Sad

So, when times get hard for me and I have personaly struggles I do what I do best. Sit down on the keyboard and start pounding. I try to get everything out that I am feeling inside but often the words do come as easily as they do in my mind.

Yesterday my good friend Jeremy's grandmother was removed from life support. Today my good friend Scott's grandmother died, also today in roughly an hour my family and those I love will be gathering more than 700 miles away to pay their final respects to my Uncle who died Monday.

Thereis more death than I can wrap my mind around this week. I'd like to say my heart has gone numb and is just rolling with the punches but it hasn't. It just keeps hurting more with the news of each death.

I fear my grandfather will be next. He is having a hard time with my uncles death and he is 89 years old. It will take more than the time of year and a blizzard to keep me away if that is the case.

I don't have the time or energy to edit this entry. What you get are my raw emotions and my bad typing skills. I have to go to work, this is going to be a long night. Please pray for Jeremy, Scott and my entire family. My aunt is mourning the death of her second husband, my cousins are mourning the death of their second Dad. Life is so damn unfair.

Yesterday my baby turned 5!

 

It was such a sad thing for me. She is the baby and will stay that way. As long as she was under 5 she was still a preschooler and could be a baby. Now she is officially grade school age and has passed the baby stage. ::sigh::

 

She really did have a good birthday though. We took her to the Mall of America to see the largest gingerbread house in the world. It was really cool. We did some shopping and ended the outing with a trip to Lego Land. Very cool! She has Keely and Patrick come over for ice cream cake and presents. Keely stayed and helped us decorate our tree. She has a great day!

 

Tomorrow Matthew is going to listen to Heidi Piper speak at a school in St. Paul. She is the astronaut from Minnesota that was on the last space mission. I think it is so exciting! He is going with a group that he is in. They should have a good time.

 

Ed got his ass grounded yesterday. I didn't understand teens when I was one and I don't understand them now. I still have 3 more to go through once I have him done. That really sucks. I love babies but I'm not so fond of teenagers.

 

I have to meet with yet another contractor some time this week. The one I met with on Thursday decided the job was just to big for him. I really wish this would all be done and I would be rockin' in my new joint.

WTF is wrong with people??

I am a lot Pms'ie...you have been warned.

What in the hell is wrong with people?? Seriously!

 

I got up this morning with the intention of heading out to have my manicure touched up. On my way out of our little cul-de-sac I ran across crap scattered everywhere. Seems the guy at the end of the block hired some company to reshingle his roof and they decided to do it with the temp hovering at 20 degrees with the wind chills well below zero.

Nothing pisses me off more than garbage blowing around in our neighborhood (okay some things piss me off but this is at the top of the list). So, I stopped and asked the guys if they were planning to clean all the crap up. The ones shrugs and looks at me like no habla english. Dumb ass. I repeat it a bit louder so maybe the guys, oh say, on the roof can hear me. No answer so I say you had better get this stuff cleaned up it's all over the yards. What is the stuff you ask? It's shingles and tar paper. Who I ask again redoes their roof when the wind chill is below zero?

 

So I had on over to the nail salon. I walk in and Julie my regular nail tech goes and gets some other girl and heads off. SHIT!! It's her lunch break. Great timing dumb ass. Me I mean, not her.

I think this isn't good but it can't be that bad I mean Julie is the best and she hired her right? Wrong!

I tell her they need to be shorter she takes next to nothing off and tells me I don't want them shorter. Then she overlays them so fat I had a half inch thick nail. I tell her thin, I like them thin, she shaves practically nothing off off and tells me it's good.

I am thinking at this point I will just let her finish ask her not to paint them and head to a different salon to have them fixed. I mean obviously she doesn't want to do them the way I want, but then I think the hell if I will pay her to do my nails wrong then pay someone else to fix them so I tell her they are wrong. By this time Julie senses something is up and comes over and tells her how to do them. Julie my saving grace. She gets them almost thin enough and then says oh you like them thin. No shit Sherlock. That's what I told you 3 times!

So she gets them painted and tells me they are dry enough to go., I say I don't think so they still feel tacky. She tells me no, they are dry you go now. So I did and promptly fudged them all up because guess what! They weren't dry!

Next time it isJulie or nobody and guess how long this little excersion took for me to waste my money? An hour, a freakin hour. It takes Julie 20 minutes start to finish with drying time. ::sigh::

 

On my way home I pull into the cul-de-sac and all of the crap is picked up! I doubt it would have been though had I not bitched.

A few hours later I had to run over and buy some female products, on my way out the yards were covered with shit again. I give up! Tomorrow I will just call in a littering complaint. Dumb freaking people who can't speak english.

 

I won't even bore you with the details of the jack ass who rolled through the stop sign so they could pull out RIGHT in front of me and go a max speed of 10MPH. Or the $50 power cord I bought for my laptop and it still doesn't work.

 

This was just a shitty day and I need a glass of wine which I can't have because I have an early morning meeting and if I have wine tonight I won't want to function in the morning. Oh hell, pass me the merlot!

I gotta babble before I burst.

 

Funny how I have spent so much time running from my past. Trying to escape all the demons, to move on and outgrow that girl I used to be. Running ahead, or so I thought and then slamming firmly into the past I tried to escape. Getting hit with a 2 ton...heavy thing.

I have become a myspace junkie and did some searching of my old high school. Looking to see where the people from my past ended up. How are they all, where are they all? Did I do better for myself than they did? I had such a shady past and so much to prove that I wanted to be out there and show them. I ended up finding an ex, a long time friend as a matter of fact. One of the people who knew me when. I caught up with him and realized although I have changed some things never do. Namely him.

