Confessions of a Desperate Housewife

Scott died on 1/12/06.
Friday the 13th of 2006 was one of the absolute saddest days of my life. I cannot read what I wrote in the days following his death without choking up, still. I loved Scott immensly. He was one of my best friends. I miss him every day.
Saturday is the 2 year anniversary of Scott's death. Last year I took flowers to the spot where he died. When I am there I can feel him all around me. He is in the wind, the smell of the air, the crunch of my footsteps on the snow. Although I know he is no longer here anymore I hold him a little closer to my heart when I am there, the place he took his last breath. This year I'm not sure if I will be delivering flowers and making my visit. In so many ways it does my heart good to be there, to feel him near me, to speak into the wind all of the things I want to say. But in so many other ways I feel like when I am there no time has passed, my heart still aches. I just want to know when it gets better? Does it?
The very last time I saw Scott alive was a few weeks before his death. I ran into him at the grocery store. I had this fabulous fake diamond on. Massive and incredibly gawdy. Scott grabbed my hand, looked at the ring and exclaimed Shawn must have got a raise. He was joking and we had a huge laugh. I wish I could remember if we hugged when I left the aisle he was in but I don't recall. Anyway, now when ever I am really missing him and need to feel him close to him I put on the ring. Something I know he touched.
To bad I can't just reach in and grab my heart.


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