Effing Cold!

I tried to go outside this morning to get a few shots for today's post. I wanted a picture of a hibiscus tree covered in snow that I didn't rescue from the cold in time only my deck door was frozen shut. I yanked and yanked. Nothing. I beat on the frame and yanked some more. Finally it gave and opened. I got my shot but it sucked. On to my next mark. An areal shot of my frozen pond. Fucking window won't open. Frozen. I whip myself into a panic wondering what would happen in a fire. We would all be trapped inside the house due to everything being frozen closed, just about then it occurred to me, the ice would melt due to the extreme temperatures. Yep, I am a bit slow.

The window wouldn't budge so I threw on the Uggs and ventured 5 feet out the front door for today's shots. It is so flippin' cold I was afraid my camera wouldn't work upon re-entry. My fingers certainly didn't. This is what you get today Internet. Stay warm and if you live in Florida, California or any other warm climate you can kiss my ass and then invite me over for a visit.

Enjoy in Moderation? Ha!

Lately this is all that gets me through. I did go through a dry stretch for awhile where I hardly drank anything at all. Recently I jumped back on the wagon. Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's the stress. Life is just much better with with wine these days. Enjoy!

Crazy Lights

Saturday night before the big poker game our girls participated in a dance show at our local high school. The Varsity, Junior Varsity and Junior High dance squads participated as well as dancers from a day camp the high schooler's taught and 2 dance companies from our town.

The Varsity dance team was unbelievable. I have a dance background and have some idea what it takes to choreograph a dance and all the hard work that goes into performing. I can't begin to count the number of times I was in awe watching those girls. They knew their shit.

The last number of the night was done completely in the dark with glow sticks in hand. It was a sight to see and one of those moments that made me yearn for a better camera. The photo you are getting today is my lame ass attempt at catching the magic of the show.

Poker Sucks

At one point Shawn and I were very much into playing texas hold 'em. I am embarrassed to admit how much time, money and energy we spent on playing that damn game. When our built in baby sitter, aka oldest son moved out we decided it wasn't really even worth paying a sitter to play and quite frankly we were burnt out on the donkey players in our league among other things. So, I quite directing tournaments, we stopped playing and life became so much calmer and devoid of jackass people in our lives. Until recently when our built in babysitter moved back.

After a year and a half we had forgot about the donkey players and the rude fucking people who plague or league. We jumped back in last Sunday night. Sitting at the table I did a few eeeyaaa's when some jack ass would play like a donkey. All in great fun. Then there were the people who got pissed when they were taken out by much better cards than they had. I heard a ton of "I can't believe you played that". Really jackass? I mean some of these people have been playing in the league for 3 plus years. They still don't realize they aren't in Vegas at the WSOP. That night on our way home I looked at hubby and told him all of that bullshit is exactly why I stopped playing. Too late though. We had already accepted an invitation to a home game last night. Don't get me wrong. Shawn is great friends with the hosts of the game. I honestly like most of the people who played there last night. They are among the best of the players I have ever played against BUT there were some donkeys there too and some flat out bitches and cocksuckers. Eventually I was knocked out of the game and hey you all know me. I don't pass up and opportunity to take photos. Immediately people are bitching about the flash. Suck it fuckers I wanted to say but I didn't. Then I hear Jesus Christ, enough is enough. Are you fucking kidding me you uppity old bitch. My tiny little flash is worthy of you breaking out the JC? About 2 minutes after that I gave Shawn the look and quickly exited stage left. Some people are such jack fucks. I don't plan on playing again anytime soon. People piss me right the fuck off! EEEEYAAAA!

The Trouble With Smoking

I heard a news story today about how they changed the paper on cigarettes so if they aren't puffed on they go out. Its a new safety feature or some shit. But it got me thinking on what great blog material I had here and how you all can be my personal cheerleaders.

I started smoking when I was 13 years old. I am 33 now. After 20 years I think its time to give it up. I am sure I started for all the same reasons any teenager starts smoking. They think its cool, it helps them fit in. You know, peer pressure bullshit. After 20 years I want to quit for all the same reasons most adults want to quit.

It smells. I hate the smell on my clothes, in my hair, on my breath. I am quite sure my poor husband gags every night when crawl into bed after my bedtime smoke.

My teeth look like hell. Years of coffee, soda, red wine and cigarettes have taken their toll on my pearly yellows. I have to have a ton of dental work done in the next few months including replacing some old veneers. I cannot have super white veneers mixed in with yellow smoke stained teeth. I just can't. If I succeed at quitting I can use all the money I save to bleach the hell out of my teeth so they are pretty white again.