I then found my childhood best friend. She grew up exactly how I knew she would. Beautiful. Everything about her is beautiful. Thinking about her takes me back to a good place, a peaceful place before I set out on my path of self destruction. Finding her led to another childhood friend finding me. Hello past! He is doing so much better for himself than what he could have done and I am proud of him. I really hope he finds somebody to give him back the love he has to give.

 

Things are looking up on the restaurant front. I found a contractor tonight that I am meeting with at the restaurant on Thursday. Hopefully this works. I really like him. I just hope I can trust him with a large amount of my cash. (Or the banks to be exact.) I have some things to finish up but I am hoping I am going in the right direction. I never imagined chasing my dream would be so stressful. I just hope it all pays off in the end and I have the amount of business the current owner does. I also hope my marriage doesn't fall apart because I will never see my husband again. Hopefully the kids don't start calling the cat Mommy. They will definitely be seeing the cat more than they see me.

 

Hannah Belle is turning 5 on Sunday. 5!! Who said my baby girl could turn 5 already? What I wouldn't give to rock that sweet little thing and have her look up at me with those big dark eyes. It all goes so fast.

 

Tonight Skylee wasn't cooperating with Hannah's room cleaning plans and she walked up and told Sky that if she didn't get up and help her right now that she was going to tell all of her friends that she doesn't wear underwear to bed. Where does she get this stuff?? Of course Skylee wears unders to bed. My girls!!

 

That's enough babbling for now. I am completely exhausted and was already in bed until my baby sis called.

 

Peace out all,

Chelle

The offer has been accepted. 2 months to get everything done before closing. Now the fun begins...

Okay so we heard back. The terms changed some. I am not impressed but I can live with them. My banker says they look good. Now I have to convince my husband and he can be a hard sell. His initial reaction will be no. Then I will whine and drop so many numbers on him he will feel as if his head will explode. Then I am hoping he will agree just to shut me up. Am I coniving or what??

You have no idea...

In roughly an hour we will know. We will know what the sellers terms are. I could barf. My nerves are on edge. I want to scream. How do you turn time forward?? Everyone wants to turn time back. In one hour my life will hopefully take a change for the better. ::crossing fingers::

All we are saying is give peace a chance

I was driving Skylee to dance this afternoon and came across 2 women standing on the side of the rode displaying several signs. 2,387 dead. Out of Iraq now. Honk for peace. So I honked, not only did I honk I layed on the horn and gave them the thumbs up sign. In my mind I am still laying on the horn.

Peace...

I am feeling so stressed out and overwhelmed right now. I have a headache that won't subside. I tried the surefire pamprin, chocolate and pepsi and it just didn't work. This is beyond busting I think.

We wrote an offer up last night and it was sent to the sellers broker today. They have to either accept, decline or counter by Wednesday. I can't wait until Wednesday. I am going to have a breakdown. I am anxious, excited and scared all rolled into one.

I feel bad that we are pulling out of Shawn's inheritance early. My MIL is being sucked dry right now. I guess everyone thinks they are entitled to something from her all of the sudden. She has been supporting my SIL for almost a year, Shawn's step sister and brother have racked up debts they can't cover so they are sucking her dry as well. His step brothers ex wife thinks she is entitled to something as well so she has been getting hers too. MIL is happy to give us the money because we are trying to do something to better ourselves with it but I still feel bad. We are paying back what we take out.

I feel so anxious with the waiting. I am not a patient person and I can't handle being told no. I have a feeling my pouty face and feet stomping won't work on these people like it does my husband. I am so screwed.

So, that is where I am at. Stressed. I have a hard time letting my future be in someone else's hands. They have no idea they hold my childhood dream in the palm of their hands.

 

Halloween ramble

The munchkins are out trick or treating with their Dad. So I am here watching old reruns of the Simpsons. Not just any Simpsons reruns but the Tree House of Terror reruns. They are the best and I wait all year to get my fill of them!

So I am sitting here trying with all of might  not to tuck into the bowl of candy waiting in the foyer for all the little ghosts and goblins. I am either PMS'ing or stress'ing but I cannot sate my appetite for sweets this week. I crave anything baked and chocolate. If that won't do I will devour an entire bag of starburts, when that doesn't work I dig into a loaf of banana bread. I have a feeling I am going to OD on snickers bar and wind up in the ER getting my stomach pumped.

This is what Minnesota kids look like when they head out to beg candy from strangers.

 

Hannah and her best friend Keely this morning at school

My little man Talen

A little side note: The vest little man has on was Ed's when he was a baby, 15 years ago.

Speaking of Ed. I gave him a list of rules before he headed out tonight. They included no throwing TP, tomatoes, or eggs. No smashing pumpkins or stealing candy. He sais okay I won't get caught. Boys!! Here is a picture of the stud man who proved last night that he can take his Mom down and give her a wet willy. Why can't he still be a sweet little dude?

Okay, That is enough. I have been super chatty today.

Michelle :)

I heard from the banker this afternoon. They are still thinking they can do the loan but he is worried about the amount of money the sellers are asking for the place so tomorrow we will be making an offer for less than they are asking and with some better terms. Hopefully the sellers accept the offer and the bank accepts the offer. That is the first step in this long road.

Hannah had a mini Halloween party at dance last night. She had a blast and looked so darn adorable!!

 

Today was her preschool party and the kids have their parties this afternoon. Pictures of them to follow.

Happy Halloween

So the 4th annual Halloween party has come and gone. So much preperation for one night. One night that is fairly fuzzy. I do know I got my picture taken with Kiss!! Go Kiss. It was an absolute blast. 

It looks like the neighbors have decided not to move.Yay!! I knew they couldn't live without us.

Here are some picts! Enjoy :)

Shawn and I

Sexy bunny

That is all I can show you folks!!

