The End of an Era?

The end of an era? Probably not but it feels like it. Tonight was my last night at the Corral. I am sad that I don't feel sad if that makes sense. It seems I have been there forever. I just really wanted to leave the whole night. It was time to quit! I am going to miss Mary, that's about it.

Hannah made my day when I got home tonight. She said "so you are done? You aren't going back? Yay that means you can spend more time with us!" As she ran into my arms and hugged me. That my friends is the reason I breathe.

Stuck up bitch?? Me?

So tonight I was accused of being a stuck up bitch who thinks I am better than others. Why? Because some girl in our party yelled across a 4 star restaurant asking me how much my Coach cost. I looked at her stunned and couldn't reply because then I would have to yell across the restaurant back at her. So I simply gave a goofy look and went outside to smoke. This girl was a guest at the party I was attending at this restaurant, not someone I would socialize with on any sort of basis but still. She couldn't realize what she did was rude and instead had to turn it around on me?? GMAB!! She ended up crying and saying she should have never came. No sweetheart if you don't know how to behave in public you probably shouldn't have. I may not be better than you but I certainly have better social graces.

 

Edit:

Forgot to add, I quit the Corral tonight. Slightly sad but mostly just relieved. My boss said he knew it was coming. At least he expected it. We are parting on good terms. I have been there along time, I feel like I am moving out of the place I grew up.

Have you ever needed to have yourself a really good cry and not even known it?

I was poking around a bit on a file sharing site and came across a song I know I used to love so I downloaded it and hit play. The tears just came, hot sad, huge tears. Tears I never knew I had inside me. I knew I loved the song and I realized I hadn't heard it in nearly 15 years. It was the song I sang to my oldest in the middle of the night when nothing else would sooth him but to walk the hall and sing to him. The song is Baby of Mine.

It made me long for the days of my baby, the sweet smell of his breath. The comforting smell of his jammies freshly washed in Dreft. His black eyes staring up at me in the darkness. All those nights of him and I alone in the world right before my brother would take him out of my hands for his turn to walk the hall with the baby.

I have this strange urge to call my baby home from school, plop him on my lap and sing Baby of Mine to him. It's to bad that he is 15 now and could hold me on his lap.

 

Another part of the tears is that tomorrow is the one year anniversary of Scott's death. The pain is still fresh and new. The family Christmas was hard. I miss him now just as much as ever. I wish I had the chance to tell him what his friendship meant to me. Wherever you are Scott, I miss you more than words can say....

A circle New Year

Here are some of the highlights from our cul-de-sac New Years party. Of course great fun was had by all, to much fun.

My best friend Cat and I

 

Me!

Me again!

Deeogee

Some crazy circle girls

Mom and Ed

My adorable husband!

Sad

So, when times get hard for me and I have personaly struggles I do what I do best. Sit down on the keyboard and start pounding. I try to get everything out that I am feeling inside but often the words do come as easily as they do in my mind.

Yesterday my good friend Jeremy's grandmother was removed from life support. Today my good friend Scott's grandmother died, also today in roughly an hour my family and those I love will be gathering more than 700 miles away to pay their final respects to my Uncle who died Monday.

Thereis more death than I can wrap my mind around this week. I'd like to say my heart has gone numb and is just rolling with the punches but it hasn't. It just keeps hurting more with the news of each death.

I fear my grandfather will be next. He is having a hard time with my uncles death and he is 89 years old. It will take more than the time of year and a blizzard to keep me away if that is the case.

I don't have the time or energy to edit this entry. What you get are my raw emotions and my bad typing skills. I have to go to work, this is going to be a long night. Please pray for Jeremy, Scott and my entire family. My aunt is mourning the death of her second husband, my cousins are mourning the death of their second Dad. Life is so damn unfair.

Yesterday my baby turned 5!

 

It was such a sad thing for me. She is the baby and will stay that way. As long as she was under 5 she was still a preschooler and could be a baby. Now she is officially grade school age and has passed the baby stage. ::sigh::

 

She really did have a good birthday though. We took her to the Mall of America to see the largest gingerbread house in the world. It was really cool. We did some shopping and ended the outing with a trip to Lego Land. Very cool! She has Keely and Patrick come over for ice cream cake and presents. Keely stayed and helped us decorate our tree. She has a great day!

 

Tomorrow Matthew is going to listen to Heidi Piper speak at a school in St. Paul. She is the astronaut from Minnesota that was on the last space mission. I think it is so exciting! He is going with a group that he is in. They should have a good time.

