One Year

*Note: This entry was moved here from another blog. The pictures that originally accompanied this post were not transferable.


Looking back through my old blog I find chunks of my life. Things I am glad that I wrote about. Small snippets in time, memories. There is one thing that I didn't write about that I wish I would have. One memory I don't want to lose. That event happened one year ago today.
At 6:05 pm August 1, 2007 the St. Anthony Falls bridge over 35 W in Minneapolis fell into the river below. 13 people lost their lives. Families were ripped apart and some people's lives will never be the same.
Watching the news coverage this week has really taken me back to that evening that was as normal as any other. We ate dinner, Shawn was still in the kitchen when I turned on the news. Holy shit, come look at this! A bridge collapsed. This can't be right. A bridge collapsed.
We watched in horror. Certain for the first few hours that someone had to have blown one end of the bridge up to make it come down the way it did. They had to have. Bridges don't fall down. They just don't. Oh, but the do.
As the coverage rolled in I saw a white car with a sun roof in the wreckage. It appeared to me to look like Cat's car. She had just bought it. I had no real memory of what it looked like. It was white with a sun roof. I tried to call. Of course there was no signal. Everyone in Minnesota and beyond was trying to reach their loved ones to make sure they were ok. Finally got a text through. She missed seeing the collapse by minutres. She was safe. Pure relief.
The calls came in to our house by the dozens. Not only from Minnesota friends but from people all over. Was Shawn working on the bridge? Is he ok? How do you think this happened?
We watched raw footage of victims being pulled off the bridge and out of the water. One of my most poignant memories of a victim was a large man bloodied, dirty and in obvious pain. Civilians were helping him off the bridge as firefighters, police officers and paramedics just ran past. I remember askking over and over why no one was helping him. Why didn't a paramedic stop and make sure he was ok? I had no idea of the magnatude of this disaster. Not yet anyway. It turns out the victim I was so worried about was a UPS delivery man. The media covered his story a few days later. He was badly injured but would be alright.
Another victim I focused on early in the disaster coverage turned out to be covered by national media for several days after. Hers was the little red car that had a pickup land on top of it. Melissa somebody. She too was fine.
So many others were not and in some ways it is a miracle so many were ok. All the construction workers that rode the bridge down in to the river. Surely nearly all of them perished. Thankfully no. Only one construction worker died. How did that happen?
There are so many memories from that day. The Tastee Bread truck that was burning. That one was especially hard to watch knowing the driver was in the truck, unable to escape. We had lost Scott only a year and a half before. The school bus that I thought had to be empty at first. It wasn't. 60+ kids lived through the horror around them and according to the news, most still aren't ok. I wonder if they ever will be?
Then there were the heroes. Every day people like you and I. Unfortunate enough to be caught up in construction on that fateful day. Men and women who didn't think, just did, to save so many lives that rush hour.
On the one year anniversary the emotions come rushing back. Disbelief, horror, worry, sadness, anger. People say they will never forget 9/11 and that is true. I won't, but I will never forget 8/1 either.
Artemio Trinidad-Mena
Christina Sacorafas
Greg Jolstad was the construction worker that perished that day.
Julia Blackhawk
Patrick Holmes
Paul Eickstadt
Peter Hausmann
Richard Chit died with his Mother Vera Peck
Sadiya Sahal was pregnant. Her 2 year old daughter Hana was also lost.
Scott Sathers
Sherry Engebretsens family appeared on all the news networks asking people to pray for her. Her two daughters made the Dean's list last year.
Vera Peck
As I have been sitting here watching the coverage I had a few more thoughts I wanted to add.
I remember going to a Twins game a few days after the collapse. Everywhere therr was 35 W logos. On the players, in the stands, on the walls. When the game let out we went down to Gold Medal park to take a look at the bridge up close. It was as if time had suspended. The cars were all still there in the same places they landed. In the water and on the bridge. At that point all the bodies hadn't been recovered and I remember the eerie feeling that came over me as I stared into the water and realized their were bodies under there just waiting to be recovered.
I also recall early on calling my boys who were in Wyoming at my brothers and telling them to turn on CNN. They both had so many questions. Hannah was afraid for months after the collapse of driving over bridges.
Also Cat came over that evening when the Twins game let out. It was so nice to have her here and know that she was safe. We watched for hours saying little, what was there to say?