Call it fate, kismet, call it karma or destiny. Maybe I have ESP? I do know I have a heavy heart. You see, two of the neighbors I posted about yesterday announced last night they may be moving to Vegas. He got a job offer and his parents live there. They wanted to move closer to family. We are family dammit.

There were many tears shed last night, guilt trips as well. How could they even think of leaving us? We are the amigos. How can they take my adopted niece and nephew away?  Hannah's best friend. Do they know how this will tear those girls apart. Those two aren't merely friends, they are sisters. I have never seen any two children spend so much time together. When they were gone for four days Hannah was lost. When they got back Hannah rushed over as they were pulling in the driveway. She had to spend the night. They laid awake talking until midnight and were up at 8 so they could talk some more. Soul sisters those two are. What will become of them if they move?

Then there is my little man. The dude I love as if he were my own. From the time I held that baby in my arms at the hospital I was in love with him. When she had such a hard time with PPD after he was born  I devoted my time to helping her and loving him. That's what friends and families do. I celebrated his first tooth, his silly little crawl, and then the momentous first steps. We sat outside and encouraged him to walk back and forth between us and cheered like mad and covered him with kisses when he did.  They can't take him away from me yet. I haven't cheered when he mastered a two wheel bike yet.

I know, it sounds so silly. They are neighbors after all, some would say. Not many people have the pleasure of having their neighbors turn into their family.

I feel as if my heart is breaking...

Thankful

As I was cleaning my house it caused me to stop and ponder just how blessed I am (yes blessed to do housework).

I am so blessed to live on such a wonderful block with the most amazing neighbors anyone has ever had. We all started out as friendly neighbors and progressed to friends, now I would call us a family.

Most of us don't have any family nearby and heavily rely on each other when times get tough. Tonight I am hosting a pumpkin carving party. This is a tradition, done every year, the people who hosted it in the past moved so now I have picked up the torch.

Saturday someone is hosting our annnual Halloween party. There was talk of dropping it this year but in the end tradition endured.

In November a Thanksgiving feast is held. Everyone is invited to join. In December I host a holiday party. Christmas Eve is spent together partaking in church service, stories for the kids, gifts and wine for the adults. In January a superbowl party is hosted. There are birthday parties thrown and no one is excluded. We buy gifts for each others kids. We spend many weekends together barbequeing in someones garage. Why the garage? Because we are hillbilly's of course. The decks are to hoity toity for our use. There are bon fires and beers and many confidences shared.
Yep, I live in the best neighborhood with the best neighbors ever.
For that I am thankful.

Losing my mind

I am going completely and totally nuts!! I will not make it through this week. I am so afraid there will be another offer on the bar while we are waiting on our financing and we will lose it. I am so afraid of what will become of me if the financing is a no go. Like I said, I am a ball of nerves. Pray for me.

I just got back from meeting with the banker. Did I mention I looked at another restaurant last Thursday? I am hoping all of the disappointments we have had in the last few months have led us to this place. I would love to hang my server apron at this place for awhile.

When I walked in I felt at home. I expected someone to yell Norm everytime the door opened. This is my kind of place. There is food there but it is mostly a bar. A really wonderful sports bar.

Anyway, the banker said everything looks good. He will check into some loan options and let me know. As always, fingers crossed people.

So, what did ya all think of my pictures? Fun bunch we are eh?  Scott and Cat's wedding reception was a blast!! It was go, go, go from 8 am on but it was so worth it. In my opinion it turned out perfect.

This coming up weekend is our anual Halloween party. More craziness and with any luck more crazy pictures to follow. You know you all want to party with us. I just might leave Shawn at home this year. My man is being an ass but what's new? So what are we going to be this year you ask? How about Hugh and the girls (as in next door). Now you know you can't wait to see the pictures!!

 

Update on the month

So much going on this month and I haven't really made any updates. I am just going to post some pictures and let them tell the story.

A total brag!!

Sky won a poster drawing contest at school last week. She had to draw a fire safety poster. She won first place in the first grade. She won a $10 award, had her picture in the paper and her poster goes on to the state competition. I am so proud of my little Sky bug!

Still searching for a restaurant. I found a broker online. I called him and he was having a big ass fit about having to share commission with my agent. I was supposed to meet with him today but wasn't able to because of Matthew's field trip and the fact he didn't call me back to work out the commission split thing. This really is bullshit. Why is it so hard to find something to buy? I really wish I knew what the next step was.

As for Matthew's field trip today, it was so awesome!! We went to the science museum and saw body worlds. It was fantastic!! I had a bit of a problem with the fetuses and the woman with the baby still in her stomach but the rest was awesome. The kids were so hilarious freaking out because the penis' were still attached. This one boy in our group decided he wanted to be buried because he didn't want his body cut in half like one of the specimens and he didn't want everyone seeing his penis. A-okay! The omni theater was fantastic as well. We saw a great piece on the vikings, Fun time!

Body Worlds - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Keely fell over the railing tonight at her house. Holly called and wanted me to check her over. Poor kid, she is going to be sore for a bit but she looks okay. Hannah had to call right away when I got home so she could ask Keely herself if she was ok. No trusting Mom when we are dealing with her best friend.

Scott and Cat's wedding reception is this weekend. I can hardly wait!! I'm sure i'll be adding pictures. The walk was fun and hopefully they raised a bunch of money for research and grants for the families.  

 

Hodge Podge

                                  

Update on the restaurant. The owners took a much higher offer. We knew there was one in place and it could happen but it was still crushing. I had my hopes to high and I swore I wasn't going to do that. So, we keep looking. We found one (or what we thought was one) in a very up scale tourist town. We requested the financials, when we got them it turned out it was just a bar, no restaurant. Cripes! There is also one in a small town about 45 minutes from here. The problem is, it's a small town. If I wanted to take chances in a small town I would just stay here. The search continues.

