Baking cookies

As I set here typing Ed (14 yo) is helping his 2 little sisters bake cookies in their new Easy Bake oven. How sweet? I remember my older brothers doting on me and doing so many wonderful things like that with me. It makes me really happy that maybe my kids will all have the same bond when they are older that I do with my siblings now.

The holidays have been wonderful so far. Christmas Eve Shawn and I went to the grocery store together. Sometimes the smallest things done together are the best. We picked up all the fixings for Christmas dinner. When we got home our Christmas present had been delivered by fed-ex. We took out a second mortgage and the check had arrived. Yay!

Later that afternoon we met our neighbors for church. I am more of a go to church out of obligation than enjoyment kind of person. Surprisingly I really enjoyed the service. The speaker was phenomenal and I was sad when it ended. I looked over at Holly and she was in tears. He really was good. We came home for some dinner and then headed across the street for some wine.

Hannah and their daughter Keely who i'm sure I have mentioned here before are best friends so the girls exchanged presents. I was surprised when Holly handed me a bag and said she had something for me. I protested about how she shouldn't have, she goes onto say how helpful I was when Talon was born and how thankful she is I watch Keely on Fridays for her and what a good friend I am to her. Which all brought me to tears, moments after I was teasing her about being such a big baby and crying at church. I have no idea how we ended up with such good neighbors but I am glad we did.

I read all of our kids the night before Christmas and then we headed home to open our one present before getting into pajamas and tucked into bed. The kids went to bed so easily after we checked NORAD and saw that Santa was just above us in Canada!! Santa had came and went before 11!!

Christmas day we were up early, very early. The girls squealed with delight after opening every present and Matthew hugged me a million times. Everyone had received what they had asked Santa for and mom and dad didn't do so bad either.

Shawn's little sister Tina came over for Christmas dinner and played with the kids and there new toys. I had to retire for a nap. We ended the day with our traditional drive around town to look at Christmas lights.

It was different to be home this year without a gaggle of family around but it was very nice. Although Shawn won't admit it, he was really happy to have his baby sis here. We also got the news that his brother whom has been missing for at least 4 years was located and is at least alive. We have no additional information and no one plans on contacting him. It's just nice to hear that he is alive!

Merry Christmas everybody!!

I just love the holiday season. All the hustle and bustle and the stress of trying to get it all done. But done it finally is...well almost. I forgot about candy for the stockings.

Last Saturday we had a holiday party for neighbors, friends, co-workers and Shawn's sister. What a great time!! We finally headed to bed at 3:15. I love being able to get together with my friends, feed them 'til they can't move and get them so merry with wine that they don't care to. My wonderful hubby ended up worshiping the porcelain god. Good times lol

Today we are off to the grocery store to buy the roast beast. Then off to church with our neighbors then home again home again for some wine and exchanging presents with all of our kids. I really love our neighbors! We got lucky.

Tonight the 24 hours of the Christmas Story starts!! That is our holiday tradition since Shawn and I have been married. To heck with Jimmy and his Wonderful Life, we'll take a kid in a bunny suit on Christmas any day!!

I want to wish all my friends a very Merry Christmas! I hope you get more than coal in your stockings! :)

 

WTF??

Have you ever had one of those days that shook you to your very core? One that made you evaluate your whole life, one that makes you wonder what's next?? I had that very day today. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am not a crier. Today I am all cried out.

It started as any Friday night at the Corral. I jammed out on my drive to work preparing to have a phenomenal night. Lots of tips and lots of laughs, I walked in and was greeted with an obituary. One of my favorite servers had died before life even began for her. 23 years old and dead. So much potential. I couldn't contain myself. Here come the tears. The other servers stared at me, what was up with me? She worked with us for such a short time and it was so many months ago. Why the water works? Why? Because she was such an amazing young soul with so much potential and do much life inside of her. She definitely lived life to it's fullest. Maybe she knew.

I decided to wipe away my tears and go on with the night. I didn't want to think about all that opportunities missed out on. I wanted to think about all she had lived for. Life goes on for the living.

