In Celebration of Number 99

This is my 99th post. True it really isn't my 99th post on blogger, I ported my old AOL journal over here and if I ported my myspace blog too I would be way up over 99. For now though this is my 99th post.

I have been thinking about what I could do on this monumental occasion. I could post a picture of myself but I have already done that. I could flash you my boobs but really, almost everyone has seen them already. I could do all sorts of silly attention grabbing hijinks's but I just don't wanna.

Instead I am going to take the time to wish all of you a happy, prosperous, safe and healthy New Year soooooo......

Happy New Year Internet!!

Ok maybe just one little picture. Think of it as my new years gift to all of you. Sorry about the boob thing she just can't help herself.

Server Nightmare

The strangest thing just happened. Strange in the fact that it hasn't happened in quite some time. Nearly a year to be exact. I thought I had escaped them, I thought they were gone. Until today. I had a server nightmare.
I used to have them all the time. Wake up in a cold sweat. Scream. Then a year ago I quit my job and my life as a 16 year career server ended. The nightmares ended. It was sweet relief. No more dreaming about forgetting someones food or having a customer scream at me in front of a restaurant full of people or a number of other nightmareish things a servers exhausted mind can dream up. Until today.
I woke up from my nap and my first thought was "shit, I just had one". I dreamt that I was back at my old haunt. The place had just reopened after being closed. It was present time. The old manager D was back and unfortunately, so was I. In this particular nightmare I was in the weeds because the root beer line was full of air and everyone wanted root beer. I dropped hot food on a little old lady as I passed her. Tried to take a food order from the wrong table and made it to my own table woefully late because whomever took their drink order wouldn't give it to me.
This dream was realistic in the fact the manager made inappropriate comments to me and the other girls and the staff was under skilled and under age.
It was a really odd dream. I wonder what my mind is trying to tell me? If it thinks I am going back to waiting tables then my mind can kiss my ass.

Mexican Food Recipe Help

Every year Shawn and I host the New Years Eve party for our friends. It is a blast to mesh my friends and his friends together because I have to be honest here. Most of our friends totally rock!
Last year I did a taco buffet that rocked so of course I want to do it again this year. Why mess with a good thing?
I am looking for suggestions on what to serve. So far I have hamburger and chicken tacos, 7 layer dip, cream cheese and salsa dip, homemade salsa with chips, and sopapilla's for dessert. Cat has volunteered to bring the guacamole. Yummy!
Internet, I need some more suggestions. Any ideas?

Christmas Eve In Review

I could write a whole bunch about how chaotic and crazy Christmas Eve was but Christmas Day was even more so which resulted with me lying in bed in tears before 9 am. Ugh! The kids all had a fabulous time which is what counts. They all got what they asked for, thank goodness they didn't ask for much. I will fill you all in tomorrow when I have had a bit more time to rest and recover. We just took Ed's sutures out of his arm and now I feel nauseous on top of the tired. More to come tomorrow, for now pictures of Santa Clause cookie decorating and Christmas Eve present opening. Enjoy!

Too bad he has 3 and a half more years before legal drinking age

Nice finger kid
I pointed it out to him today and he laughed and said it wasn't on purpose.
Uh Huh.

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Kid

It's the only thing I asked for...well one of the only things

Standing around being cute is hard work

Cheese

Hiding behind her gift

Second round of sugar cookie decorating for the season

Santa had better like these

No pictures please

Hard at work

Thank you humans

At first when I told Linus his post received a ton of comments he got all shy and hid......





But he quickly got over himself and went right back to doing what he does best, sleeping in his very own Moses basket. He thanks you all, he told me.

I don't intend this to be a photoblog.....I swear!

Three days before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
But a cat and a mouse

So I don't intend this to be a photoblog. I just don't have much to say but I am however a mad photographer. I'm sure no one but Kate will really dig the whole funny cat story so, Kate this is for you!