Tomorrow is Skylee's 7th birthday. It seems like only yesterday my sweet little girl was my first sweet little baby girl. I would stare at her for hours in awe because I finally had a girl. I had such high hopes for her. She was going to do everything I did as a girl and everything I wasn't able to do. So far she is so much like me it is surreal. I call her mini me all the time. She is so much a mixture of who I was as a child and who I have grown to be as an adult. I am very proud of the smart little girl she is and I am still so excited about the smart young woman she will grow to be. I adore this girl. She has shaped the woman I have grown to be. I want to be a role model for her and I just hope I can do her justice.

I have been closely following the school shootings in the last week. It makes me so sad and so angry. These children are going to school as millions of children do everyday. They don't expect to be murdered trying to get an education. It pisses me off. If these sick bastards want to commit suicide then do it. Do not end the life of an innocent young child with so much potential. End your own life, leave theirs intact.

Another thing that burns my ass is the thing with the senator. Ya know, I care that these teenage boys are being targeted but it is not the big deal it is being made out to be. This kind of thing happens everyday. There are so many other things to cover in then news than what political ramifications this republican will bring to his party. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

So, I went to the renaissancefestival here in Minnesota for the first time ever. So much hype. It was pretty much a let down. It was fun but I don't care if I ever go back.

So how about them Twins? Go Twinkies! Enough said!                        

Apple season is upon us at work. Aye karumba! Busy, busy. Saturday I went in at 2, I didn't leave until 10:30. I was exhausted!! I have to do it two days in a row this coming weekend. I am not made for this anymore. Busting my ass for someone else just isn't in my blood like it used to be.

Shawn and I are participating in a charity walk this Saturday. It is for our friend Scott who was in a horrible accident a year ago in March. He is one of the lucky ones that has made a recovery. Not a full recovering but a wonderful, miraculous recovery none the less. Another one of our neighbors was in an accident in August. It doesn't look like his recovery will be nearly as miraculous. He quite frankly isn't doing well. That is where funds from organizations like this come in to play. Scott was one of the lucky ones, Chet doesn't appear to be so lucky. Please, think about donating to this worth while charity. One never knows when they could use the funds of a charity like this one. Here is the link. ActiveGiving.com Donations. Thank you all in advance!!

                                              

Peace out friends.

Michelle :)

Okay, I picked the financials up. My first thought was wow these suckers must be cooked!! I took them into my boss who is thinking they must be cooked as well! Aye karumba! So, now what do we do? Do we try and make a go of it when we don't have any realistic idea of what we will be making or do we run for the hills and put my dream on hold for a bit until we find something else? I don't want to rush into anything but I really don't know what the right decision is. I guess I will have to be patient and wait to see what the accountant has to say about everything. Surely he will be able to figure out just what in the hell they are doing over there.

Shawn is going to pick up his new ice house today. Just what I need!! Who wants an ugly ass ice house sitting in their driveway? Not I!!

So, last night I had a party of 3 come in. One of the guys in the party ordered 30 ounces of prime rib. 30 OUNCES!!  Nearly 2 pounds of meat! I gave him so much shit, telling him he would never eat it all, he was going to have a box, or a wheelchair if he did eat it all. He not only ate it all he ate his salad, someone else's potatoes and 8 corn muffins. WOW!! He also left me a 25% gratuity. Thank you very much Mr. Steakeater.

I'm having a hard time writing a new entry. I want to leave my tribute to Simon at the top of my journal forever but it's not meant to be. Life goes on for the living.

We are in the midst of trying to purchase a restaurant. Talk about difficult. The sellers agents suck ass. We showed up to look at it Thursday at our scheduled time and there was no owner there. I guess someone forgot to tell the owner there was a showing. We have been waiting since Wednesday morning for the financial reports which the agents keep saying they'll fax. I can see why this place hasn't sold. Totally irresponsible real estate agents.

So, I guess I will have to call my agent and have him keep looking. This was an awesome place with a well established, thriving business. I want it so bad I can taste it. I just need the damn financial records.

Maybe this is God's way of saying it aint gonna happen woman. I don't know. All I know is that I am frustrated beyond belief!

If anyone here reads please give me some words of encouragement or send up a prayer. Please.

Update: 10 Minutes after I posted this my agent called and said he finally had the financials. I ran over and picked them up. Started browsing through. Wowsa! I should have become an accountant. I don't understand any of the tax return statements. I do understand there monthly statements though. I really understand the net profit part. I like that part. If we really made that I could afford a new truck. We shall see though, first things first. Get this bad boy over to the accountant for review and I'll let him tell me what the bottom line really is. You can all still give me good thoughts though. This is going to be a long weekend, waiting to drop these off.

2,996 A tribute to Simon Dhanani

                Simon Suleman Ali Kassamali Dhanani
Humble Man of the World

"Simon A. Dhanani, a vice president at Aon Re Inc., was on the 99th floor of Tower 2 when the first airliner struck Tower 1. He directed the evacuation that moved 80 of the firm's employees to safety. But 22 of the company's workers didn't make it out, including Dhanani, said Albano Martell, one of his closest friends in Hartsdale. ""He gave up his life to save others,"" Martell said. ""It's such a great loss. He was a fascinating character who enjoyed the great mosaic that was New York."" Dhanani, a Muslim who attended a mosque in Queens, was born in Kenya, educated in England, and immigrated to the United States about 15 years ago."

"He was a man without frontiers, without borders."

That is how Simon A. Dhanani was described by the man who regarded himself as Mr. Dhanani's best friend. "My wife called us the odd couple," Albano Martell said of his friend. Mr. Martell, 46, was the voluble one of the pair; Mr. Dhanani, 62, the quiet, humble one. They shared a love of poetry, Andalusian music, talk of world religion. They both loved to eat. "It was the perfect marriage," Mr. Martell said.

