From Sissy With Love

Sis,

Today you are taking a sacred vow to love honor and cherish, 'til death do you part. That's a huge step in life.

I am very proud of you little sister. I am very proud you discovered who you are and you never listened to anyone tell you that you were wrong. You stood up for your heart and are doing what you believe is right. I couldn't be more proud of you.

I had planned to give you all sorts of advice today. You don't need it. You have always carved your own path in life and have done a good job for yourself. Wait, I change my mind. I do have some advice. Today, curl your hair, put on some makeup. Look pretty, feel pretty. You are pretty. Oh and wear a dress for the love of God!

I am sad I can't be with you on your wedding day. Please put my picture on a chair like you promised to do and know that I am with you in spirit. I love you sis!

Love,

Sissy

PS. You were so fucking cute when you were a kid!

PPS. At least I have an ass!

Even More PS's. Tell Jessi I said welcome to the family. I love her too!

This Old House

Yesterday was such a great success. Thanks again to Irish for hangin' out on my blog for a day!

Because yesterday was a picture repeat, today I give you two for the price of one!

These were taken this Wednesday. Hubs and I went out with the singular goal of a photo shoot down at the falls. The falls were a dud so we did a drive around to see what I could come up with. This old house sits at the edge of a state park. It is really a lovely property and is very well taken care of. I had pictures of this house taken this past summer when everything is lush and green. Unfortunately that file was lost. I don't know where it went and I looked on all my computers and my removable hard drive. It just vanished into thin air. I guess that gives me the opportunity to take a drive out there and try again if we ever come out the other end of this never ending winter.

In other news The Bean got glasses yesterday. She looks absolutely adorable and maybe Sunday I will post a picture of her cuteness for all to see.

*Click on the pictures!

Max Headroom is in the Hizzow!

Summer to Winter: The Flower and the Web

The Spider did not see the Pheasant, as the Pheasant plucked it from the Flower.
The Pheasant did not see the Hunter, as the Hunter raised his rifle.
The Hunter did not see the cracks in the ice, as they split beneath him.
In the Silence after, the Flower and the Web nodded. They had seen it all.

Only they remain, waiting for Summer and all new things.

This beautiful piece of prose was written by the incredibly talented Irish Gumbo. Like I said yesterday, I am unbelievably honored to have the opportunity to collaborate with him.

So, go! go! go! Tell him how talented he is!

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You

So I have a couple of options here...

A) Pretend I totally meant to promise all of you that I had something huge for you today when really I don't. I just wanted to mind fuck you.

B) Fess up that I have no idea what damn day of the week it is nor do I have any idea that Thursday isn't the day after Tuesday.

I think I will go with option B and throw in an option C that says I have had a huge honor bestowed upon me. The incredibly talented Turkey Sandwhich Guy AKA Irish Gumbo wants to do a collaborative piece with me. Me! I have only been reading his blog for a few weeks but he has quickly shot to the top as one of my favorite blog reads. He is funny and talented and honest and real. Quite frankly I think his writing is genius. It is really an honor to have him look at one of my photos and be inspired enough by it to wax poetic.

So, tomorrow we will both be posting a collaborative piece on our blogs. I am super excited to be given the opportunity to be showcased on his blog! I am even more excited to share his brilliant writing with all of you! So stop by his blog and show him some comment love and come back tomorrow to read his brilliance!

The Plague

I feel like shit. Waaahaaa. I'm hot and cold and hot again. I didn't sleep well. Wah wah wah. I don't feel like writing, at all. I only feel like sleeping. Here is your daily dose of cuteness.

Tune in tomorrow for something BIG! You won't be disappointed. I swear.

An Army of One

This kid right here has caused me a numerous amount of headaches and grief. He has also caused me immeasurable amounts of joy and pride.



Saturday morning he solemnly swore to support and defend the constitution. A promise he has yearned to make since he was a small boy. I really couldn't be any more proud of him.

The boy holding his celebratory cheesecake

The Flower and the Web

This one was taken down in the river bottom while I was waiting for the tow truck.

