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| Pip in the cone of shame |
I have, what can only be described as, the world’s
worst dog. Luckily for him he is also the world’s most adorable dog. I’ve been
told more than once I should write a book about his misadventures. I’ll settle
on a blog post for now.
I’ve chronicled here how Pip came to be
in our possession, or rather we came to be in his possession because, let’s
face it, he owns us. Ask him, or anyone else who may have made the little
monsters acquaintance, they’ll tell you. He runs the show around these parts.
He barks and these humans do his bidding.
Pip has this obnoxious habit, which I can only assume
he inherits from the terrier blood, of putting whatever he is chewing on at the
time underneath the furniture. When he was a baby it was adorable because he
could fit under the bookshelf or the television stand and retrieve his toy.
Now, he can only bark and dig at my carpet until we’ve finally had enough and
retrieve his toy for him. After two or three or one time of this we’ve had
enough and take his toys away. This leads him to wander off in search of some
other entertainment. That is usually a pair of underwear that he chews and then
hides in his den, errr under my bed. Sometimes he finds less personal things to
chew on and eats the eyes off a stuffed animal a young girl has saved her money
to purchase from the American Girl Doll store or a pair of mittens in the shape
of an animal. That leads me to have several hours of wondering if this will be
the time whatever he ate decides to get caught up in his intestines and cause
us to spend the monthly grocery budget on a trip to the emergency vet.
Pip was becoming a very naughty little boy who had to
spend several hours every day running around the yard peeing on all the trees
and bushes and stray toys so that every other dog who lives in the neighborhood
knew this was his territory. He also had a nasty habit of trying to eat anyone
who dared make the unforgivable mistake of trying to visit any of his people.
It was time for the big snip snip. After a few days of babying the baby he was
back up and running. It didn’t seem to slow him down in the least. He was so
insane still that he broke his cone of shame and had to have it removed a few
days early. He would just smash into the walls or the back of our legs like he
didn’t have the thing on. It was the oddest thing. Our bushes are happy to
report they are urine free but our friends will tell you he still tries to eat
them. I’ve had to resort to arming people with treats when they come in as an
offering to the evil ruler Pippen.
Then there’s the order of the pack thing that I swear
we’ve never had to deal with until now. All these dogs we’ve had over the years
know their place but this one thinks we should know our place. In his world the
leader of the pack as me, I rule the world. He thinks he shares the second spot
with the rest of the family except Bean. He clearly rules her. She walks
through the house and he bites her ankles. She tries to correct him and he snaps
at her. Heaven forbid she tries to take him out to go potty. The few times she
tried I had to go bring him back from the neighbor’s yard. This is a situation
that we have to work on. Obviously the kids is higher up in the pack than the
cat, even the cat gets more respect than Bean does!
All of these things would lead you to ask yourself why
we haven’t sent him packing. I’ll tell you why, I’m afraid he’d find us and
kill us all in our sleep. I kid. I think. Really, he is so cute. That’s what
keeps him alive most days. In the morning he doesn’t want to go out until he’s
had his daily snuggle. He spends a good 15 minutes every morning begging me to
rub his belly and covering my face with sweet doggy kisses. Then there is the
afternoon nap that he must spend on my lap. Whenever I speak to him he cocks
his head to the side in an attempt to tell me he hears me and knows exactly
what I’m saying to him. I could go on and on about what a cutie he is but I don’t
want you getting sick and quite frankly a naughty dog is more fun to read
about. I’ve always been a cat person but there is something about this little
guy that has completely turned my world upside down. I’d take ten more just
like him. I’ll let you know when I plan to get them so you can buy stock in
Victoria’s Secret.