Mr. Dhanani was a vice president at Aon, on the 99th floor of 2 World Trade Center. He lived alone in Hartsdale, N.Y. But he had a fixed chair at the Martells' dining table.

The weekend before the attack, Mr. Dhanani visited their home in nearby Ardsley. They drank a glass of wine. They listened to a new album of Andalusian music until late into the evening. They made plans to go to a Korean restaurant the following week. "He was a humble, kind, universal man,"Mr. Martell said. "He really enjoyed the mosaic of the world."

From: Dr. Leslie Popoff
Date: 02/12/2005
Message: Dear Mr. Dhanani, I sat next to you at a concert at Lincoln Center in which Yo-Yo Ma performed a piece by Richard Danielpour, and the subject was the silk road to China. You spoke about this magnificent office and view you had in the World Trade Center. you gave me your card and invited me to visit and see for myself. i never did, but i kept your card and thought of you. i just now brought myself to find out what happened to you. What a tragic loss! Forever rest in peace. Leslie Popoff 

Dear Simon, I hope you are at peace. Life will never be the same. We missyou. Keep shining. 
   Michele Orisino (Aon) 

 Dear Simon,

I know that you are at peace and I was blessed to have you known you, even for a short time. You were always kind to me, and for that I am grateful.
Best,
KG 
   Katalin Goencz (New York, NY ) 

 Dear Simon:
I think about you every day,I look around and I look at the palces we once shared.I miss your companioship,the tea time,the conversations about Joseph Campbell,I no longer can't talk about Romy or Gabriel Garcia Marquez, even Cesar Vallejo is missing you.Summer is approaching and the backyard is empty without your presence. We talk about Ahmed Shah Massoud almost a year ago.Still ,I look around and I see your peaceful eyes,your peaceful soul.
No matter how old I will be you will always be alive in my heart,
Your loving brother,
Albano 
   ALBANO MARTELL (ARDSLEY, NY ) 

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   June 3, 2002
 ...I will always remember him as a friend who open my eyes to the world outside. He always told me stories of his many travels and that there is a whole world out there to enjoy and be had. We all miss you dearly. 
   Florence Han (Jersey City, NJ ) 

Simon, I think about you often and I am so sorry that your life ended like this. I know you are in a better place but your friends on earth miss your unique companionship and all the good times we shared. I have so many good memories of you. Love, Gail 
   Gail Martell (Ardsley, NY ) 

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   May 11, 2002
 I,m glad I know about you, Simon. I called for a Mercyband and received your name. I take you everywhere! I hope you have met my son, Timmy. He died after open heart surgery at 14 and 1/2. He would be 25 now! God Bless You and your family! 
   Helena Wresch (albertson, NY ) 

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   April 4, 2002
 Dear dad,
I am sorry that I did not see you and say goodbye before you left us.I hope wherever you are, you are at peace and remember us.
Love,
your son, Shervin 
   Shervin Dhanani (New London, NH ) 

I never met Simon but I pray for him every day. His name was given to me at our Church as someone to remember. Now that I've read something about him, I know that the world lost someone special. I would like to have met him. Louis 
   Louis Carello (Poughkeepsie, NY ) 

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   January 31, 2002
 Simon was always kind to me on my trips to the NY office. He also gave me some good tips on shopping and dining in London. Kindness is never forgotten. May you rest in Peace.

 
   Mary Michl (Chicago, IL ) 

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   January 17, 2002
 I hope that you are in a peaceful place. Thank you for believing in me and for being so enocouraging..
You will be missed.

God Bless 
   K. Swain (NY ) 

 God bless you and keep you safe from any harm.
kimberley hess
cambridge
 
   kimberley hess (peoria, IL ) 
We are very sorry for your loss of Simon. May his love for Andalusian music, his life and love live on in those who love him. Our hearts cry with you.
America Cries
We see your sorrow-
and our hearts cry....
We can not erase your pain
but you do not have to face the anguish alone-for we-
-the American people-
are beside you.
We so desperately want to have the touch that brings you comfort,
the strength that gives you courage,
and the words to lighten your spirits.
And when we are left speechless
may the silence of our nation weave love into your hearts
to ease your sorrow.
May you find healing through our nation's strength as we-
-the American people-
face this difficult time together. Our hearts are with you. Teresa Jahn
Dixon, IL 
   Teresa Jahn (Dixon, IL ) 

I know we are supposed to write tributes to the brave people who lost their lives on that fateful day 5 years ago. I think these tributes by the people who knew and loved Simon say it best. It seems he was a wonderful friend to many and still lives on in the hearts of all who knew him.
May you fly with the angels Simon. God bless.

DEAR LORD, BLESS SIMON DHANANI AND MAY HE REST IN PEACE WITH GOD AND HIS ANGELS..GOD BLESS HIS FAMILY AND
HIS GOOD FRIENDS..GOD BLESS AMERICA
AND MAY WE NEVER FORGET 9/11/01.AMEN 
   Anonymous 

Amen...

 

This post will remain here through September 11th. It is part of a project D. Challener Roe began, and includes over 3,000 bloggers paying tribute to those 2,996 men and women who were lost on that horrifically tragic day in 2001. Click 2,996 to read the rest of the tributes.