I love that all these months into winter there are still remnants of a spider web left.

Like always, click for the full effect.

Phatty the Pheasant

Here he is. Phatty the Pheasant. Click on the picture to see the details in his feathers and the beautiful blue color of his head. This guy is the pheasant pimp. I have never seen a more beautiful bird!

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Stupidity is hilarious when you are the stupid one.

During the warm months when I am stressed out, pissed off or just need some alone time I take myself down to the river to think things through. The place is incredibly beautiful. I am a nature girl at heart and to me there is nothing as soothing as watching the water rush over rocks and broken tree limbs. Yesterday all I had in mind was much needed photo therapy.

I drove out of town a bit to get some shots of a beautiful old barn sitting on the outskirts of the woods. I shot some photos, drove out of the woods and circled around to go back and take some more shots from a different angle. Sitting directly in front of the barn on the edge of the road was the most gorgeous pheasant I have ever seen outside of a painting. He was big and fat and almost looked like someones pet. He stood still for a bit and I fired off a few shots before he ran in front on my car and into the bush. He then proceeded to pose for me. I swear it was as if God himself KNEW I needed photo therapy. I got a few fabulous shots that I will post tomorrow.

I rushed home super excited to show Shawn the hunter the shots I took. Much different than the shots he would have taken. I begged him to go back out with me to take some more photos. He asked where I wanted to go and I immediately thought of how beautiful the river bottoms would be. So that's where we went.

This is a very valuable lesson I am going to teach you here dear readers. If you are in Minnesota and it is winter do not, I repeat do not trust the look of snow. If it looks plowed and packed and there are snowmobile tracks everywhere, it is an illusion. You will spend hours stuck in the river bottom without ever breaking your camera out.

Doesn't look very deep does it? The passenger side front wheel was buried

We pushed and rocked. Gained inches and lost feet. I seriously worried at some point that Shawn would either have a heart attack or break a blood vessel in his brain trying to get us pushed out. I thought I would have a stroke trying to figure out why everyone I know actually has to work during the day. Then as if the clouds broke and the sun shone down on me I realized we have Triple A. Duh!

The tow driver gave us tons of shit for even considering to drive down there. Apparently he pulled a 4 wheel drive truck out of there last week. My Saturn didn't stand a chance in hell but at least Shawn and I had a good laugh over how stupid we were to venture down there.

Being hauled up from the river bottoms

All Hail the Internet

Taken after a March snowstorm

I really need to get out today and find something to take photos of. I am reaching far back into the reserves today. I haven't felt very inspired lately but I decided I need to grab my life by the balls and take charge. Today I am going to actively look for photo opportunities even if they are only in my own yard.

Jim from Irregularly Periodic Ruminations mentioned to me today how amazing it is when we connect through blogs by sharing similar experiences. That got me to thinking just how amazing the internet really is. Ten years ago I had barely jumped on the internet band wagon. Twenty years ago I don't even know if I knew there was an internet.

Nearly eight years ago I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. I was scared beyond belief, believing we were done having children I found myself pregnant. Just recently moved to Minnesota I had no family of my own here beyond Shawn and the children. He has family out here but they are scattered everywhere and we really only see them on holidays. For all intents and purposes I was here nearly alone and pregnant. Then if by chance I stumbled upon an AOL hosted message board for pregnant Mothers due in December '01. Those women turned out to be the support system I so desperately needed. I could turn to them with questions and get real life honest advice. I could lean on them if I needed support and I found in them friendships I desperately needed during the time of transition after I uprooted myself and my family from the only home I had ever known and transplanted all of us twelve hours away from where I really wanted to be. I was desperately depressed at that time and I believe those women saved my life.

As in real life friendships grow, change and some die. I have lost touch with many of the women I cherished all those years but there are three of them I could never let go of. Candice, Carolyn, Melissa and I have never met in person but those three are among my closest friends. I don't believe there is anything I couldn't tell any one of them or anything I couldn't ask any one of them for that they wouldn't go out of their way to try and do for me.