 

Ed got his ass grounded yesterday. I didn't understand teens when I was one and I don't understand them now. I still have 3 more to go through once I have him done. That really sucks. I love babies but I'm not so fond of teenagers.

 

I have to meet with yet another contractor some time this week. The one I met with on Thursday decided the job was just to big for him. I really wish this would all be done and I would be rockin' in my new joint.

WTF is wrong with people??

I am a lot Pms'ie...you have been warned.

What in the hell is wrong with people?? Seriously!

 

I got up this morning with the intention of heading out to have my manicure touched up. On my way out of our little cul-de-sac I ran across crap scattered everywhere. Seems the guy at the end of the block hired some company to reshingle his roof and they decided to do it with the temp hovering at 20 degrees with the wind chills well below zero.

Nothing pisses me off more than garbage blowing around in our neighborhood (okay some things piss me off but this is at the top of the list). So, I stopped and asked the guys if they were planning to clean all the crap up. The ones shrugs and looks at me like no habla english. Dumb ass. I repeat it a bit louder so maybe the guys, oh say, on the roof can hear me. No answer so I say you had better get this stuff cleaned up it's all over the yards. What is the stuff you ask? It's shingles and tar paper. Who I ask again redoes their roof when the wind chill is below zero?

 

So I had on over to the nail salon. I walk in and Julie my regular nail tech goes and gets some other girl and heads off. SHIT!! It's her lunch break. Great timing dumb ass. Me I mean, not her.

I think this isn't good but it can't be that bad I mean Julie is the best and she hired her right? Wrong!

I tell her they need to be shorter she takes next to nothing off and tells me I don't want them shorter. Then she overlays them so fat I had a half inch thick nail. I tell her thin, I like them thin, she shaves practically nothing off off and tells me it's good.

I am thinking at this point I will just let her finish ask her not to paint them and head to a different salon to have them fixed. I mean obviously she doesn't want to do them the way I want, but then I think the hell if I will pay her to do my nails wrong then pay someone else to fix them so I tell her they are wrong. By this time Julie senses something is up and comes over and tells her how to do them. Julie my saving grace. She gets them almost thin enough and then says oh you like them thin. No shit Sherlock. That's what I told you 3 times!

So she gets them painted and tells me they are dry enough to go., I say I don't think so they still feel tacky. She tells me no, they are dry you go now. So I did and promptly fudged them all up because guess what! They weren't dry!

Next time it isJulie or nobody and guess how long this little excersion took for me to waste my money? An hour, a freakin hour. It takes Julie 20 minutes start to finish with drying time. ::sigh::

 

On my way home I pull into the cul-de-sac and all of the crap is picked up! I doubt it would have been though had I not bitched.

A few hours later I had to run over and buy some female products, on my way out the yards were covered with shit again. I give up! Tomorrow I will just call in a littering complaint. Dumb freaking people who can't speak english.

 

I won't even bore you with the details of the jack ass who rolled through the stop sign so they could pull out RIGHT in front of me and go a max speed of 10MPH. Or the $50 power cord I bought for my laptop and it still doesn't work.

 

This was just a shitty day and I need a glass of wine which I can't have because I have an early morning meeting and if I have wine tonight I won't want to function in the morning. Oh hell, pass me the merlot!

I gotta babble before I burst.

 

Funny how I have spent so much time running from my past. Trying to escape all the demons, to move on and outgrow that girl I used to be. Running ahead, or so I thought and then slamming firmly into the past I tried to escape. Getting hit with a 2 ton...heavy thing.

I have become a myspace junkie and did some searching of my old high school. Looking to see where the people from my past ended up. How are they all, where are they all? Did I do better for myself than they did? I had such a shady past and so much to prove that I wanted to be out there and show them. I ended up finding an ex, a long time friend as a matter of fact. One of the people who knew me when. I caught up with him and realized although I have changed some things never do. Namely him.

I then found my childhood best friend. She grew up exactly how I knew she would. Beautiful. Everything about her is beautiful. Thinking about her takes me back to a good place, a peaceful place before I set out on my path of self destruction. Finding her led to another childhood friend finding me. Hello past! He is doing so much better for himself than what he could have done and I am proud of him. I really hope he finds somebody to give him back the love he has to give.