Weeks ago I bought Linus a wind up mouse. He adamantly refused to even look at it. I would lay it near him, he would run, over and over. Yesterday however, out of the blue he decided the thing must die. He flung it all over the kitchen and carried it around by the tail for nearly 45 minutes. When he decided it was sufficiently dead he cuddled up with it and took a nap. The pictures are backwards in the post. The bottom one was taken first, that was the stalking of the mouse. The first one was taken last, naptime.

Hopefully something mildly interesting happens to me soon, beyond a $5000 estimate from the electrician, so I have something fascinating to say!

Welcome Winter!

On a much brighter note than I have been on....yesterday was the winter solstice which means.....the days will start getting longer! Yay! It may be frigid and nearly unliveable here in Minnesota but the sun will slowly start burning brighter and longer and that puts me in a very good mood. Welcome Miss Winter! I call you Miss Winter instead of Mr. Winter because only a Miss could be so beautiful and such a bitch at the same time.

The shit continues....

I just get cut a break. We were reminded today what a truly small and selfish person my Mother in law is which is always a slap in the face. A bit ago I opened the freezer side on the fridge and was greeted with a 5 pound sugar shower. Shawn had moved the canister of sugar and forgot to move it back away from the edge. After that was cleaned up I decided to head to the chest freezer downstairs to see what I could find for dinner. I unloaded the mounds of shit accumulated on the lid and opened it up for about 5 seconds when I was greeted with the most nasty assed smell ever. I gagged and closed the lid. Weeks ago Ed accidentally unplugged it. Hundreds of dollars worth of food just went to the dumpster. I guess that is how it goes. Runs of threes. Mother in law, sugar, nasty assedness.

Snow!!

Note to self

....flying through the air and landing in a snowbank is cold....

avoid at all costs

Hannah going into the big wipeout

Hannah after wiping out...moments later she was sobbing from the cold

Miss Sky in awe of the wipeout










Matthew post mini wipeout. He later hit the mailbox and still went back for more

Hannah pre-wipe out

Watching Sky take her turn

Should I Rename this Blog?

So I am wondering if maybe I should just change the name of my blog? Or not? Because now I am really desperate. Me thinks this may become an exceptionally old house remodeling blog.
I spent 2 hours over there this morning waiting on an electrician. He never showed. This guy called me! I didn't seek him out. He is a friend of our insurance agent. I guess now I will have to find an electrician on my own. If anyone knows an electrician based south of the Twin Cities metro give me a holler. Holla!
While waiting for Mr. No Show we decided to do some more demo'ing. Lord help me before I kill my Dad. First he decides it would be cleaner to tear down the lathe one piece at a time while removing the nails as he went. Oh hell no, rip the shit down and we'll sweep it up. Yep, that's how it works. I don't have 6 months to demo this house. God willing Shawn will go back to work sometime soon. The sooner we get this house done the better. I am still in the midst of a basement remodel of my own here.
The real kicker of the morning goes something like this....
The house was built in 1930 (hello broken record. How many times will you tell us when the shitty old house was built??) so it is filled with asbestos and lead paint. Shawn and I immediately ditch our clothes and shoes and shower the second we walk in. We cannot bring that shit in our house for our kids to breath in or touch or whatever. I was lolling away in the shower enjoying the steam when I hear clop, clop, clop. Holy fuck! He has his shoes on in my house! Shoes covered with asbestos and lead paint dust. Oh my god, oh my god. Please I am praying dear lord make him take his shoes off. I am standing in the steam of the shower steaming over the fact he has so little regard for my house or my kids that he would wear his shoes on my carpet and his clothes on my couch. I love my dad and I know he is old and quirky but come on! Shawn and I just stripped down in the foyer.
That is just the first half of my day people. I still have a dentist appointment left to go. Is it Friday yet?? I cannot wait to see my Jill and imbibe ourselves with so much wine I have no choice but to forget how much stress I am feeling. Anyone know a good masseuse??