Come the end of the night our manager called a meeting out of no where. Every single employee was in attendance. She didn't get a word out before her water works started. It seems the owner has decided to get out of the restaurant business, effective December 31. 11 years, 11 years and he is out. We are all out, out of a job. Hello! End to one of the saddest nights I have ever known professionally.

All I want to do is go pray for a life that ended way to soon, an angel in heaven that was really an angel here on earth. She earned her wings before she ever learned to fly, rest in peace Cassie.

This Is My Life, Rated Life: 7.6 Mind: 8.1 Body: 8.2 Spirit: 7.2 Friends/Family: 7.7 Love: 7.3 Finance: 5.2 Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Hannah's birthday pics! :)

Catching up...damn phone

Why is it every time I sit down to catch this thing up the phone starts ringing? Is it the God's trying to tell me I just shouldn't do it??

Update on Matthew's teacher dilemma. I received a letter from her this weekend saying she knew how upset I was and came up with some ideas on how we can be pro active in Matthew's education process. Well, damn it took her long enough. I will now be signing all of his homework so that she knows I know what he is working on and what to help him with. I will also be receiving an email from her letting me know daily if his homework is turned in or not. Miraculously he has started paying more attention in class. I guess the stern talking to helped. I feel so relieved. I was so afraid my 8 year old was going to flunk out of 3rd grade.

Saturday was Hannah's third birthday. I had her little best friend's Mom drop her off here at 8 am for a morning full of surprises. I loaded them up in my truck and started driving. They hadn't a clue where we were going. When we pulled into my work they thought we were just stopping to grab something. Little did they know what was in store for them.

We settled in for some breakfast. When they were done eating they were eager to get on with the surprise for the day. I told them to hang tight for a bit and we would get going. About that time Santa pulled up outside the window in a horse drawn carriage!! It was like a kiddie rock concert. So many little kids jumping up and down screaming!! It was awesome!! Made my grinchie heart grow 3 sizes that day lol. Santa came in and read them stories and sand songs, told jokes and such. Hannah was a bit scared of him but warmed up to him eventually. Then it was picture time. Too cute! We had brought in a sleigh with red velvet seats the night before. The picts were adorable.

We went out for a sleigh ride after that. It was so beautiful I can't describe it and do it the justice it deserves. It was snowing huge beautiful snow flakes and we were being pulled around on the fresh snow by two beautiful white percheron stallions. It was breathtaking. Me and my girls.

Since she didn't have a full blown party we drug the special day out by letting her open a present every few hours. The highlight of the day was the last gift. Her Dora playhouse. She has slept in it every night since then.

That's all I have the patience for now. More later, and picts! :)

Ads....Again

I could have swore a while back AOL came out with this new version that was able to filter spam and block pop-ups with a few easy clicks of the mouse. That worked great for a while. I wonder if they could tell me how to block the pop-ups they allowed in. You know the ones they make millions off of?

Nothing irritates me more than finding something I really want to check out and having some blinky, flashing, neon colored GIF blind me the second I open up the page.

I would love to just say screw you AOL!!

Sitting here staring at a blank screen wondering what to say. I started this journal as a place for me, a place to get the things in my life off my chest. A place to vent, just for me. I wasn't going to let people reading influence what I have to say or cause me to hold back from letting my scream out. Somehow that has happened. I have held back. I went private for a while so I could get what I wanted to vent out and ended up deleting all of those entries before I returned to the public. Tonight I am letting my thoughts out and letting the public read them.