Next stop....The World Series!

A HUGE CONGRATS to the BP Pirates minor league baseball team!! Minor League champions for the 2008 season!!
Way to go Matthew and the rest of the team! I am so proud of you boys!!

Woot woot!!

Woot!

It's bbq days people!! Let the party begin! Woot Woot!

Are we there yet?

3 pounds of sugar, some water and my kitchen floor = 1 pissed off Mom and 3 kids banished to their rooms

76 more days until school starts!

Obama clinches the nomination...

A few observations about the rally here in St. Paul tonight.
Let me make it clear in case there was any doubt. I am not an Obama supporter. I am really torn who to throw my vote behind in November as of this exact moment. Having said that....
Barack could have told his supporters at the rally that he eats kittens every morning for breakfast and the crowd would have roared like it was the most brilliant thing anyone has ever said. What is up with that? Did any one in the building hear what he said? He made a whole big speach about how the black are oppressed, how brilliant Hillary Clinton is (amen!!) and all the things he won't do in office. What about what he will do? For once I would love to hear him go in to depth about what he plans to do. He doesn't plan in being in Iraq for a hundred years. How long does he plan to be there? He plans on universal health care. How? How is he going to fund it? I for one could care less what he isn't going to do. I want more from him than big talk and a roaring crowd. I hope I get that in time to make my decision in November. The way it is looking now I am voting Ron Paul. Is he even still running? Maybe I will just write in Hillary!

The Beauty of Today

*Note: This post was moved from another blog. The pictures that originally accompanied the post were not transferable.







There is beauty everywhere you look if you are open to looking beyond yourself and allowing the beauty to overcome you.
There is beauty in a tree that has just weathered a long cold winter and has exploded like a bomb, leaving small dainty flowers in the aftermath.

There is beauty in two hearts, side by side, touching, as if they were one.

There is beauty in a daisy, so delicate yet so strong.

There is beauty in a new flower bursting open, ready for its shot at life and its moment to bask in the sun.

There is beauty in an old tractor, discarded for the winter, patiently awaiting warm days so it can serve the children with its cool relief and await their delighted squeals of joy.

There is beauty in the lilac bloom so fragrantly sweet and the hand that lovingly cares for them.

There is beauty in an old bench with so much history and sentiment that its owners could never bring themselves to discard of it.

There is beauty in a dog so old and gray. A dog so loved that the mere thought of this old dogs life ending springs forth tears in the eyes of those who love him.

There is beauty in a dandelion that rests against a fence.

There is beauty in the memory of a childhood full of monkey faces.

There is beauty in a bird catching its breakfast and the sweet song it sings as it flies away.

There is beauty in a bugs eye view of a dandelion field as well as crawling on your belly in the warm, sweet smelling grass to get the bugs eye view.

There is beauty in the clear, cloudless blue sky and having nothing more important to do than to daydream about the future, the past and the beauty of today.

One sick puppy

This has been an expensive day to say the least. Ugh.
Sky went to let Clara outside to play with us this morning and came out and said Clara's whole neck was wet and she was shaking really bad. I immediately freaked out and went to check on her. When I got down there she wouldn't even lift her head up. She was shaking but wagging her tail. I coaxed her up off her bed and tried to look at her neck. All I could see was puss so I took her collar off to get a closer look. That's when I was hit by the smell that almost made me pass out. O-M-G! It was horrible.
I tried to get her to go outside with me but she was having none of it. I knew I had to get the crap cleaned off her neck though so I could get a look at it. After what seemed like forever I got her up the stairs and out the door. I tried to spray her off with the hose but she flipped out when the water hit her neck which is odd because she absolutely loves prancing through the sprinkler. I got a bit of it off and looked at her neck which was red and a bit bloody. Scared the poop out of me. I tied calling Shawn a few times to no avail. ARRRRRR!! Why have a cell? Really? I left a panicked message for him to call me back that something was really wrong with his dog. He finally called me back and after a bit I decided to just wait until he got home to look at her before we decided to take her to the vet. She basically laid around and moped the whole day. He got home and looked at her. I said I want to take her in. He agreed which is not normal for him. He never wants to spend the money. Thank goodness he agreed.
The vet looked at her for all of 2 seconds before she diagnosed her. She said Clara has something called a hot spot which double coated dogs get when their fur gets wet and there collar rubs on it causing water to get under the skin and cause infection. The sores were everywhere, they were really big and they all burst. That caused the odor and the 105 degree fever she was sporting. They sedated her, shaved her and cleaned her up. Gave her some antibiotics and pain meds.
Poor little shit has been sleeping since we got her home. She won't even lift her head to look at me, just thumps her tail and nuzzles into me. She is loving all the attention. I can't wait until she is back to normal so I can stop being so panic stricken.
Oh and the cost for this little scare....$300 big ones. 2 days before we leave for Wyoming.