When it rains, it literally rains. (Also see "Oh Shit")

So you know people say God won't give you more than you can handle? I have said that many times myself. Well hello God. I may be at my limit.


Early Friday morning I was drove the kids to school. Stopped briefly to have a conversation with another Mom about where I bought Hannah's Skecher boots and where she could get her daughter some. Hannah had the boots last year. Some people have a good memory. I apparently don't. Turns out I can't remember to turn a heater on.


I decided to stop at my Dad's new house that he just closed on last Wednesday. Check the mail, make sure everything was okay. He is a long haul trucker and all these new chores have fallen on me. Only I suck.


I walked up the sidewalk and noticed the glass on the door had a bunch of condensation on it. I remember wondering why, then I walked in. I am really a ditz. I noticed several boxes were askew on the kitchen floor and wondered if someone had broke in. I stepped back a few steps thinking maybe someone was in the house. That was when it hit me, the thunderous roar of water pouring from the ceiling. Not a drip, drip, drip. A thunderous roar. Enough water to float several boxes full of kitchen appliances across the kitchen floor. I ducked through the water and walked into the living room where there was even more water pouring out of the light fixture in that room. Lovely, just lovely.

Time to back it up a few days, Wednesday Shawn and I went over to the house to put plastic on the windows. Apparently super old houses need that. I am not well versed with super old houses. Obviously. The kids pointed out the ice in the sink and toilet. Oops. I guess in the transfer from seller to buyer no one thought to turn up the heat. So we just did it. Never once thinking frozen pipes burst when heated. Once again, never had to worry about that before. I am just getting a well rounded education.

Ok back to Friday. I immediately ran to my car to get my phone. Fuck! Shawn's phone is dead and going right to voicemail. So, I have to speed home to get Shawn and explain the problem. Did you shut the water off he asks? Do I know how to do that? Seriously? I could do it here at my own house but not at a house recently purchased and built in 1930!

The entire day was just a calamity, really, I swore I had to be on candid camera because shit like this does not happen to people. Seriously. I called the insurance company. Less than 2 hours later the adjuster called back to deny the claim? Huh? Wanna think about it first? In the mean time I had already called a water restoration team out. Thanks for showing up guys but the insurance won't pay you. What do you charge? $3000 for some fans! Are you serious? Really. Where is that camera? Shawn and I decided we would just clean the shit up ourselves. You know, turn up the heat to a billion degrees, turn on the fans, stuff like that. After 8 hours dealing with water we headed home.

Saturday morning a friend met us over there to help remove an antique built in cabinet from the kitchen so we could get the soaked linoleum up before it warped the hard woods underneath that we wanted to restore. Ha ha! You silly girl. Rip up 4 layers of linoleum. The stuff laid in 1930, then 1950, then 1970 then sometime in the 90's. At least they were consistent. New linoleum every 20 years. Underneath all those layers of linoleum was the most rotted out nastiest smelling hard wood floors I have ever seen. Holy shit. So much for restoring those. We got the cabinet out only to discover the walls were so wet they crumbled when you touched them. We spent another 8 hours demolishing the walls, floors and ceiling. Also an entire demolition of the bathroom which was also soaked. So after 16 hours of work all we had was a big mess, a ton of stress on how this would be paid for and sore muscles from all the work. But alas my stress level isn't even close to being maxed out yet.

Saturday night around 11:30 I get a call from Ed's friend Michael's Mom. Ed was goofing off and cut himself, he just passed out in the bathroom and needs stitches. Not exactly what I wanted to hear after the 2 days I had just dealt with. 7 stitches and several hours at the ER later we are on our way out. Did I mention the kid doesn't have insurance. Its a whole other story so add to my stress the cost of an ER visit. Are you feeling it yet?? We aren't even done yet. It gets so much better.