One night this summer while we were on vacation in Wisconsin we were playing a drinking game along the lines of 20 questions. When it was Shawn's turned he asked my when I planned to stop. I know it's an innocent question but he had those puppy dog eyes when he asked. The memory of those puppy dog eyes have stayed with me.

I smoke a pack a day easily. More if I am super stressed so you can all imagine I have been hitting it hard since I've been dealing with my Dad's house. When I think about the fact I spend roughly $5 a day for 365 days a year that is a grand total of 1825.00 a year. Do you have any idea how many Coach handbags I could buy with that kind of money? In 2 years I could buy a hot tub to go on the deck we built especially for a hot tub and never actually equipped it with said warm and relaxing. I know it is unlikely I will actually put $5 a day away but maybe I could open up a savings account and just move $35 a week over.

The big kicker, the reason among reasons, the hail mary of reasons I want to quit is 2 fold. Number one my kids. I know they are breathing the shit somehow and it isn't good for them at all. Hannah and Ed both have asthma and cigarette smoke is just about the number one worst thing for them to breath. Not to mention the long term effects on all of them including the hubby.

Number 2 is myself. Did I mention my kids inherited their asthma from me? Yeah. I am also worried about cancer and emphysema. My Grandma Fritz died of emphysema when I was 14. It was awful to see my wonderful Grandma struggling to breath. Constantly hooked to an oxygen machine. I want to be there for my Grand kids for as long as I can. I don't want to leave them before they are 16 or god forbid before they are ever even born. I want to watch my kids grow up and have babies. So, it is in my best interest to throw this 20 year habit out the window.

I know it won't be easy. I smoked through half of my developmental years. I don't think I will know how to act without a cigarette between my fingers but I am determined to learn. I love the feeling of lighting up a cigarette and taking that first drag. The taste of the first drag is indescribable but I hear you can actually start tasting food again once you quit so maybe I can become addicted to the taste of garlic. Mmmmm garlic.

Quit date: February 1

What this blog does

So for some dumb reason I got it in my head last night that my blog URL needed to match my blog name. Seriously? I didn't for a second think of any of the reprocussions of changing it. Even the obvious ones like say, no one will no where I went and ones like, I will have to go back and add every single blog I read into my blog roll. Maybe I can blame it on being hung over? Yeah that's it. I am going to blame being hung over. When I am hung over I can't think straight.

I normally walk around with my camera in my hand or close enough I can get to it within 10 seconds and hopefully not miss any desired shots. This decision to post 100 photos in 100 days has turned me into a drunken, camera wielding alcoholic who is constantly at the ready. I don't even bother to put the camera down now. As long as I have a hand free for that drink I will have no problems and may just be successful in taking 1 million photos so I can pick 100 good ones.

*Total props goes to Cat for taking this photo.

Edit: Does anyone know why the spacing won't work in my post? It looks great when I compose it but when I publish it all mashes together. Help!

Happy 100, a Blog Resolution

I have been kicking around what to do for my 100th post. I absolutely refuse to do a list of 100 anything Cat, so sorry. I have decided that in honor of my 100th post I will post 100 pictures. Not now sillies! 100 pictures over the next 100 days. I haven't decided if the pictures will be taken that day or if they will be photos from years ago. I just dunno but I do know that this is my blog and i'll decide. Got it?

Todays photo was taken last night. This is how we drunken housewives roll. You dig?Happy 2009!

Just a quick edit......I somehow ended up deleting my entire blog roll. UGH!

In Celebration of Number 99

This is my 99th post. True it really isn't my 99th post on blogger, I ported my old AOL journal over here and if I ported my myspace blog too I would be way up over 99. For now though this is my 99th post.

I have been thinking about what I could do on this monumental occasion. I could post a picture of myself but I have already done that. I could flash you my boobs but really, almost everyone has seen them already. I could do all sorts of silly attention grabbing hijinks's but I just don't wanna.

Instead I am going to take the time to wish all of you a happy, prosperous, safe and healthy New Year soooooo......

Happy New Year Internet!!

Ok maybe just one little picture. Think of it as my new years gift to all of you. Sorry about the boob thing she just can't help herself.