Big freakin’ whine

It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.
I am sooooo sick of Shawn's job. I have lost track of time. I have no earthly idea how long he has been there. 4 weeks? 5 weeks? I can't remember. Way to long. I am really tired of having no adult interaction. I think it's making me crazy. I talk to my cat and my turtle like they are human. I am tired of being quiet and trying to keep the kids quiet. I am sick of cleaning just to go behind the kids and clean again. NO ONE picks up after themselves. Why this is driving me nuts now is because at least Shawn used to keep the kids in line while I cleaned so it wasn't a vicious cycle of cleaning all day long.
I am tired of being a single parent. I am just not cut out for it. I don't know how single parents juggle cleaning, cooking, entertaining kids, homework, and all that jazz alone. PLUS work. Thank goodness I was able to take a leave from one job and quit the other. I couldn't do all this and work too. I give some serious kudos to single parents.
Don't get my wrong I am really appreciative that Shawn is willing to work 12 hours a day, drive for 3 1/2 hours a day, sleep for 7 hours a day and spend an hour with us every day. We are blessed that he is able to have this job but damn it is getting really old.
A few good things though because I always like to be thankful after being so negative. My Mom had her second knee replacement surgery this morning. All went well and when I talked to her tonight she said she wasn't in any pain. Morphine anyone? She is so looking forward to not living her life in constant pain and promised Hannah she would walk her to Uncle Kevin and Aunt Traci's house when we are there in April. She hasn't been able to walk any length for quite some time so this is very exciting for her.
I ordered my new furniture Saturday. A beautiful leather sectional with matching coffee table/ottoman. It should be here in about 3 weeks! Yay!
Oh a bit of sad news, just a bit. I have become sickly addicted to an eagle cam out of Norfolk. The nest looked very promising this year with the female laying 3 eggs. She was chased out of her nest about a week after she laid the third egg by another female. The bitch stole her man too. Of course the eggs are no longer viable and the female has been MIA since Thursday's heated battle for the male. Nature is odd.
That's my whine. I feel better. Thanks.

November?

Is it just me or is anyone else ready for November?
I fancy myself a knowledgeable person. Someone who follows politics if not closely than avidly, but I have had it with all the political talk. Everywhere you turn there it is.
My favorite show "The View" has always had a degree of political talk to it but lately it is insane. Hot topics has always been my favorite part. I love the discussion. Now it is one blow hole spewing her insane thoughts against 3 intelligent mature women who are so frustrated they end up sounding like idiots.
Turn on the news, there it is. Late night talk shows, there it is. E! there it is. My favorite blogs on the www, there it is. Can we get a break?
It is no secret to anyone that I am a die hard democrat. That surprises a lot of people, but hey take a look at the republicans who have been in the office since I have been old enough to pay attention. First we had Bush number 1. Total idiot. Stuck us in a war we shouldn't have been in, made a lot of already rich oil men even richer. Killed the economy. The list goes on. Bush number 2 and I mean number 2 as in ca-ca, crap, shit. We are in the midst of another war we shouldn't be in because his Daddy's friends didn't get rich enough, it is his job to help them out. He has killed our economy. DEAD. We have very few allies left, our dollar is worth next to nothing. The list goes on.
Back to being a democrat. I have had it with them as well. Standing on their pedestal shouting change, change, change. Can they actually do it? Can they get us out of Iraq? Can they turn the economy around? Can they make us a super power again? Can they fix the mess that 8 years of 2 and his flunkies have made?
God I hope so. But can they do it a bit more quietly please?