Sunday morning my Dad got to town. I was stressed about his reaction to seeing what we had done to his house. If he was pissed he hid it well but now I have the mother of all sinus infections. Shit! I had planned to spend the entire day making Christmas cookies and candy with the kids. I had to cut out for a several hour long nap to try and rid myself of the headache. My husband stepped in. Sometimes I love that man, sometimes. I think after dealing with my Dad's house and helping the kids with baking and homework this week I may just reward him with that Crash Bandicoot game he wants.

Monday I had a lady parts appointment and sang the praises of YAZ to my doctor. He has no real idea what I would do without my non crazy pills in this situation. I got a flu shot too and did not sing its praises. I curse the flu shot just as it cursed me. I felt so lousy that evening all I could do was lie on the floor in front of the space heater, moan, shiver and whine about how bad I felt but I couldn't give in because the recruiter was coming over so I could sign my sons life away (or the next 6 years) to the Minnesota National Guard. STRESS!! My kid is joining the military. STRESS!!

Today, Tuesday, I heard back a definite no from the insurance company so I had to have a long talk with my Dad about how he planned to pay for this mess he has among a million other things. Calling all the contractors back and thanking them but no sorry we will be doing the work ourselves. I did get in a Christmas shopping trip in today under the disguise of going to Home Depot to price check so my Dad could make a budget. Honey we are so close to the mall, can we please stop there so I can finish Christmas shopping?? Please?? Oh yeah, it worked.

Tonight I had to freak out on my poor family and tell everyone i was locking myself in my office for the whole night so I could work on my Mom's Christmas present. Which I almost lost when the page unexpectedly refreshed causing me to have a major panic attack. I had just worked 2 hours on that project and I don't have 2 more to give. But all was saved, leading me to believe that just maybe my luck is turning around. Maybe God is listening to what I am saying. I am at the end of my rope here.

Jill of the Year

Internet, I am here to tell you why my Jill is the best Jill ever.

If you don't know what a Jill is then by all means please google the phrase "IDK my BFF Jill".

Who else than my Jill would go all the way to Arkansas just to go to a flea market and bring me back the most beautifully carved wooden turtle my eyes have ever seen. (Please ignore the facts here, she went to Arkansas to visit her family and most importantly the ever growing Baby Love.) She more than anyone understands my adoration of all things turtle. While she on vacation I sent her a text telling her that my first and most loved turtle "Blade" had gone missing from the turtle pond I built in my front yard. She didn't even text me back. Immediately she called and listened to me do nothing but sob into the phone. She was in CALIFORNIA on vacation. She has gifted me so many turtle items. A turtle frame to put the picture of my love Blade in, a book all about turtles, a turtle back massager, a turtle air freshener and now the most beautifully carved wooden turtle my eyes have ever seen. Yep, she gets it.

Also, who but my Jill would suffer through cake and ice cream for a 7 year old she isn't even related by blood to? She is honorary aunt so she is related. Not just suffer through the evening but take pictures and smile for them.

For these reasons and a million more I nominate her for Jill of the year. Since I am the one giving out the award I declare her the winner. Now I should make her an actual award....

She has had a really tough go of it the last few months so please drop by her blog, give her some love and congratulate her on her hard earned award.

http://http//zipbagofbones.blogspot.com/

That's My Girl!

Today is Hannah's 7th birthday.
They had a talent show at her school today and she won first prize for singing! The song she sang? Iron Man by Ozzy Osbourne. Yup. That's my girl. I am totally curious as to what the teachers thought when she broke out that little diddy.

That for Which I am Thankful

This weekend totally rocked. Rocked in a way I have needed a weekend to rock for such a long time. This was the weekend of seeing people I love and haven't seen in such a long time. Too long. Anyway, let us start at the beginning.

The drive out to Wyoming Tuesday night was long but wonderful. Somewhere in South Dakota we lost an hour of time because of deer on the road. So many beautiful deer. Along the side of the road was the biggest buck I have ever seen with my own eyes. He was surrounded by harem of equally beautiful does. At least 10 of them. He was the pimp daddy of mule deer.