Server Nightmare

The strangest thing just happened. Strange in the fact that it hasn't happened in quite some time. Nearly a year to be exact. I thought I had escaped them, I thought they were gone. Until today. I had a server nightmare.
I used to have them all the time. Wake up in a cold sweat. Scream. Then a year ago I quit my job and my life as a 16 year career server ended. The nightmares ended. It was sweet relief. No more dreaming about forgetting someones food or having a customer scream at me in front of a restaurant full of people or a number of other nightmareish things a servers exhausted mind can dream up. Until today.
I woke up from my nap and my first thought was "shit, I just had one". I dreamt that I was back at my old haunt. The place had just reopened after being closed. It was present time. The old manager D was back and unfortunately, so was I. In this particular nightmare I was in the weeds because the root beer line was full of air and everyone wanted root beer. I dropped hot food on a little old lady as I passed her. Tried to take a food order from the wrong table and made it to my own table woefully late because whomever took their drink order wouldn't give it to me.
This dream was realistic in the fact the manager made inappropriate comments to me and the other girls and the staff was under skilled and under age.
It was a really odd dream. I wonder what my mind is trying to tell me? If it thinks I am going back to waiting tables then my mind can kiss my ass.

Mexican Food Recipe Help

Every year Shawn and I host the New Years Eve party for our friends. It is a blast to mesh my friends and his friends together because I have to be honest here. Most of our friends totally rock!
Last year I did a taco buffet that rocked so of course I want to do it again this year. Why mess with a good thing?
I am looking for suggestions on what to serve. So far I have hamburger and chicken tacos, 7 layer dip, cream cheese and salsa dip, homemade salsa with chips, and sopapilla's for dessert. Cat has volunteered to bring the guacamole. Yummy!
Internet, I need some more suggestions. Any ideas?

Christmas Eve In Review

I could write a whole bunch about how chaotic and crazy Christmas Eve was but Christmas Day was even more so which resulted with me lying in bed in tears before 9 am. Ugh! The kids all had a fabulous time which is what counts. They all got what they asked for, thank goodness they didn't ask for much. I will fill you all in tomorrow when I have had a bit more time to rest and recover. We just took Ed's sutures out of his arm and now I feel nauseous on top of the tired. More to come tomorrow, for now pictures of Santa Clause cookie decorating and Christmas Eve present opening. Enjoy!

Too bad he has 3 and a half more years before legal drinking age

Nice finger kid
I pointed it out to him today and he laughed and said it wasn't on purpose.
Uh Huh.

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Kid

It's the only thing I asked for...well one of the only things

Standing around being cute is hard work

Cheese

Hiding behind her gift

Second round of sugar cookie decorating for the season

Santa had better like these

No pictures please

Hard at work

Thank you humans

At first when I told Linus his post received a ton of comments he got all shy and hid......





But he quickly got over himself and went right back to doing what he does best, sleeping in his very own Moses basket. He thanks you all, he told me.

I don't intend this to be a photoblog.....I swear!

Three days before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
But a cat and a mouse

So I don't intend this to be a photoblog. I just don't have much to say but I am however a mad photographer. I'm sure no one but Kate will really dig the whole funny cat story so, Kate this is for you!

Weeks ago I bought Linus a wind up mouse. He adamantly refused to even look at it. I would lay it near him, he would run, over and over. Yesterday however, out of the blue he decided the thing must die. He flung it all over the kitchen and carried it around by the tail for nearly 45 minutes. When he decided it was sufficiently dead he cuddled up with it and took a nap. The pictures are backwards in the post. The bottom one was taken first, that was the stalking of the mouse. The first one was taken last, naptime.

Hopefully something mildly interesting happens to me soon, beyond a $5000 estimate from the electrician, so I have something fascinating to say!

Welcome Winter!

On a much brighter note than I have been on....yesterday was the winter solstice which means.....the days will start getting longer! Yay! It may be frigid and nearly unliveable here in Minnesota but the sun will slowly start burning brighter and longer and that puts me in a very good mood. Welcome Miss Winter! I call you Miss Winter instead of Mr. Winter because only a Miss could be so beautiful and such a bitch at the same time.

The shit continues....

I just get cut a break. We were reminded today what a truly small and selfish person my Mother in law is which is always a slap in the face. A bit ago I opened the freezer side on the fridge and was greeted with a 5 pound sugar shower. Shawn had moved the canister of sugar and forgot to move it back away from the edge. After that was cleaned up I decided to head to the chest freezer downstairs to see what I could find for dinner. I unloaded the mounds of shit accumulated on the lid and opened it up for about 5 seconds when I was greeted with the most nasty assed smell ever. I gagged and closed the lid. Weeks ago Ed accidentally unplugged it. Hundreds of dollars worth of food just went to the dumpster. I guess that is how it goes. Runs of threes. Mother in law, sugar, nasty assedness.

Snow!!

Note to self

....flying through the air and landing in a snowbank is cold....

avoid at all costs

Hannah going into the big wipeout

Hannah after wiping out...moments later she was sobbing from the cold

Miss Sky in awe of the wipeout










Matthew post mini wipeout. He later hit the mailbox and still went back for more

Hannah pre-wipe out

Watching Sky take her turn

Should I Rename this Blog?