As a few of my close friends know my marriage has been rocky for quite some time. I will take full blame for it. I always want more. More love, more attention, more recognition, more adoration, more patience, more of a love of life. Anyone who knows me in real life (and I sincerely hope one of them read this blog) know that I have a passion for life. I am a grab life by the balls and have a great time at it kind of girl. I love being happy. I love dancing around the house, singing at the top of my lungs to my favorite songs, sharing a bottle of wine and a bunch of laughs with my girlfriends, telling raunchy jokes, catching someone's eye and smiling at them with the hope my smile will make them smile. Happiness is a choice we all make and I consciously chose every day of my life to be happy. I may stray and have a down day but for the most part I am a happy, happy girl. Not today. Today I am letting shit bug me. There are certain things about my husband that I know have really been major things with me for years and every few months over all of these years I try and talk with him about all of the short comings in our marriage and what we should do to go about fixing them. This man loves being miserable as much as I love being happy. I asked him tonight what I can do to help him be happy. He says make me debt free. I voiced my concerns that money is all it would take to make him happy when most men would be truly happy to have a beautiful wife that takes pride in her appearance instead of frumping around in sweats day after day and four fantastic children whom to me are the entire reason for my existence. I was hit with a reply about how conceited I am. ::sigh:: I tried to explain the difference between conceit and self confidence. It completely fell on the deaf ears of a man with no self confidence at all. I blame his mother. I blame her for everything. My husband is a case study in bad parenting. Complete and total lack of involvement on her part has led to a man who's only communication skills are to lash out, accuse me of bitching and flee the room. A man who is more than happy to sit on the couch and watch tv or play cards on the internet while life passes him by. It saddens me deeply. We are two complete extremes, the person with a zest for life and all it has to offer and the person who will wish on there death bed that they had lived. How does one make a marriage work like that and how do I help enable him to be happy?

Buncha Nothing

Today is just a blah, blah, blah day. Not much to write about but I feel compelled to make an entry. I hate letting this thing sit to long.

I went to parent teacher conferences last night for the middle two. Sky's teacher blurted out Skylee doesn't wear underwear sometimes. WTF?? She wears underwear, she is just so damn skinny that her pants won't stay up and her little butt crack shows sometimes. Sooooo, I can put pants on her that fit her waist and are 8 inches to short or they can fit the length and be to big around the waste. A belt doesn't work. What to do?

After that embarrassing conversation we went to Matt's class. The teacher got with us about 10 minutes late, leaving 5 minutes for our conference. She hands me his report card that is absolutely horrid in all subjects she teaches and great in all the ones she doesn't. She asks me if I have any problems with the report card and acted shocked when I said yes the whole thing. I tried several times to cut into her rambling with a question. None were ever answered. Just danced around. I asked point blank what I could do to help him and was given an explanation about how he doesn't ask questions in class. What would be the point of asking one when she obviously does not know how to answer one. I finally just cut her off and said look, this report card is not Matthew, I am frankly stunned with what I am seeing, not to mention that I never received any call saying she had so many concerns. I proceeded to tell her how he has pulled straight A's since kindergarten and I wanted him to get the help he needed before the end of the year, her reply was oh really, his former teacher has told me what a problem child he is and that he has trouble listening. I said hmmm, no one but you has ever mentioned a thing about any of this. She said Mrs. Schmitz specifically told me these things. This is when she about got to see my full fury. I said Matthew has never been taught by a Mrs. Schmitz. His teacher last year was Mrs. E. She promptly said well our time here is up if you ever have questions or concerns feel free to drop in or give me a call. Grrrrr. I want to drop something but it isn't in. It was an absolutely humiliating night for me that left me feeling sub par as a parent to say the least. I came home and sobbed into my pillow for a bit, wiped the tears away and came out to play Mom. Ya know, my kids may not be the best listeners(?), or be too skinny with too long legs but they are mine and as long as they grow up with love in there hearts, morals, and a decent education than I have done the job I set out to do the day I discovered they were tiny beans in my belly.

Ya know when I watch Malcom in the Middle it reminds me of my family just replace Malcom and Dewey with girls and you have my life lol.

 

Onto other news, Thanksgiving is just a few days away. I was a flurry of activity all day. Last minute preparation. All I really accomplished was getting the hallway painted which should have been done months ago when the rest of the house was done. Tomorrow will be the deep cleaning (with all 4 kids home from school) and all the food preparation that can be done before the big day. Topped off by a trip to the gym since I haven't been there since last Monday. ::sigh:: Why do I do this to myself? Why do I insist on hosting thanksgiving for the whole family including adult cousins? Either I am a glutton for punishment or I secretly get a rush from cramming so much cleaning and cooking into a two day period.