We arrived around 6 in the morning. Dog ass tired. I had coffee with my sister in law, snuck in several kisses on the forehead of my 17 year old son sleeping on the couch and bullshitted with my brother for a few before collapsing under the weight of my heavy eyelids. Skylee woke us up to let me know it was 12:30. Holy shit! I have to meet my Mom for lunch in 30 minutes. I rolled over and told Shawn it felt like I hadn't even slept yet. Then I jumped out of bed, rushed to the shower and threw my clothes on. Grabbed my keys and looked at the clock. 10:30? Huh? Dammit!! No wonder it felt like I hadn't slept. I hadn't, not for more than 2 hours. Ugh!

I did meet up with my Mom later and had lunch at my second favorite restaurant (my favorite was closed for remodeling), and ran some errands. I also made her incredibly late getting back to work. That is MY job! I ran and picked up my niece and nephew because I cannot wait a second longer to be completely surrounded by all of them. I adore my niece and nephews. They are the only reason I wish I lived closer and the main reason I go home as often as I can to visit. When I got back my brother had called to let Shawn know that his old roommate from when we were first dating was working in town and wanted to come see us!! Funny thing is, we had just discussed where he could be the week before. So, Mark came up and saw us and we all went for free Tom and Jerry's at the bar!

Thursday morning I woke early to help my sister in law get the turkey in. She wasn't up yet. What?? This thing should have been in half an hour ago. I had one of the kids wake her up because I couldn't find the pan to put the turkey in. She gets up and can't find it either. Apparently my brother threw the pan away! We ran to my Mom's. No pan big enough so we headed down to the store. They were out. I was freaking out but we eventually found a pan and got the turkey on about an hour and a half later than it should have been. As soon as I had the turkey in I sat down and wrote out a schedule of what time everything needed to go in the oven and the length of time it would take to cook. My brother added to the bottom of the list "drink beer all day". Turns out that is the only item on the list that was done correctly.

It is close to two, people are showing up and my turkey isn't even close to done. My brother looks at the schedule and says no wonder it isn't done, you didn't put it on the schedule. Ha ha! He gave me shit the entire day about my turkey not being done. Thank god we had a back up turkey and a ham. It was supposed to take the turkey 5 hours to cook, it took 7. We had fresh turkey with dinner.

The turkey coma hit and everyone was down for the count. Their were sleeping bodies everywhere. I woke up to someone poking me in the arm. I open my eyes, blink the sleep out and stretch. Then I scream. OH MY GOODNESS!! DEVINA!! She was one of my very best friends growing up. We had so many wonderful and not so wonderful times together. I haven't seen or heard from her in more than 10 years. She is a family members husband, they told her they were coming and she wanted to tag along. Yay!! We had an awesome time catching up. Here we are......

Thanksgiving day couldn't have been any better if I had planned it out. After the excitement of visiting with Devina my step kids showed up! Yes, there were tears. Huge wonderful tears of happiness. Lots of hugs and exclamations of how happy I was to see them. I had a wonderful heart to heart with my step daughter and let her know when I left I tried to take them for reasons beyond my control I wasn't able. I have dreamed every single day since the day I entered the safe house that one day I would be able to explain to them what happened, how much I loved them and how desperate I was to take them with me. Finally so many years later I was looking at adults and still feeling the motherly love I felt for them when they were children. Maybe someday I will tell the story of how I came to parent these children and how I was forced to stop parenting them. Not today though. Today I want to share with you the kids I love and the babies I could have been a grandma to and feel like an honorary aunt to (I am way to young to be a grammy!). Here we are. There is one girl missing. She wasn't able to make the trip down. I hope to see her next time.