So I am wondering if maybe I should just change the name of my blog? Or not? Because now I am really desperate. Me thinks this may become an exceptionally old house remodeling blog.
I spent 2 hours over there this morning waiting on an electrician. He never showed. This guy called me! I didn't seek him out. He is a friend of our insurance agent. I guess now I will have to find an electrician on my own. If anyone knows an electrician based south of the Twin Cities metro give me a holler. Holla!
While waiting for Mr. No Show we decided to do some more demo'ing. Lord help me before I kill my Dad. First he decides it would be cleaner to tear down the lathe one piece at a time while removing the nails as he went. Oh hell no, rip the shit down and we'll sweep it up. Yep, that's how it works. I don't have 6 months to demo this house. God willing Shawn will go back to work sometime soon. The sooner we get this house done the better. I am still in the midst of a basement remodel of my own here.
The real kicker of the morning goes something like this....
The house was built in 1930 (hello broken record. How many times will you tell us when the shitty old house was built??) so it is filled with asbestos and lead paint. Shawn and I immediately ditch our clothes and shoes and shower the second we walk in. We cannot bring that shit in our house for our kids to breath in or touch or whatever. I was lolling away in the shower enjoying the steam when I hear clop, clop, clop. Holy fuck! He has his shoes on in my house! Shoes covered with asbestos and lead paint dust. Oh my god, oh my god. Please I am praying dear lord make him take his shoes off. I am standing in the steam of the shower steaming over the fact he has so little regard for my house or my kids that he would wear his shoes on my carpet and his clothes on my couch. I love my dad and I know he is old and quirky but come on! Shawn and I just stripped down in the foyer.
That is just the first half of my day people. I still have a dentist appointment left to go. Is it Friday yet?? I cannot wait to see my Jill and imbibe ourselves with so much wine I have no choice but to forget how much stress I am feeling. Anyone know a good masseuse??

When it rains, it literally rains. (Also see "Oh Shit")

So you know people say God won't give you more than you can handle? I have said that many times myself. Well hello God. I may be at my limit.


Early Friday morning I was drove the kids to school. Stopped briefly to have a conversation with another Mom about where I bought Hannah's Skecher boots and where she could get her daughter some. Hannah had the boots last year. Some people have a good memory. I apparently don't. Turns out I can't remember to turn a heater on.


I decided to stop at my Dad's new house that he just closed on last Wednesday. Check the mail, make sure everything was okay. He is a long haul trucker and all these new chores have fallen on me. Only I suck.


I walked up the sidewalk and noticed the glass on the door had a bunch of condensation on it. I remember wondering why, then I walked in. I am really a ditz. I noticed several boxes were askew on the kitchen floor and wondered if someone had broke in. I stepped back a few steps thinking maybe someone was in the house. That was when it hit me, the thunderous roar of water pouring from the ceiling. Not a drip, drip, drip. A thunderous roar. Enough water to float several boxes full of kitchen appliances across the kitchen floor. I ducked through the water and walked into the living room where there was even more water pouring out of the light fixture in that room. Lovely, just lovely.

Time to back it up a few days, Wednesday Shawn and I went over to the house to put plastic on the windows. Apparently super old houses need that. I am not well versed with super old houses. Obviously. The kids pointed out the ice in the sink and toilet. Oops. I guess in the transfer from seller to buyer no one thought to turn up the heat. So we just did it. Never once thinking frozen pipes burst when heated. Once again, never had to worry about that before. I am just getting a well rounded education.

Ok back to Friday. I immediately ran to my car to get my phone. Fuck! Shawn's phone is dead and going right to voicemail. So, I have to speed home to get Shawn and explain the problem. Did you shut the water off he asks? Do I know how to do that? Seriously? I could do it here at my own house but not at a house recently purchased and built in 1930!

The entire day was just a calamity, really, I swore I had to be on candid camera because shit like this does not happen to people. Seriously. I called the insurance company. Less than 2 hours later the adjuster called back to deny the claim? Huh? Wanna think about it first? In the mean time I had already called a water restoration team out. Thanks for showing up guys but the insurance won't pay you. What do you charge? $3000 for some fans! Are you serious? Really. Where is that camera? Shawn and I decided we would just clean the shit up ourselves. You know, turn up the heat to a billion degrees, turn on the fans, stuff like that. After 8 hours dealing with water we headed home.