We interupt this regularly scheduled journal to bring you this cheezy ad banner

The whole world has gone mad. The j-land world that is. Seems those pesky ads AOL has added at the top of the journal has seriously pissed some people off. I guess I really don't have an opinion.

I understand why everyone is up in arms but I also understand why they are there. Being worth billions isn't enough for AOL Time Warner they want to be worth quadrillions. I am curious if it would make a difference for them to lose thousands of members. Would they just make up for the loss of customers with the revenue of all those ads?

When the message boards started changing over several people were up in arms, threatening to leave AOL. I thought yeah right, a bunch of blow holes. Oh hell was I wrong. One board I have read for years and even was a message board host for went from a booming board of thousands of posts a week to less than one hundred a week. Now people are threatening to leave AOL because of a banner across the top of their journal. I hope they leave, I hope AOL loses so many customers that they have to go completely free because no one will pay for there so called services anymore. I just hope before everyone leaves they leave a link to their new journal in their old one so I can keep up with everyone's lives.

 

PS Happy 1st Birthday Loreli

Organization??

It's no secret that I am a Mom of several children. I have been parenting for quite a stretch of time. 14 + years now. In those 14 + years I have had a hand in rearing 7 children. How the hell I have done it is beyond me. My problem? Organization. I have no idea how to organize the things in this house of many rugrats. It has become my achilles heal so to speak.

The disorganization in this house has drove me beyond batty. The very expensive haven we had built into our master suite for bathing and relaxing has turned into my worst nightmare. Nothing very relaxing about it. I have a penchant for reading in there. I read everything I can get my hands on. Therefore it is covered ceiling to wall with reading material. What the heck do Ii do with all of the pages I must peruse? I have a magazine rack. It is filled to overflowing.

My laundry room needs a good washing. I wish I could throw the whole thing into the washing machine and have it come out clean and organized. Will that ever happen? Probably not. I have a wonderful book shelf in the room meant to hold lovely containers for winter hats, scarves and mittens. All summer long it is full and works well. Come winter it is empty and there isn't a stocking cap to be found. There must be a very well dressed snowman somewhere in the neighborhood. I started a sock box for all the strays that aren't matched during laundry folding day. Thing is I started skipping the matching part and started throwing them all straight into the box. I figured I could just match them all later. Sock folding has now become a 2 hour event once a month when the kids scream their toes are frozen and the teacher insists they must wear socks in gym. The storing of the clothes that do get folded is my next area of insanity. I fold them all stack them on the hockey table that has taken residence in the laundry room and holler for the kids to come get them and put them away. They actually get put away half the time. The other half of the time they stay put on that table until I get irritated and haul them all up the stairs to tuck them neatly into the dressers they belong in, that is until I walk into the room the dresser lives in and find the clothes I just washed yesterday thrown all over the floor while the owner of said clothes was looking for the perfect shirt to wear with the coolest pair of jeans they own. Grrrrr. I have begged Shawn numerous times to please haul all of the dressers down to the laundry room so I could put the clothes away myself and monitor all activity going on in the drawers of the dressers. Yet, the dressers are still in the rooms. I'm not sure if it's because he hates my idea or is afraid to wade through the clothes tsunami in the rooms to get the dressers out for me.

I cannot even go into what my kitchen cupboards look like inside or what to do with the 3 junk drawers I have, the closets that must have missing children lost inside of their depths or the toys and such that live under the couch.

How in the world do I even begin to organize this house??

October!!

Here it is November 7th. One week into November and I didn't posted anything at all in October. What a busy month it was.

Sky turned 6 on October 3rd. She had her first real birthday party with friends rather than just neighbors and family. What a great time she had! She is growing up so quickly. I know...all Mom's say that.

October is also the height of apple season for us at work. I busted my ass for an entire month, can't complain though, I make more money in one month of apple season than I do all summer. What did I do with all that money you ask? I did what any red blooded girl would. I shopped!! I love to shop. Now that November is here and all has slowed down at work I am taking some much needed time off. Just in time to hit it hard again in December for all of the Christmas parties. Or should I call them holiday parties? Still on the work subject, I have begged and pleaded to train to bartend, I know how to bartend, I did so in my previous life (before hubby).  I just really need a change. I have been serving for 12 years now. I love it, I consider myself a career server. I am great at my job and make more money doing it than most people would even realize. It's just time to shake it up a bit.