The rest of the weekend was spent visiting with a revolving door of friends and family, drinking a few glasses of wine, eating a ton, shopping, throwing a last minute surprise 7th Birthday party for Hannah that made her cry of happiness and throw herself into my arms exclaiming I am the best mom ever and having one of the best trips home I have had in quite some time. This week is going to be long and stressful. My Dad closes on his house the same day as Hannah turns 7. I have done all the leg work so I have to be at the closing. I also have to make a trip to the Mall of America, the most stressful place on earth, because Shawn started the MOA tradition with Hannah on her second birthday. Our 17 year old also moved back home which is a huge blessing but also a bit stressful, we have to get him registered at school, insured to drive and help him find a job. Thank God I have this weekend to pull strength from.

So, that is the story of my best Thanksgiving ever. Wonderful family. Wonderful friends. Wonderful food. What could be better??

Civil War

This song was written when the first Bush was in office, as the second Bush leaves office the lyrics still ring true.


"What we've got here is failure to communicate.
Some men you just can't reach...So, you get what we had here last week,which is the way he wants it!
Well, he gets it!
N' I don't like it any more than you men." *

Look at your young men fighting
Look at your women crying
Look at your young men dying
The way they've always done before
Look at the hate we're breeding
Look at the fear we're feeding
Look at the lives we're leading
The way we've always done before
My hands are tied
The billions shift from side to side
And the wars go on with brainwashed pride
For the love of God and our human rights
And all these things are swept aside
By bloody hands time can't deny
And are washed away by your genocide
And history hides the lies of our civil wars
D'you wear a black armband
When they shot the man
Who said "Peace could last forever"
And in my first memories
They shot Kennedy
I went numb when I learned to see
So I never fell for Vietnam
We got the wall of D.C. to remind us all
That you can't trust freedom
When it's not in your hands
When everybody's fightin'
For their promised land
And I don't need your civil war
It feeds the rich while it buries the poor
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store
Ain't that fresh
I don't need your civil war
Look at the shoes your filling
Look at the blood we're spilling
Look at the world we're killing
The way we've always done before
Look in the doubt we've wallowed
Look at the leaders we've followed
Look at the lies we've swallowed
And I don't want to hear no more
My hands are tied
For all I've seen has changed my mind
But still the wars go on as the years go by
With no love of God or human rights
'Cause all these dreams are swept aside
By bloody hands of the hypnotized
Who carry the cross of homicide
And history bears the scars of our civil wars
"We practice selective annihilation of mayors
And government officials
For example to create a vacuum
Then we fill that vacuum
As popular war advances
Peace is closer" **
I don't need your civil war
It feeds the rich while it buries the poor
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store
Ain't that fresh
And I don't need your civil war
I don't need your civil war
I don't need your civil war
Your power hungry sellin' soldiers
In a human grocery store
Ain't that fresh
I don't need your civil war
I don't need one more war
I don't need one more war
Whaz so civil 'bout war anyway

Random Ruminations

Are there any dream decipherers out there? I had some odd assed dreams last night and am dying to find out what they mean. When my Jill tells me her dreams I can always guess at what they may mean. My own, no idea.

I dreamt about my turtle tank. I refilled their water but it was too hot. 90 degrees according to the thermometer and no matter what I did I couldn't get the temperature down. I was fearful my precious turtles and their fishy friends would perish but there was no change in their behaviour and they didn't die.
Dream number 2 was odder still. I have dreams of my ex often but this one is odd. I was somewhere. I think a day care center or something that had a water slide. I watched several children fall to the cement below. None were mine and I knew none of them but I couldn't get off this slide. I was to afraid to either go down the slide or go back down the way I went up. When I finally got down I was inside of the day care building. A super old friend of mine came in and said my ex was outside to go out a different door and he wouldn't see me but I looked out the window and there he was. I remember hiding my son and walking out the door to see what he wanted but all I could say is "your hair looks weird". When he and I were together he shaved his head nearly bald, in my dream he had a blonde afro'ish hair due. Then I woke up. What in the hell is up with these dreams? Anyone?

