spring is on the way. This particular fat robin was in the top of a very large tree, the zoom on my camera was all the way extended. If you enlarge the picture you will see all the buds on the tree are about to explode!

We had mommy and daddy fat robins make nests under our deck several years in a row. I always took great care to keep the kids away from the nests as to not spook the parents. Then the damn cat got out. No more fat robins. They seem to be his favorite snack. Sky did get to take a nest full of eggs in one year for show and tell due to the parents being viciously murdered by the damned cat.

I haven't seen a single fat robin in our yard this spring. They remember the murderous feline lives here. We do however have those fuckers that build their nests under the eaves of our house. They are right above our living room window and my office window. It is hilarious watching Linus slam himself into the window several times a day trying to get to the birds. He is getting a belled collar this year so the poor little rodents and birds can hear him coming.

It really is the small things in life that entertain me.