Redo

I had such high hoped for 2008. It had to be better than last year. Right? Right? Well a whole month in it just doesn't seem to be.
The kids, Shawn and I have been passing around illness after illness. I may just have to buy stock in Lysol. It's seriously insane. Matthew spent the entire week home from school this past week. He has always been so healthy. Germs! Ugh. I still have a lingering cough, now Hannah seems to be coming down with something. I can't wait for spring.
With all this illness and lack of energy I feel like a crappy parent. It's hard to give your all to the kids when you feel like you are barely alive. Then Ed is on a roll again. He had a shitty childhood. My fault. I am tired of feeling guilty about it. I did what I could. He wasn't neglected or abused. He wasn't raised in poverty. He has 2 parents that love him and try their best. I really just can't worry about it anymore. I am tired of having a heartache about it.
My personal life is in the tubes. Really. It is just more than I can handle. I have been on the verge of tears for days. If someone looks at me wrong it's going to be my downfall. I am just a pathetic mess. But enough whining.
I am blessed. I have fabulous kids, terrific, wonderful, amazing, intelligent little beings whom are the source of everything good that has ever happened in my life. I have a husband whom although we have our differences, is amazing. He works hard to take care of all of us and I need to stop noticing the small things and focus on the important things. I have awesome siblings. I mean really awesome. I love them beyond belief, even when we have our differences. I love my parents. I have a lot of great people in my life. Forget about our colds and stuff, we are all healthy. We have enough of the things we need.
Yep, I am blessed. The rest is a bump in the road.

Redo

I had such high hoped for 2008. It had to be better than last year. Right? Right? Well a whole month in it just doesn't seem to be.
The kids, Shawn and I have been passing around illness after illness. I may just have to buy stock in Lysol. It's seriously insane. Matthew spent the entire week home from school this past week. He has always been so healthy. Germs! Ugh. I still have a lingering cough, now Hannah seems to be coming down with something. I can't wait for spring.
With all this illness and lack of energy I feel like a crappy parent. It's hard to give your all to the kids when you feel like you are barely alive. Then Ed is on a roll again. He had a shitty childhood. My fault. I am tired of feeling guilty about it. I did what I could. He wasn't neglected or abused. He wasn't raised in poverty. He has 2 parents that love him and try their best. I really just can't worry about it anymore. I am tired of having a heartache about it.
My personal life is in the tubes. Really. It is just more than I can handle. I have been on the verge of tears for days. If someone looks at me wrong it's going to be my downfall. I am just a pathetic mess. But enough whining.
I am blessed. I have fabulous kids, terrific, wonderful, amazing, intelligent little beings whom are the source of everything good that has ever happened in my life. I have a husband whom although we have our differences, is amazing. He works hard to take care of all of us and I need to stop noticing the small things and focus on the important things. I have awesome siblings. I mean really awesome. I love them beyond belief, even when we have our differences. I love my parents. I have a lot of great people in my life. Forget about our colds and stuff, we are all healthy. We have enough of the things we need.
Yep, I am blessed. The rest is a bump in the road.

A good day!

I had such a good day today! After spending 3 days in bed I finally ventured out. I went to work but had to leave early. I got a call from the school nurse that Skylee was in the nurses office with a fever, sore throat and tummy ache. Poor baby. I picked her up and brought her home so she could lay on the couch and watch toonies.
After I got her settled in I headed off to the gym. Yay! Yay! Yay! I need that So bad and had an awesome workout! I got my 2 miles in and got all my reps in on my machines.
I came home and cleaned house and got Shawn off to work, then ran to the store and came home and made super nachos. Yum.
Seems like a normal day but it felt so good to get back to doing normal things. I really hate being ill. I did have a bit of rain on my day though. I nailed my knee hard on a machine and gave myself a huge knot and ugly bruise on my kneecap. Oh well, I must always have something wrong with me or the world would be unbalanced!
Shawn started his new job last night. I feel so bad for him. 12 hour shifts 7 days a week. Thank goodness it shouldn't be for to long. It sucks all around for him and for me. I'm not used to being a single parent.
That's about it for now. Time to wind down and hit the hay. Cat wants me to blog about why they don't make jeans out of real denim anymore instead of that stretch crap and why bra's don't fit right. So tell me what you think ladies. Why? Give me some material!!
Peace