 

Things are looking up on the restaurant front. I found a contractor tonight that I am meeting with at the restaurant on Thursday. Hopefully this works. I really like him. I just hope I can trust him with a large amount of my cash. (Or the banks to be exact.) I have some things to finish up but I am hoping I am going in the right direction. I never imagined chasing my dream would be so stressful. I just hope it all pays off in the end and I have the amount of business the current owner does. I also hope my marriage doesn't fall apart because I will never see my husband again. Hopefully the kids don't start calling the cat Mommy. They will definitely be seeing the cat more than they see me.

 

Hannah Belle is turning 5 on Sunday. 5!! Who said my baby girl could turn 5 already? What I wouldn't give to rock that sweet little thing and have her look up at me with those big dark eyes. It all goes so fast.

 

Tonight Skylee wasn't cooperating with Hannah's room cleaning plans and she walked up and told Sky that if she didn't get up and help her right now that she was going to tell all of her friends that she doesn't wear underwear to bed. Where does she get this stuff?? Of course Skylee wears unders to bed. My girls!!

 

That's enough babbling for now. I am completely exhausted and was already in bed until my baby sis called.

 

Peace out all,

Chelle

The offer has been accepted. 2 months to get everything done before closing. Now the fun begins...

Okay so we heard back. The terms changed some. I am not impressed but I can live with them. My banker says they look good. Now I have to convince my husband and he can be a hard sell. His initial reaction will be no. Then I will whine and drop so many numbers on him he will feel as if his head will explode. Then I am hoping he will agree just to shut me up. Am I coniving or what??

You have no idea...

In roughly an hour we will know. We will know what the sellers terms are. I could barf. My nerves are on edge. I want to scream. How do you turn time forward?? Everyone wants to turn time back. In one hour my life will hopefully take a change for the better. ::crossing fingers::

All we are saying is give peace a chance

I was driving Skylee to dance this afternoon and came across 2 women standing on the side of the rode displaying several signs. 2,387 dead. Out of Iraq now. Honk for peace. So I honked, not only did I honk I layed on the horn and gave them the thumbs up sign. In my mind I am still laying on the horn.

Peace...

I am feeling so stressed out and overwhelmed right now. I have a headache that won't subside. I tried the surefire pamprin, chocolate and pepsi and it just didn't work. This is beyond busting I think.

We wrote an offer up last night and it was sent to the sellers broker today. They have to either accept, decline or counter by Wednesday. I can't wait until Wednesday. I am going to have a breakdown. I am anxious, excited and scared all rolled into one.

I feel bad that we are pulling out of Shawn's inheritance early. My MIL is being sucked dry right now. I guess everyone thinks they are entitled to something from her all of the sudden. She has been supporting my SIL for almost a year, Shawn's step sister and brother have racked up debts they can't cover so they are sucking her dry as well. His step brothers ex wife thinks she is entitled to something as well so she has been getting hers too. MIL is happy to give us the money because we are trying to do something to better ourselves with it but I still feel bad. We are paying back what we take out.

I feel so anxious with the waiting. I am not a patient person and I can't handle being told no. I have a feeling my pouty face and feet stomping won't work on these people like it does my husband. I am so screwed.

So, that is where I am at. Stressed. I have a hard time letting my future be in someone else's hands. They have no idea they hold my childhood dream in the palm of their hands.

 

Halloween ramble

The munchkins are out trick or treating with their Dad. So I am here watching old reruns of the Simpsons. Not just any Simpsons reruns but the Tree House of Terror reruns. They are the best and I wait all year to get my fill of them!

So I am sitting here trying with all of might  not to tuck into the bowl of candy waiting in the foyer for all the little ghosts and goblins. I am either PMS'ing or stress'ing but I cannot sate my appetite for sweets this week. I crave anything baked and chocolate. If that won't do I will devour an entire bag of starburts, when that doesn't work I dig into a loaf of banana bread. I have a feeling I am going to OD on snickers bar and wind up in the ER getting my stomach pumped.

This is what Minnesota kids look like when they head out to beg candy from strangers.

 

Hannah and her best friend Keely this morning at school

My little man Talen

A little side note: The vest little man has on was Ed's when he was a baby, 15 years ago.

Speaking of Ed. I gave him a list of rules before he headed out tonight. They included no throwing TP, tomatoes, or eggs. No smashing pumpkins or stealing candy. He sais okay I won't get caught. Boys!! Here is a picture of the stud man who proved last night that he can take his Mom down and give her a wet willy. Why can't he still be a sweet little dude?

Okay, That is enough. I have been super chatty today.

Michelle :)

I heard from the banker this afternoon. They are still thinking they can do the loan but he is worried about the amount of money the sellers are asking for the place so tomorrow we will be making an offer for less than they are asking and with some better terms. Hopefully the sellers accept the offer and the bank accepts the offer. That is the first step in this long road.