I joined the gym in October too. I am loving it. Good-bye flabby ass hello nice, firm, hard ass. Yay!! I get a whole lot of you don't need the gym you look great. I'm sure I do but I grew up a skinny girl, many thought I was anorexic. Now that I am 15 lbs over my norm I feel flabby and am determined to get back down to where I want to be. I also tan every time I go to the gym...I want to be a tanned hard ass. Am I vain??

Now for the grand finale of October....THE HALLOWEEN PARTY!!! It is the party to end all parties, it is when everyone in our cul-de-sac lets down their hair and gets wild and crazy. Truly desperate housewives gone wild. I love this party. It takes months to plan it, days to set up for it and hours to get so trashed all you make it through is 3-4 hours but those are the funnest 3-4 hours of the whole year. Ok maybe not the funnest (I kept my shirt on the whole night) but pretty darn close. Shawn was a flasher, what a riot!! I made him a huge schlong out of nylons with massive balls. Great fun. He had more housewives lips around his Johnson than he ever has in his life, too bad for him it was the fake Johnson, not the real one. I was a cute little vampirette. Next year I am going as an angel. One of these years I have to be good. 

As for actual Halloween, I spent the afternoon volunteering in Sky's class. I love that stuff. The kids all know me and seem to really like me. Skylee dressed up as snow white, Hannah as Hello Kitty and Matthew as a punk rocker (I'll tell you a story about green hair dye later). It was a wonderfully warm evening. I dropped Daddy and the little munchkins off 6 blocks away and came home to make the traditional chicken noodle soup and pass out candy. We had the most trick-or-treaters this year than ever before. 

Fun, fun fun :) 

Catching up

I am so far behind here. It's time to catch up.

Shawn and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary on August 26th. We had a nice dinner together at Olive Garden. Came home and had a few drinks and played poker. He lost!! He was nakie and all I had lost was a sock. Saturday we dropped the kids off at his Aunt and Uncle's and headed to the state fair. We had a GREAT time. Ate until my stomach hurt then went over to watch the 6 p.m. news being shot live. Shawn ended up on TV. How cool is that?? We went out with our neighbors that night and had the time of our lives. Sunday we went to the family reunion. Even that wasn't so bad. All in all a really great time together.

The kids started school Monday, well at least the boys did. I went and picked up the paper on Wednesday to find my youngest son on the front page. My guys were local celebrities that week lol. Sky started kindergarten Wednesday and had a fabulous time. She didn't cry or cling at all. Just said bye Mom and shooed me out of the classroom. My girl is so grown up! Hannah started preschool on Friday. Whew! They are all in school and I have Friday afternoons to myself!

By time Saturday rolled around I needed a a drink and some time to myself. Off to the neighbors I went. We were supposed to be celebrating Duanne's (another neighbor) last chemo treatment but he never showed up. Oh well a good time was had anyway. Here is the group shot minus Nathan who took the picture. Shawn is front left and I am back right in the hat.

                            

This weekend I needed a break. I stayed home after I got off work and had no drinks. It was odd lol.

I did volunteer at Sky's school Friday afternoon. I really enjoy hanging out and getting to know all of the kids. I think she enjoyed having me around as well.

Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of the saddest day in America since I have been born. I caught all the documentaries I could. I think we should all take the time to remember that horrible Tuesday morning that changed all of our lives.

I promise to keep this thing up more now that the kids are back in school and we are back into a routine.

Angry

With all that is going on in New Orleans I am scared and angry. I am angry with our government. I am angry with God. How could the richest nation in the world not do more? How could God let people suffer so?

I watch president Bush on TV with his smug little grin talking about what he is going to do to help. It pisses me off. What does he have to smile about? People are shooting at each other, people are dying. Babies have no formula, people have no food or water. Does he think that is a reason to grin?