Candice had cancer a few years back but she is a fighter and she beat the hell out of it. We have watched Melissa start a home based business and cheered her on every step of the way. We have laughed and cried with Carolyn and her joys and struggles to raise EIGHT children all the while suffering from a life sucking disease.

Fifteen years ago I would have never had the opportunity to "meet" these three women that I can't imagine having in my life. So I agree with Jim. It really is amazing.

No Clever Title Needed

Taken in Wisconsin

Cat says it reminds her of the animal pictures with the big distorted noses

I am generally a huge sharer of things. Maybe I over share. Sometimes I start talking and I just cannot shut up no matter how hard I try to force myself. You want to know what I had for breakfast? No? Well its really fascinating and I'll tell you anyway. I am strange like that. Maybe it comes from being home all day with only one other adult to talk to. Sometimes speaking with him is like speaking with a child anyway so most days he doesn't even count as another adult. So its true that I over share sometimes but most of the time I am a really private person. If I'm not sharing things with you there is a reason. Like I think its none of your business or I don't feel like talking about it at the time. Most of the time I just like my privacy and lately there has been a breach in the security. I feel like any and all privacy I have ever had and always cherished has been stripped away and every facet of my life has been exposed without my permission. Sometimes I feel like I am being pushed into insanity and sometimes I feel like I have already lost my mind. What I know I have lost is my ability to speak freely about whatever I chose to, be it on my blog, in a phone call to my Mother or my friends or just sitting around bullshitting with my husband. I need my privacy people. Any suggestions on how I can get it back?

Shaving the Bush

Skylee showing off the fact she is taller than the neighbors fence

when she stands on the snow drift

Today is the day I and many other Americans and citizens of the world have dreamt of for 8 years. For millions of other Americans it is the day they have spent hundreds of years dreaming of.

Goodbye Mr. Bush. Welcome President Obama.

Chantix Diary

So I am done taking Chantix. What a horrible experience.

I spoke with the pharmacist this morning. She explained that although the side effects I have been experiencing are documented as known side effects they aren't by any means usual. She said the drug is definitely not for me. I need to see my doctor because the side effects I am experiencing may not go away without treatment. In other words the depression and anxiety may linger. That part really pisses me off. I didn't even take this drug an entire week and it may have lasting effects. My conclusion is Chantix is dangerous and should be monitored a bit better.



For the person who suggested I google FDA and Chantix thank you! I found a ton of info that was very useful and very scary. To the person who lost their daughter I am so very sorry. Thank you for sharing her story.



Chris I read Sky your comment for her. She thought it was very cool and ran off to tell her siblings that she got her very own comment! Thanks for that.

For the rest of you, thanks for bearing with me this last week. Hopefully the side effects will soon subside and I will be back to blowing sunshine up all your asses very soon! :)


EDIT: I did a google search on why Chantix was making me itch to make sure it didn't have anything to do with my liver. Here is something interesting I found.
http://forums.about.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?nav=messages&webtag=ab-quitsmoking&tid=57502

Cold Baby

Yesterday I forced myself to try and be a normal Mom again after the Chantix hell week. I went out and played with Sky in the snow. Since it has been so cold here the snow is crumbly and not the kind you make snowmen out of. This is the small amount of snow we found that was suitable to make a snowman, a baby snowman. Sky was very proud of our creation so I wanted to share with all of you.

Chantix Diary Day 6

Thank you to everyone for the advice on yesterday's post. I took my pill last night and felt like hell. I woke up several times in a panic so I made the decision today to not take any more pills until I discuss with my pharmacist the side effects I am experiencing. I decided to speak with him instead of my doctor because I am guessing he will have more knowledge of the drugs ingredients and side effects.
It is true Chantix did help me to cut out at least 15 cigarettes per day but at what cost? One reader said a year later he is still having side effects. I don't want to have to worry about that considering how much it has messed with me in less than a week.
I was a wreck last night when I posted the update and forgot to add the all over itchiness I am having, it isn't just a vague itchiness it is a deep down scratch myself raw itchiness, especially on my face and head. I also neglected to write about the facial ticks, uncontrollable head jerks and the feeling I can only describe as a low voltage amount of electricity running through my brain. Very weird.
So, I am taking a hiatus from Chantix. It may be permanent, maybe not. All I know is that I am convinced if I continue on with it unchecked it will do serious damage.
Today I am still dealing with most of these effects and haven't even had a dose for nearly 24 hours. I sort of feel like I have been thrown into a chemically induced depression. My teenager lost his phone in the bottom of the lake this afternoon. It completely ruined my day and I sobbed for at least 2 hours straight. A week ago I would have told him "Your loss buddy, you still have to pay the bill". So not worth freaking out on myself, my son and my husband about.