Saturday morning a friend met us over there to help remove an antique built in cabinet from the kitchen so we could get the soaked linoleum up before it warped the hard woods underneath that we wanted to restore. Ha ha! You silly girl. Rip up 4 layers of linoleum. The stuff laid in 1930, then 1950, then 1970 then sometime in the 90's. At least they were consistent. New linoleum every 20 years. Underneath all those layers of linoleum was the most rotted out nastiest smelling hard wood floors I have ever seen. Holy shit. So much for restoring those. We got the cabinet out only to discover the walls were so wet they crumbled when you touched them. We spent another 8 hours demolishing the walls, floors and ceiling. Also an entire demolition of the bathroom which was also soaked. So after 16 hours of work all we had was a big mess, a ton of stress on how this would be paid for and sore muscles from all the work. But alas my stress level isn't even close to being maxed out yet.

Saturday night around 11:30 I get a call from Ed's friend Michael's Mom. Ed was goofing off and cut himself, he just passed out in the bathroom and needs stitches. Not exactly what I wanted to hear after the 2 days I had just dealt with. 7 stitches and several hours at the ER later we are on our way out. Did I mention the kid doesn't have insurance. Its a whole other story so add to my stress the cost of an ER visit. Are you feeling it yet?? We aren't even done yet. It gets so much better.

Sunday morning my Dad got to town. I was stressed about his reaction to seeing what we had done to his house. If he was pissed he hid it well but now I have the mother of all sinus infections. Shit! I had planned to spend the entire day making Christmas cookies and candy with the kids. I had to cut out for a several hour long nap to try and rid myself of the headache. My husband stepped in. Sometimes I love that man, sometimes. I think after dealing with my Dad's house and helping the kids with baking and homework this week I may just reward him with that Crash Bandicoot game he wants.

Monday I had a lady parts appointment and sang the praises of YAZ to my doctor. He has no real idea what I would do without my non crazy pills in this situation. I got a flu shot too and did not sing its praises. I curse the flu shot just as it cursed me. I felt so lousy that evening all I could do was lie on the floor in front of the space heater, moan, shiver and whine about how bad I felt but I couldn't give in because the recruiter was coming over so I could sign my sons life away (or the next 6 years) to the Minnesota National Guard. STRESS!! My kid is joining the military. STRESS!!

Today, Tuesday, I heard back a definite no from the insurance company so I had to have a long talk with my Dad about how he planned to pay for this mess he has among a million other things. Calling all the contractors back and thanking them but no sorry we will be doing the work ourselves. I did get in a Christmas shopping trip in today under the disguise of going to Home Depot to price check so my Dad could make a budget. Honey we are so close to the mall, can we please stop there so I can finish Christmas shopping?? Please?? Oh yeah, it worked.

Tonight I had to freak out on my poor family and tell everyone i was locking myself in my office for the whole night so I could work on my Mom's Christmas present. Which I almost lost when the page unexpectedly refreshed causing me to have a major panic attack. I had just worked 2 hours on that project and I don't have 2 more to give. But all was saved, leading me to believe that just maybe my luck is turning around. Maybe God is listening to what I am saying. I am at the end of my rope here.

Jill of the Year

Internet, I am here to tell you why my Jill is the best Jill ever.

If you don't know what a Jill is then by all means please google the phrase "IDK my BFF Jill".

Who else than my Jill would go all the way to Arkansas just to go to a flea market and bring me back the most beautifully carved wooden turtle my eyes have ever seen. (Please ignore the facts here, she went to Arkansas to visit her family and most importantly the ever growing Baby Love.) She more than anyone understands my adoration of all things turtle. While she on vacation I sent her a text telling her that my first and most loved turtle "Blade" had gone missing from the turtle pond I built in my front yard. She didn't even text me back. Immediately she called and listened to me do nothing but sob into the phone. She was in CALIFORNIA on vacation. She has gifted me so many turtle items. A turtle frame to put the picture of my love Blade in, a book all about turtles, a turtle back massager, a turtle air freshener and now the most beautifully carved wooden turtle my eyes have ever seen. Yep, she gets it.

Also, who but my Jill would suffer through cake and ice cream for a 7 year old she isn't even related by blood to? She is honorary aunt so she is related. Not just suffer through the evening but take pictures and smile for them.

For these reasons and a million more I nominate her for Jill of the year. Since I am the one giving out the award I declare her the winner. Now I should make her an actual award....

She has had a really tough go of it the last few months so please drop by her blog, give her some love and congratulate her on her hard earned award.

http://http//zipbagofbones.blogspot.com/

That's My Girl!

Today is Hannah's 7th birthday.
They had a talent show at her school today and she won first prize for singing! The song she sang? Iron Man by Ozzy Osbourne. Yup. That's my girl. I am totally curious as to what the teachers thought when she broke out that little diddy.