Also, why is it that I spend hours organizing and cleaning my laundry room and ten minutes after I have walked out either the kids dump their laundry basket from their room into the middle of the floor OR Shawn comes in and kicks all my separated piles of laundry into one large pile of unseparated clothing? He then shrugs and says "I didn't know they were separated". Hmmm hello McFly! Did you think the jeans fell into their own pile?

So help me out with my dreams people!! Please!

The Sweetest Things

Hannah and I are sitting here discussing that I am tired and should go to bed. I told her maybe I should lock my door so Skylee doesn't sneak into my room in the middle of the night. She said "that's a good idea, then I won't have to sleep alone tonight". I asked her what she was going to do when she grows up and has to sleep alone. Her response "I will never have to worry about that Mom, I am going to live with you guys my whole life". I said "Oh yeah? What if we don't want you to live with us our whole life?" She got super pouty and whined "You don't want me living with you? I am your baby. You don't want your baby?".
Yeah, she wins. Of course I do. If she could only stay a sweet little girl her whole life!

God Bless Keith Oberman

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/27652443#27652443

This topic is near and dear to my heart. My little sister is gay. It doesn't make her less of a person. I doesn't make her immoral. It doesn't make her a lot of things. What it does is make her heart whole.

I adore my little sister and although I don't care what you call it (marriage, civil commitment) I believe with all my heart she has the human right to love and be committed to whomever she chooses. Just as I have the right. Californians should be ashamed. Americans should be ashamed but first and foremost the human race should be ashamed. Ashamed that instead of educating themselves they hide behind their fears and ignorance. It is time to stand up as a nation. Gay and straight and demand the human rights of everyone no matter their sexual preference.

I tried to embed the video but blogger hates me. Please. Follow the link.

~O~M~G~

I am going to have to sum my trip to Washington up in as few as words as possible. I don't want anyone to cry for me or worse yet die of laughter. I just can't be responsible for the demise of my very few readers. I mean, I need all of you!

Sunday night as I was arriving in the baggage claim area I realized I left my phone on the plane. OH SHIT! Please, please let no one have picked it up. My entire social life is contained in that phone. I wouldn't even be able to call my Mom without it. I have no memory (obviously! Duh!) so I don't know anyone's phone number. Luckily after pleading and offering up my first born (he is a teenager after all, easily disposable) I was able to get the baggage claim clerk to have someone bring my phone down. Sweet relief. I can have friends still. Thank goodness.

Oh wait...I have to tell you all who was on my flight. You are never going to believe it. This dude is AWESOME!! I mean awesome, the rock star of literature. Okay enough suspense. Garrison Keeler! Yep you heard me right! He is such an idol of mine. He kills me several times a week with his column in the paper. I totally had to control myself and not be super stalker fan. So I refrained from following him into first class, sitting on his lap and whispering in his ear "Garrison I love you". That would have been bad. Right??

Oh yeah, on with the story. So we leave the airport and head the hour and forty five minutes to my Dad's house. 15 minutes in I decide I am starved and have to eat. NOW! We whip into Wendy's drive thru. Dad shuts off the truck to order and then tries (tries being the operative word here) to restart the truck. Nothing. 3 fucking AM CST I am stuck in a Wendy's parking lot. It turns out his truck has some security feature and if you try to start it in neutral it locks up for an hour. Great.

2 hours after arriving at my Dad's apartment I have to be up and out the door to go pick my Grandma up for surgery. I am going to admit right here that this moment and one other are the only things that went right on this trip. When my Grandma saw me she burst into tears and kept muttering about how I was only this high when she last saw me and she didn't think she would ever see me on this side again. It was all very sweet. We got her off to her surgery. When we were leaving the hospital I gave her a pair of mittens that I bought at Walmart for 2 for a buck. One would have thought they were made out of gold and woven by the Pope. She oohed and awww'd over those gloves. It was very sweet.