 

The 'Hood

Argh! Argh! Argh! These sweet little children of mine are driving me to drink. 3 weeks and the little darlings will be back in school where they belong. Hallelujah!! They are in their rooms right now chanting "we're not tired". I should go back there, then they would be chanting "we have sore butts". lol

Last night I was sitting out by the pond with a few friends, we were visiting and watching Blade catch minnows. I heard this chink sound but really loud. I said what was that and looked up. Holly points at the little demon spawn that lives next door and said he just threw rocks. They bounced off the window down into the pond. If there are two things I am protective of (besides my kids) it is my windows and my turtle. I yelled at the kid to not do it again. He took off running into his yard. I thought good I scared him, hell no he was going back for more rocks. He comes running back into my yard and I tell him to not do it. He raises his arm, his Mom is standing 10 feet away, he pulls back and is about to let them fly. I am thinking hell she is watching and isn't going to say anything so I decide to defend my property and my sweet little turtle. I quickly grab his arm and yell at him that I told him no. I told him get out of my yard and don't come back. Mom still says nothing so I push him out of the yard. Man I was pissed. So now I know 2 things about Hmongs. 1) there kids are potential thieves and 2) they let the monsters do what they want. I am going to stick up a no trespassing sign. I guess the kid was spotted taking some shit out of my garage. I am going to write a letter to the parents letting them know that I would appreciate them keeping their children out of my yard and if he trespasses after I put the sign up I will press charges. I mean wtf?? What do I have to do to protect my home from a 4 year old?? lol

This weekend we had such a good time. Friday night we partied like rock stars. Nathan was in town. It was so fun to see him. Tige got buck ass naked and posed on Alex's motorcycle. I about died laughing, not cause he was naked on the bike but because it was my husband taking the shots!!! There were more booby pictures and bare ass Tige pictures than there should have been. Felix ended up ripping a nipple ring out. Ouch!! It was Alex's birthday and he celebrated. He ended up in the shower trying to sober up from 2 am until 7 am.

Saturday Shawn went to Scott's bachelor party and I went back over to Holly and Tige's. I said I wasn't drinking and I wasn't showing my boobs. I had to work Sunday morning and I hate going in hung over. Yeah right!! I did a few shots and then started in on the Captain Coke's. After that the boobs started coming out. Shawn and the guys got there and then there were even more body parts to show off. The highlight of the night was all 20 + of us lying in a circle on the garage floor so Tige could take a picture of us. He said show your boobies, so we did. Guys too! lol. I came home at 4. Finally fell asleep at 6. I was just to keyed up to sleep. I found out last night that Tige and Nathan ended the night on Alex's boat taking naked pictures of each other. Fags you ask?? No, brothers!! Weirdo's!!

There was so much more and I know I will want to remember it but most is fuzzy. We played ring of fire all night, kick ass game!! Laura was trying to act prude but ended up showing more goodies than anyone else. She crossed the line but oh well. I decided to show off some Pilate's moves. Crazy pictures taken there. I was dressed. Tige whipped his weeny out and smacked Shawn in the back. A crazy night was had by all. I sure as shit hope no one that knows the neighbors read this blog!

One should never mess with a Mom. Especially one that becomes as ferocious as a mama bear when she feels one of her cubs are in harm. That is just what happened to this mama bear and her cub today.

I had just pulled in the drive from picking up some lime for the yard, ran in to drop my stuff in the foyer before going back out to help Shawn drop lime on our grass. Hannah was babbling about Matthew, Skylee was babbling about Matthew then Ed came up and said some coherent things about Matthew getting beat up and he was going to take care of it. I took one look at Matthew with his swollen face and I told Ed that there was no way in hell he was taking care of anything because I was doing so first.

I made a bee-line passed my husband who looked puzzled and said you look mad, what's up. I didn't answer, I was on a mission. I rang the doorbell at Cade's house and told his Mom what was up. She got pissed right away too and told me Cade wasn't there, he was at Levi's. I said that's where I was headed and she followed.

We made it over to Levi's house, heard the 3 little boys stories in which they said one older boy encouraged it which prompted Cade's Mom and I demand that boy be brought out now. We drug similar stories out of the bunch of boys but only one was talking, the rest were agreeing or adding little tidbits.

Cade was made to appologize to Matthew. Later his Dad came over to check on Matthew and make sure he was okay and so we could cross check our stories before anyone got the punishment coming to them. We still don't know exactly what happened. Matthew says the 3 little guys and Barrett the older boy were all hitting him. Cade says Matthew hit him first and he hit him back but that Barrett encouraged it. Regardless Matthew will not be hanging with these particular boys again for a while. He could have really been hurt if it was 4 boys punching on him, one being 13.

I sent Ed over to deal with Barrett. He had to contain himself from pissing his own pants when Ed got in his face. I know I shouldn't have sent Ed over but I surely would have went to jail for what I would have done to the kid had I dealt with his sorry ass.  

Little Entrepenuers

My girls are out in the garage playing. There is no better day than a hot day like today to have a lemonade stand (or so they think). They have set up shop in the garage (keep in mind we live in the back of a cul-de-sac). I was just out checking on them and asked them what they were charging. Sky proclaims it's $5 a glass. How about 10 cents a glass I say. Hannah yells how about 5 dollars and 10 cents a glass!

Aha! The price of lemonade sure isn't what it was when I was a kid.

I have to have the world's best customers.

For months I have had this couple come in on Thursdays. They usually just have soda's and share a burger before they play cards. They give me a couple bucks sometimes and other times nothing. I don't really care. I just really like those two.

Last night they came in and ate dinner and Ashley tells me I hit a huge jackpot the other night at the card club. How cool for her!! 

When it came time to pay the bill her husband William hands me a hundred dollar bill. I told him I would be right back with the change. He said no, just keep it, that's for you.

HUGE tip!! He said how cool I always am to them and this just makes up for all the times they wanted to give me a good tip and couldn't. How sweet of them!!

This is why I do what I do. Not for the money but for the friendships formed. I love my customers and it seems they are fond of me too!

Don't ya love it when people whom you consider friends turn out to be not so friend like and a lot like you feared they were when you first met them?