2008. The year of.............?

So, 2007 was the year of the purse for me. I spent the entire year yearning for and buying every designer purse I laid my eyes on. I can't tell you the exact amount of purses I ended up with because that would mean walking the 3 feet to the closet to count. We will get to the reason I don't want to do that here in a minute. My rough guess is somewhere near 12-15 new designer purses this year. I have made a vow to myself to lay off. I mean who needs that many purses? It has become a running joke around here. Me and my purses. I can spot a fake Coach across a crowded Trader Joe's parking lot.
I have determined 2008 to be the year of the illness. I rang in 2008 on a very mild, fairly sober, sick note. I made it less that 2 weeks before the next round kicked in. Before it was a head cold. Now it is a chest cold. I really want to just lay here in bed (where I have been for 2 solid days) and tell Shawn to wake me up when spring is in the air. I hate winter. I mean I HATE winter. What makes my hate of winter even stronger is being sick during the winter months.
It appears 2008 is also going to be the year of the teeth. I went in for a cleaning and walked out with the knowledge I have 13 cavities. THIRTEEN! It's not like I don't brush and floss everyday. It's just that I have this intense hate of going to the dentist. Which is quite odd because that's what I inspired to do with my life when I headed the few blocks from my house to the college.
That was before I got stuck in the nerve with a needle and lost the ability to become numb in the mouth. Wednesday I endured the agonizing pain of having 2 teeth filled with what felt like being numbed with Anbesol. My dentist finally decided it would be best to send me to a sedation dentistry office. Ya think so? That is what I asked for before we started this horrible dental work. Anyway, I ended up with 2 days of horrible pain to be hit with the mother load of colds. Grrrr!
Can I get a redo on 2008? I mean really! 21 days in and nothing really good has happened. Maybe it's the purse God's way of telling me to keep shopping!

2008. The year of.............?

So, 2007 was the year of the purse for me. I spent the entire year yearning for and buying every designer purse I laid my eyes on. I can't tell you the exact amount of purses I ended up with because that would mean walking the 3 feet to the closet to count. We will get to the reason I don't want to do that here in a minute. My rough guess is somewhere near 12-15 new designer purses this year. I have made a vow to myself to lay off. I mean who needs that many purses? It has become a running joke around here. Me and my purses. I can spot a fake Coach across a crowded Trader Joe's parking lot.
I have determined 2008 to be the year of the illness. I rang in 2008 on a very mild, fairly sober, sick note. I made it less that 2 weeks before the next round kicked in. Before it was a head cold. Now it is a chest cold. I really want to just lay here in bed (where I have been for 2 solid days) and tell Shawn to wake me up when spring is in the air. I hate winter. I mean I HATE winter. What makes my hate of winter even stronger is being sick during the winter months.
It appears 2008 is also going to be the year of the teeth. I went in for a cleaning and walked out with the knowledge I have 13 cavities. THIRTEEN! It's not like I don't brush and floss everyday. It's just that I have this intense hate of going to the dentist. Which is quite odd because that's what I inspired to do with my life when I headed the few blocks from my house to the college.
That was before I got stuck in the nerve with a needle and lost the ability to become numb in the mouth. Wednesday I endured the agonizing pain of having 2 teeth filled with what felt like being numbed with Anbesol. My dentist finally decided it would be best to send me to a sedation dentistry office. Ya think so? That is what I asked for before we started this horrible dental work. Anyway, I ended up with 2 days of horrible pain to be hit with the mother load of colds. Grrrr!
Can I get a redo on 2008? I mean really! 21 days in and nothing really good has happened. Maybe it's the purse God's way of telling me to keep shopping!