Monday afternoon and evening was a flurry of packing and trailer loading. My Dad is super human pack rat man. Barely anything was packed so we had to work on that plus loading the trailer. Everything I wanted to put in a box had to be first examined and the story behind it told. Sigh. Thank God for my uncle Dick. I couldn't have maintained my sanity without him. He is the most awesome dude I have ever met. I love, love, love him! Did I mention it rained hard and half the state was flooding out? No? Yeah.

I did get to go on Tuesday night and have dinner with my cousin Ross and his wife Brenda. I really wish we would live closer. Ross is super cool and his wife is so funny and witty and beautiful. That dinner is the other highlight of this trip. None others. Understand?

I had planned to be on the road for the trip home by noon. Yeah fucking right. 6 effing 30 we rolled out. I got super sick a few miles out. Nothing good and I can't even relive the memory for you. I think it had to be all the rain and stress.

Thursday when we hit Montana we also hit the shittiest weather ever. Blizzards, blizzards everywhere. Somewhere in Montana we hit a patch of ice, spun the truck around on the freeway a few times and slammed the trailer into the side of the truck. Oh boy that was fun. :Insert big fat eye roll here:

Friday morning on the way into South Dakota we hit another blizzard and a 10-12 car accident. We were the last ones through before they closed the interstate. Finally Friday night after 50 hours and 7 count them 7 hours of sleep since Tuesday night we arrived home. Safe but stressed, tired, bitchy and happy as hell to hug my daughters.

Oh my daughters, I forgot to mention that Tuesday night Shawn called me in a panic and asked if a fever of over 104 was bad. Yes, why? Hannah needs to go to the ER then. OMG! I am half the fucking country away and cannot do A THING about it. Thank God for my Jill. Over and over she reminds me why I love her so much. She and J jumped in her car and braved shitty weather here in Minnesota to go sit with my husband and my daughter just to make me feel better. Hannah told me the next day she was so glad to have Cat with her because it made her feel better to have a girl there. Awwww!

Saturday was a tired cranky day of unloading the trailer all damn day long. Then Sunday I had to drive 8 (I wish I could scream that) hours to Wisconsin and back to deliver my Dad to his new job.

Thank God its a new week. Shawn and I dropped the U-haul off and spent the entire day together. I missed my husband and my kids and my cat and my turtles and my dogs and my fish but most of all I missed my bed.

The end.

That Damn Day

Have you ever had one of those days when it is 9:14 am and nothing is going right?

The filter in the coffee pot slid down, now I am drinking grinds. I love me a good cup of french roast Folgers with a package of french vanilla cappuccino dumped in. Actually it is more than just love. Be very afraid if you have to deal with me on a day I don't have my coffee.

Shawn is laid off and bored so I am being tortured by bad 80's movies. Oops I guess I shouldn't have complained. I am now being tortured by sports center. I don't know how much more of this I can take. 2 weeks of nothing but bad movies, sports center, constant channel flipping. We have DVR with a guide. Use it!! Not to even mention the sheer boredom he is living which causes him to pick at me like he is a 10 year old boy. My schedule is completely thrown off with him home all day which means I haven't gotten anything of substance done in weeks.

I will be on a plane in 12 hours and cannot bring myself to pack. I just can't. Its overwhelming me. I am so afraid I am going to forget something. Or put something in my carry on I'm not supposed to thus having to throw something expensive in the trash. Like my friend Holly ended up doing to a $25 tube of Clinique lip gloss. I am afraid my inhaler may get me in trouble and if I have to throw it away I won't be able to go lest I have an asthma attack and die.

Hopefully there won't be to much of a headache at the airport. I take off, fly and land with no problems, then I can enjoy a week of no husband, no sports center, no stupid movies, Starbucks coffee and my 90 some year old grandparents. Oh and the 1700 mile drive back across the country.