Red Rain

This picture was taken in Washington in the middle of November. It was fascinating to me that back here in Minnesota everything was already bare. In Washington it was like I was getting a second fall. Very cool. Click on the picture and look at the awesome rain drop details.

Chantix Diary Day 5

This day has been AWFUL. I may need to break up with Chantix. I cannot live through another day like today or another night like last night.
Let's start with last night. I took my night dose for the first time. Immediately I felt like it was a mistake. Within 15 minutes I felt like complete and total shit. I almost felt like I had taken a pain killer. I had that goofy out of it feeling. I also could not sleep for shit. I took the pill and went to bed at 11 pm. It was 2:30 am the last time I looked at the clock.
This morning I took the pill around 11. By 11:30 I was in the grips of the mother load of anxiety attacks. My heart was racing, I was sweating, stomach cramps, and that general feeling of sheer panic for no reason. It was so bad I almost asked Shawn to take me to urgent care. I literally had to reason with myself and tell myself I wasn't dying and nothing bad was going to happen. That went on for nearly an hour.
I feel like I haven't been thinking clearly for several days now. I constantly feel shaky and full of panic. I would rather quit turkey and do this with a coherent mind than continue to feel the way I am now. Tonight I am not taking the night dose. Tomorrow morning I will take the morning dose and Monday I plan on calling my doctor. This drug is hell.
Oh by the way cigarettes have tasted like ass all day and I think I have had 6 the entire day. I would have been close to a pack in by now. I understand some of the side effects I am having stem from the nicotine being blocked from my body but I have been having problems since day one.
For those who have taken this drug, what are your thoughts?

Wake Me Up This Spring

It seems that the entire country is in a deep freeze. Most blogs I read are bitching about the cold. Although it is 20 degrees here today I am still dreaming of warmer days.

This is one of my favorite photos taken in Wisconsin last summer. I have this one printed and framed. I love all it suggests.

Chantix Diary Day 4

Tonight I start taking the pills in the evening as well as the morning so I will be on the full therapeutic dose. We shall see how it goes from there.
I have noticed a few things I'd like to note here for future reference. If I take the pill closer to noon the side effects don't kick my ass as bad. I was busy this morning and didn't take the pill until 1 pm. I had no ill side effects at all today. No brain fog or stomach ache. I was super crabby but I blame that on my husband who lives to push my buttons and roll the dice to see if he can make it through the day without a butcher knife sticking out of his back.
I also noticed that most of the times I smoked today I felt like I was smoking out of habit and boredom instead of real want or need. If I didn't think about it I could go hours without smoking. I have been really paying attention the last few days to the triggers that make me want to smoke. Number one is whenever Shawn opens his mouth and says something stupid, it instantly sends me running down the stairs to smoke just so I don't beat him to a pulp. Other triggers are eating, talking on the phone, getting in the car after shopping. So, shit I still have to do every day and can't cut out even to get through the next few weeks. Any of you quitters (winners!) have any suggestions for me? Something I can keep in my car, bathroom, office, living room and every where else any of these triggers may occur? What worked for you?

Wisconsin Dreaming

Every August Cat, I and the Misters head to a gorgeous lake in Wisconsin for an end of summer blow out. It is such a beautiful place and our hosts are the most wonderful people I have ever met. I can't tell you any stories because what happens in Wisconsin stays in Wisconsin. I will tell you, whenever Claudia (our hostess) introduces us to her friends as the Rock the Dockers I bow my head sheepishly. We are legendary.