Scott died on 1/12/06.
Friday the 13th of 2006 was one of the absolute saddest days of my life. I cannot read what I wrote in the days following his death without choking up, still. I loved Scott immensly. He was one of my best friends. I miss him every day.
Saturday is the 2 year anniversary of Scott's death. Last year I took flowers to the spot where he died. When I am there I can feel him all around me. He is in the wind, the smell of the air, the crunch of my footsteps on the snow. Although I know he is no longer here anymore I hold him a little closer to my heart when I am there, the place he took his last breath. This year I'm not sure if I will be delivering flowers and making my visit. In so many ways it does my heart good to be there, to feel him near me, to speak into the wind all of the things I want to say. But in so many other ways I feel like when I am there no time has passed, my heart still aches. I just want to know when it gets better? Does it?
The very last time I saw Scott alive was a few weeks before his death. I ran into him at the grocery store. I had this fabulous fake diamond on. Massive and incredibly gawdy. Scott grabbed my hand, looked at the ring and exclaimed Shawn must have got a raise. He was joking and we had a huge laugh. I wish I could remember if we hugged when I left the aisle he was in but I don't recall. Anyway, now when ever I am really missing him and need to feel him close to him I put on the ring. Something I know he touched.
To bad I can't just reach in and grab my heart.


wcco.com - Victim Identified In Train-Semi Collision

Where I am now.

You can find me here...myspace.com/MichelleSchwingler

Scott

What a long sad, stressful 4 or 5 days. Thursday evening Shawn was late from work so I sat and watched the news waiting on him to call me back or answer his phone. I had seen there was a train/semi truck collision on one of the roads on his way home. I thought maybe that was the holdup. I started to really panic when at 6 I hadn't heard from him. Finally he called, sweet relief. I told him to drive careful and watch out for traffic when he hit Jordan because of all the rescue vehicles. I briefly told him what had happened. Little did I know that little bit of info I gave him would shake our family to the core and cause unbearable heartache and grief.
He made it home with only a small amount of time to spare before he had to eat and shower so he could be out the door to play poker for the evening. I had planned to go but decided to stay home to watch Earl on TV. That turned out to be a really good decision.
Ed and I were hanging out watching the 10 o'clock news. We were hoping to catch an update on the truck/train story in Jordan. I sent him upstairs for something, I don't even know what anymore. As he was bouncing back down the stairs, item in hand the story came on. I heard them say the 35 year old Jordan man was pronounced dead at the scene. The man has been identified as Scott Fahrenkamp. I could not believe my ears. I screamed oh my god, oh my god and went into hysterics. Ed couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and I couldn't catch my breath to tell him. I just laid my head on the dogs head and sobbed as if my heart were breaking, and in fact, it was.
Scott you see, was Shawn's cousin and one of my closest confidants. He helped me get through so many rough patches in my marriage. When I moved out here and didn't know a soul besides the family. He came into Perkins were I worked and had breakfast with me on my breaks at 3 a.m., I constantly tried to set him up with my girlfriends and spent many a night dancing the night away. Shawn, Me, Scott and whatever girl I had drug along for the night. One of my favorite memories of Scott was last Christmas. My mother in law tends to rub me the wrong way at times. She had that effect last year. I decided I needed to go for a drive. Scott noticed right away that I was gone and called and told me to meet him in the driveway. I pulled up and there was Scott. Big goofy grin on his face. He jumped in, picked up the bottle of champagne I had on the seat from the night before and opened it up. We sat in my truck in the driveway for hours drinking that bottle of Champagne and then moving on to a bottle of wine he found in the back seat. I don't even know what we talked about but he had a way of cheering me up and making me feel silly for being down in the first place. I went back into the house and was determined to not let my mother in law get me down. Scott was great that way.
The toughest thing I have ever had to do to date besides telling my Mom of the loss of my still born son was calling my husband at the bar where he was playing poker and telling him that the news story I had told him about earlier was Scott and that Scott was dead. Somehow I found the words. I felt so bad for Shawn but I know how he is, he's a tough guy and doesn't get to emotional. For the first time ever, I focused on me when someone died instead of trying to remain strong for everyone else and having a nervous breakdown months later.
Thursday night was a sleepless one. I tried to lay down but my memories would get the better of me. I finally dozed off around 4 and woke up to Scott's dad calling at 4:30 to make sure we had been contacted. ( I won't go into how he was notified or why we heard it on the news)
I gave up on sleep after that and crawled out of bed around 6. It was a rush to make flight reservations for my in-laws, contact all the family who hadn't been contacted yet and get my kids off for school. I tried to lay down for a nap around 10 but the ringing phone wouldn't allow it. When I walked into my girlfriends house at noon she point blank told me I looked like hell. You know that is a good friend when you aren't insulted by her telling you how bad you look.
Friday night Shawn's aunt called to give me the funeral arrangement details and tell me what details she knew of the accident. I knew the semi had started on fire. In my fantasy world he was dead or unconscious before the cab started on fire. I would have been fine believing that little fantasy for the rest of my life. What I was told will cause me nightmares for years. 2 passers-by tried to get Scott out of the semi but were over come by intense heat and flames. They could hear him screaming inside of the truck and couldn't get to him. By time the fire department arrived he was gone. He had just filled the truck full of diesel, it took them 4 hours to put the blaze out.When they finally got it out there was next to nothing of him left to identify. They are still looking for dental records on him.
Saturday we picked my in-laws up from the airport and went to the tracks where he was hit. We just didn't understand, how did he not see the train? What we found was a blind crossing. Trees blocking the view of the tracks. He was pushed hundreds of feet down the tracks, over some bushes and up against the fence of a baseball field. The ground was all black and the bushes were burnt. It was heartbreaking.
Yesterday was the wake. We spent 5 hours at the funeral home. My girlfriend Sam went with, she had dated Scott at one point and remained close friends with him until the end. I was so glad she was there. We were a huge support to each other.
Today was the funeral. It was surreal. I was looking at a picture of Scott on the program in his jeans and t-shirt. I swear I could hear him telling me I should be in jeans, why was I crying? I should be laughing and drinking and celebrating him. I know that is what he wanted. Why we did the sad funeral dressed in black is beyond me.We should have had a party. He lived every day like it was his last party. I think I owe him one more. Sometime soon Sam and I will go sit in my truck in the driveway and drink a bottle of wine and laugh about what a character Scott was, maybe then I can let him go. For now he is still down the road and won't return my calls.