It scares me to know that our government is more worried about looking good to other countries than helping it's citizens. We can send billions of dollars to other countries but we can't organize buses fast enough to save people's lives? I am embarrassed for our country right now.

Bush is calling on his Dad and former president Clinton to rally for money like they did during the tsunami. Money isn't the problem, people are giving. What we need is organization.

I am angry. Our president disgusts me.

http://notbush.com

Meth

I watched a documentary on A&E about Meth tonight. It shook me to my very core. Me ex was a meth abuser. We had our house raided by DCI and he went to jail for 3 months for what was found. I still can't decide if I was supportive or stupid during that time. Whatever the reason I stuck around. Things were going well (or so I thought) until 3 months before our wedding I found out he was still using heavily and was molesting a member of my family. The rug was pulled out from under me, my life was in shambles and I had no idea how I was going to make it through, but make it through I did.

He went to prison for indecent liberties with a minor and revocation of probabtion. He was there for 5 years. I have never heard from him personally since he was released but I heard from some of his friends that he is still using and hanging out with a worse crowd than he was before he went to jail. I feel bad for him, he was a nice guy with a ton of potential. Now he is just another victim of meth. I pray that he gets clean and gets his life together. He is missing out on so much in life. He has grandchildren now that he has no contact with as well as no contact with his children.

Meth is bad news that has this country by the balls. It is cheap, easily obtained and is one hell of a high. That high isn't worth all that it costs. I am glad I never got seriously sucked in. I did a line every now and then and partied like a wild child but eventually every child has to grow up and move on. I am thankful I realized this, I only wish he would have as well.

 

24 Hours

What an interesting and thouroughly frustrating 24 hours it has been.

I had a fairly uneventful night at work last night. For those who don't know I am a career server lol. Decided to get my drink on and eventually my groove on with hubby last night when I got home. We invited the neighbors over for a fire on the deck and a few drinks. I always love drinking with the neighbors. They are a total blast!! We partied until about 1 am and decided to head in for a little love lol. There is nothing quite like playing Go Fish for sexual favors he he! Plus after I give it up I get to sleep in the next morning. What more could a girl ask for??

I had to work tonight and that is where the frustration comes in. I'm not sure if I actually go to work or just to an older version of high school. Drama, drama! Our manager is boning the hostess which has caused drama major. Add to that our kitchen staff forgot how to cook tonight causing major food delay's and some seriously pissed off servers and guests. One girl had $400 in sales and made $17. 17 Bucks!! WTF??

I am really quite frustrated with the chefs at our 4 star restaurant. I think we should change it to 4 polka dots and call them clowns. If anyone wants to see the web site for where I work LMK. I'd be more than happy to share.

::sigh:: What a night.

 

                          

 

Cable TV shows

Is anyone watching Being Bobby Brown?

He is a riot, rather immature and too eager to make his wife happy but a riot nonetheless. Whitney on the other hand is a fruitloop. What happened to that beautiful woman with the amazing body and soulful voice? She is rude, crude and obnoxious. I feel sorry for their kids. Their parents aren't very good role models.

Is anyone watching Over There on FX? It has to be the best newshow on television in ages. I get all settled in to watch it and in what seems like 5 minutes it is over. Enthralling show to say the least. If you haven't watched it try and tune in Wednesday nights.

Nip/Tuck is back in a few weeks!! Whooohooo!! I can hardly wait!!

Sex!!

This is my first entry so I should share a bit about me before I get to the meat and bones of my entry.

I have 4 children ages 14, 8, 5 and 3. This entry is going to be about my 14 year old son.

He (14 yo) is experiencing his first serious relationship. Him and my husband and very open with each other and he mentioned to my husband about making out with his girlfriend. ::gasp:: I decided it was time for hubby to have the sex talk with him. He explained about condoms and STD's. Hubby made it very clear that we aren't giving permission for him to have sex just that we wanted him to be well informed about everything.

Tonight he was on the phone with his girl and as they were hanging up my son tells her "love you too"!! I am so not prepared for this. He is only 14 for heavens sake. Then I remember what I was up to when I was 14 and I get scared. He is still a baby to me. Yep! He is still a baby.