Hannah had a mini Halloween party at dance last night. She had a blast and looked so darn adorable!!

 

Today was her preschool party and the kids have their parties this afternoon. Pictures of them to follow.

Happy Halloween

So the 4th annual Halloween party has come and gone. So much preperation for one night. One night that is fairly fuzzy. I do know I got my picture taken with Kiss!! Go Kiss. It was an absolute blast. 

It looks like the neighbors have decided not to move.Yay!! I knew they couldn't live without us.

Here are some picts! Enjoy :)

Shawn and I

Sexy bunny

That is all I can show you folks!!

Call it fate, kismet, call it karma or destiny. Maybe I have ESP? I do know I have a heavy heart. You see, two of the neighbors I posted about yesterday announced last night they may be moving to Vegas. He got a job offer and his parents live there. They wanted to move closer to family. We are family dammit.

There were many tears shed last night, guilt trips as well. How could they even think of leaving us? We are the amigos. How can they take my adopted niece and nephew away?  Hannah's best friend. Do they know how this will tear those girls apart. Those two aren't merely friends, they are sisters. I have never seen any two children spend so much time together. When they were gone for four days Hannah was lost. When they got back Hannah rushed over as they were pulling in the driveway. She had to spend the night. They laid awake talking until midnight and were up at 8 so they could talk some more. Soul sisters those two are. What will become of them if they move?

Then there is my little man. The dude I love as if he were my own. From the time I held that baby in my arms at the hospital I was in love with him. When she had such a hard time with PPD after he was born  I devoted my time to helping her and loving him. That's what friends and families do. I celebrated his first tooth, his silly little crawl, and then the momentous first steps. We sat outside and encouraged him to walk back and forth between us and cheered like mad and covered him with kisses when he did.  They can't take him away from me yet. I haven't cheered when he mastered a two wheel bike yet.

I know, it sounds so silly. They are neighbors after all, some would say. Not many people have the pleasure of having their neighbors turn into their family.

I feel as if my heart is breaking...

Thankful

As I was cleaning my house it caused me to stop and ponder just how blessed I am (yes blessed to do housework).

I am so blessed to live on such a wonderful block with the most amazing neighbors anyone has ever had. We all started out as friendly neighbors and progressed to friends, now I would call us a family.

Most of us don't have any family nearby and heavily rely on each other when times get tough. Tonight I am hosting a pumpkin carving party. This is a tradition, done every year, the people who hosted it in the past moved so now I have picked up the torch.

Saturday someone is hosting our annnual Halloween party. There was talk of dropping it this year but in the end tradition endured.

In November a Thanksgiving feast is held. Everyone is invited to join. In December I host a holiday party. Christmas Eve is spent together partaking in church service, stories for the kids, gifts and wine for the adults. In January a superbowl party is hosted. There are birthday parties thrown and no one is excluded. We buy gifts for each others kids. We spend many weekends together barbequeing in someones garage. Why the garage? Because we are hillbilly's of course. The decks are to hoity toity for our use. There are bon fires and beers and many confidences shared.
Yep, I live in the best neighborhood with the best neighbors ever.
For that I am thankful.

Losing my mind

I am going completely and totally nuts!! I will not make it through this week. I am so afraid there will be another offer on the bar while we are waiting on our financing and we will lose it. I am so afraid of what will become of me if the financing is a no go. Like I said, I am a ball of nerves. Pray for me.

I just got back from meeting with the banker. Did I mention I looked at another restaurant last Thursday? I am hoping all of the disappointments we have had in the last few months have led us to this place. I would love to hang my server apron at this place for awhile.

When I walked in I felt at home. I expected someone to yell Norm everytime the door opened. This is my kind of place. There is food there but it is mostly a bar. A really wonderful sports bar.

Anyway, the banker said everything looks good. He will check into some loan options and let me know. As always, fingers crossed people.

So, what did ya all think of my pictures? Fun bunch we are eh?  Scott and Cat's wedding reception was a blast!! It was go, go, go from 8 am on but it was so worth it. In my opinion it turned out perfect.

This coming up weekend is our anual Halloween party. More craziness and with any luck more crazy pictures to follow. You know you all want to party with us. I just might leave Shawn at home this year. My man is being an ass but what's new? So what are we going to be this year you ask? How about Hugh and the girls (as in next door). Now you know you can't wait to see the pictures!!