It turns out that is exactly what is happening in our happy, friendly little cul-de-sac. Our next door neighbors sold their house to 2 chinese/mong families "just to spite us". Their new neighbors are so much "cleaner and have such nicer things" than the people in our neighborhood. It was implied that we are all white trash. All said in a drunken slur of course. Sincerest apologies the next day. Whatever.

Sooo, I will be parting ways with the neighbors I loved and trusted when they move it in 17 days and say hello to two non english speaking families whom will not mesh well in the cul-de-sac we have come to love. With so many family members coming and going will the kids all be able to play out in the road like they have been accustomed to? Will I feel safe letting my kids out to play without my watching their every move? I am so hurt and upset by what was said and afraid of the unknown. Duanne told us all when they put the house on the market that they would look out for all of us, why then did he pick the two non-english speaking families with heaven knows how many family members between them when they also had an offer for the same amount of money from a normal family of 4?

What I do know is I won't be attending the pompous neighbors baby shower Sunday as I had planned. I just don't want to spend my hard earned money on them knowing they feel they way they do. Maybe their new neighbors can by them some fancy new stuff.

End of that subject for now.

Our weekend has been both fun and relaxing. We spent all day Sunday with Shawn's aunt and uncle. It was a great day of family, food, games, water balloons and fireworks. The kids had a blast. That's what really counts, right?

Yesterday we bummed around the house, took naps, played in the yard, bbq'd some burgers and relaxed. It was such a nice day home relaxing.

Yesterday we were up early to go to an independence day parade. 2 hours!! Wow!! We met up with another of Shawn's aunts, my friend Jen and her family. We really had a nice time together at the parade. The kids made out like little bandits. There is nothing quite like watching kids scramble for candy like it is some sort of drug.

After the parade we all went our separate ways. Shawn, I and the kids headed to the park for food, food, food!! They had a really great d.j playing all kinds of party tunes to get the crowd dancing. They had classic cars including a Delorian that the kids were soooooo intrigued with. They wanted to know if it was really the one from Back to the Future! They had HUGE slip and slides set up on a hill with fire hoses shooting above them for the kids to play on. Mine had a blast. Who cares that they didn't have suits? It really was a great time and I am sure we will be back next year.
We spent the rest of the afternoon napping and bumming before we met up with Holly and Tige across the street and a few other neighbors for fireworks. All and all a good day and a fun yet relaxing weekend. 

Ya know, I pull this page up and stare blankly at it quite often. Why is it so hard for me to find something to say? I am, in my opinion a great conversationalist. I know when to talk and when to listen. I say something funny at just the right time. I never run out of stuff to talk about. I am a walking list of topics to discuss. Yet, nothing to say here. What gives?

I could tell you about my garden, wait, I already did that.

I could tell you about my job, been there, done that.

I could tell you about my kids, yep, check.

What to say?

I went garage saleing today. I found this bargain of an ab-roller for a buck!! Hubby says, another exercise thingie? Yeah, but this one works. I use it at the gym, here, feel my abs. Maybe you should use it a bit more. Ouch!

I also got a hair cut today, well if you call it that. I have been going to this girl Hannah for quite some time. Last time I was in was March. She absolutely butchered my hair. I have been putting off the dreaded hair cut since then. I wanted to give her another chance since she has always done a wonderful job. Everyone has a bad day, it just sucks she chose to have one the day I was in. I bit the bullet and had her take an inch off. No one noticed. Good hair cut!

I am so sick of the Star Jones/Rosie O bullshit. Rosie did not run Star off, she did that all by herself when she turned into bridezilla. Things like this don't just happen over night. Hello people!! I am a huge Rosie fan. She is funny and thoughtful, she is a wonderful Mother and does great things for her children's charity. What has Star the Diva done good for anyone besides herself? I have been reading the View message board. It never ceases to amaze me what ignorant hate filled people there are left in this world. I have repeatedly read that people can't stand her because she is a fat lesbian. Hmmmmm. Haters?

I closed at work tonight, fun stuff. He had the evil demon manager lady on tonight. Thank goodness I have the go ahead to manage myself and to ignore what she says. That woman might make me lose my mind eventually.

My Crazy Life....

Life is crazy or so it seems. I can never stop running. I thought summer was supposed to be laid back, no? Crazy.

I was sooooo sick for so long.I ended up getting a month behind in life, it's hard to lose a month. One definitely notices. Once I was healthy I had to play catch-up. The yard hadn't been touched so I had to spend lots of time weeding and planting. It was okay though. I finally had the energy.

I love working in the yard. I am one who loves weeds to grow just so I can pull them. My garden actually looks beautiful!! There is nothing quite like plucking the first cucumber off the vine, cutting it up and popping it in the mouth. Heaven.

I got some landscaping done in the yard. I dug up my flower bed around thee tree, added hosta's and shrubs. I topped it off with mulch. It looks gorgeous.

Shawn and I put a picket fence up for Clara. She hates it, I love it!

I just squished my first mosquito of the season.

Ed went to North Carolina with his Dad the first 2 weeks of June. He had a fabulous first trip to the ocean. Mom had a fabulous break from the teenager. A great time was had by all.

My Mom was forced back to work today after her knee replacement surgery. They made her go back two weeks early or lose her job. She has no balls to stand up for herself. I would have told them to keep their job. She went in yesterday to get her schedule, the deli manager said she wished she wasn't coming back. She then preceded to tell my Mom what a hateful bitch she was before the surgery and how no one could stand her. My Mom tried to explain how much pain she was in. The boss said it was beyond pain, she is just a bitch. Well hell if I was invited to not go back I wouldn't. There again, no balls. How did I come from that woman? I am so outspoken. I refuse to allow anyone to walk on me.  Not my Mom. She lays out the welcome mat.