On Monday, March 27, 2006 I posted this on another blog of mine....

Okay onto something better. The party for our friend Scott was a blast!! I saw the pictures from his accident and I just wanted to cry. I probably would have had he not been sitting in front of me so full of life. It is amazing he made it out alive by the looks of his truck. I also got to sit and really talk with his fiance. She is such a sweet girl. It's obvious why Scott adores her the way he does. She is just a doll. Her and I are going to meet at the gym tomorrow night. It will be fun to have someone to work out with again since Holly has been to busy for the last few months.
Today 1/8/08 we finally went to the gym together!! That sweet girl I met ended up being my best friend in the entire world. I love her!!
So, yeah going back to the gym. I am sure tomorrow I going to be so sore I won't be able to walk straight. Although there is nothing like a good workout for one's soul.
I'll let you know how my soul is doing tomorrow when I drag myself out of bed!

So I have decided for the new year I am going to try to blog again and actually keep it current. I checked my other blog and it was in the summer when it was last updated. I'm not sure i'll like this forum but we'll see how it goes. I hope to be funny and poetic and have something relevant to say, the thing is, I can put really well written things together in my head and they just don't come out nearly as well versed as I planned them in my head. What you will get here is usually just raw emotion.
Ed caught his plane back to Wyoming this morning. I am going to miss that dude immensly. I hope he decides to move home but it is his choice and he needs to decide what is right for him. I will see him in April and again this summer.
Today wasn't all bad. I went ice fishing for the first time today!! We have owned an ice house for years, I really don't know why I waited so long. Oh wait, yes I do. It's the fear of the ice breaking and sucking the ice house, vehicle and me under in one big swallow. Then burping all it's contents out leaving a frozen, lifeless mass of me and twisted metal in it's wake. I think I could really learn to tolerate it, dare I say, enjoy it if it weren't for that damn fear of being sucked under.
So there you have it. My very first entry here, my very first entry of '08. It would have came much earlier if I hadn't spent the first 5 days of the year sick as a dog. Hopefully the next 360 or so days of the year will be spent germ free.
Happy New Year!!

The End of an Era?

The end of an era? Probably not but it feels like it. Tonight was my last night at the Corral. I am sad that I don't feel sad if that makes sense. It seems I have been there forever. I just really wanted to leave the whole night. It was time to quit! I am going to miss Mary, that's about it.

Hannah made my day when I got home tonight. She said "so you are done? You aren't going back? Yay that means you can spend more time with us!" As she ran into my arms and hugged me. That my friends is the reason I breathe.