The kids did 2 weeks of summer school. They started crying the second I told them they were going, 2 weeks before school got out and continued until the morning of the first day. I had ruined their summer. Blah, blah. They loved it!! They were so sad when the session ended. Hah! Mom knows best. Now they are up my ass, driving me crazy.

I just got my first mosquito biteof the season. Dammit! Ouch!

I am signing off now to go get some bug spray so I can sit in my chair. Ouch, ouch, ouch!

I just can't take it anymore

Hannah just walked over to the window, held up her arms and yelled "I just can't take it anymore". Then, "Boo, I said Boo, go away you stupid birds".

The cause of this frustration? She wasn't allowed to go the skate park with her brothers. KIDS!!

Happy Birthday to....Me!

Today is my birthday and I am still so ill I can't even enjoy it. It's a double whammy day. It should have been a great day. The kids tried, Shawn tried, I just can't get into it. I am really tired of being ill.

I went to the doctor on Thursday. She tried to tell me I pulled some abdominal muscles. I told her there was no way, I have done way to many crunchies and sit-ups in my day to mistake the gut tearing pain I have had for two weeks with pulled muscles. Give me a break. She then decided I have some funky bacterial infection and put me on anti-biotic, something that is supposed to reduce all of the acid in my stomach and some nose spray. I guarantee that none of those things are helping.

The neighbor's had a birthday party for me last night. I had 2 drinks and called it good. I really didn't have that much fun. That is sooooo unlike me. I haven't felt like myself in 2 weeks. I am beginning to think this will never end, so tomorrow I am taking my ass back to the doctor and demanding she figure out what is wrong.

On to Mother's Day/Birthday. Hannah woke me up this morning with her sweet little sing song voice telling me Happy Birthday and Happy Mother's Day. When I finally decided to somewhat come to life I found all kinds of goodies covering my bed. My kids are good to me. Shawn laid my presents out on my recliner. He somehow knew it would be the first place I went. Maybe it's because it has been the only place I have been in the last 2 weeks. He bought me a pump for my pond and the Father/Son Willow figure to add to my collection. He did good!

Against my better judgment I decided to go out tonight to play poker. Bad idea. I just couldn't concentrate. 4 hands in and I was out of chips. Oh well, the recliner was calling me and Housewives is on in 5 minutes.

Pictures

Somebody shoot me already would ya?? I am at the end of day 5 in the flu epidemic of '06. Well it's an epidemic in my mind because I never get ill. It sucks. Fever, tummy ache, million pound head, hot, cold, hot cold. Yeah you get the idea.

I never did finish my story about my trip home and I really don't feel like it anymore but I will say a few things because I never want to forget them.

My sister in a freaking loser mooch and so is her girlfriend. 20 something professional leeches those 2 are. At one point Jessie said something about what she would do to Mom's house when her and Jen inherited it. Excuse me?? I must have missed Mom's death and the reading of the will. I let it bother me for awhile and then mentioned it to my Mom. I don't want the house. I will NEVER willingly move back to Wyoming but I want less for my sister and her lesbian lover to have it. Why those little bitches think everything should be handed to them is beyond me. I don't know if I mentioned it before but I threw a huge fit and told them both to get off there lazy asses and get jobs, to stop freaking mooching. That it was bad enough when Jen mooched off of everyone but to add another is just ridiculous.

Did I mention how much Hannah loves her Uncle Kevin?? She thinks he hung the moon and considering my 2 girls and my niece are the only girls in our family, the feeling is mutual. I wish Kevin would have had a girl of his own. I think he would have made a great Daddy for some little princess. I know he didn't do half bad with Jen and I.

His heart was just broken that besides riding on the lawn mower with him Sky wanted nothing to do with him. We couldn't figure it out. He kept asking if she was mad at him and she would not answer. She wouldn't even acknowledge his presence. She finally told me eon the way home that she isn't mad at him, she is afraid oh him. HA! Of all the people to be afraid of Uncle Kevin isn't one. Silly goose.

Now to my nephews and niece, whew. My brother Denny and his wife Jodi should win shittiest parents of the year awards. Who knows maybe they aren't that bad but to me they are awful. I think I mentioned that my 14 yo nephew has a tattoo. Insane. My 11 year old nephew who was a toe headed adorably blonde thing has dyed his hair jet black and has piercing's everywhere. My niece is 8 and i'm sure will be knocked up by time she is 12. She dresses and acts like a hoochie. It's embarassing. Yeah greatparents those two are. There justification for the piercings, tattoo's and hoochie mama clothes is that if they give the kids these outlets they won't be doing drugs. You have to be kidding me!! The boys are walking billboards for NA. Give me a break.  

Easter was okay. We cooked all morning before going to Kevin and Traci's for dinner. We ate, then had an egg hunt. Not very enjoyable for the older kids and fairly boring for the younger ones but I had a blast hiding all of those plastic eggies chalk full of candy. The girls had a blast finding their baskets and discovering all the was inside. That silly Easter bunny hid Skylee's in the shower and Hannah's under the table in the plant room. The girls both got a huge kick out of the shower thing.

Ya know the whole time we were there they had record high temps so why 2 days after Easter which was 90 degrees was it freakin snowing out??? We went for lunch and had to dodge snowflakes. Hmmm. I was one home sick girly who desperately just wanted to come home to my boys. My plan was to leave EARLY Wednesday morning. The weather report I woke up to had me in tears. A major spring blizzard in Rapid City and strong winds gusting to 70 mph everywhere else. What the hell? I hemmed and hawed until 11 trying to decide what to do. I decided I was going home come hell or high water. I picked up and a and headed for Nebraska. Besides being super windy and colder than cold it wasn't bad. We did hit some snow but nothing this Minnesota girl can't handle. I made it home and had never been so happy to be here!!

I don't plan on going out to Wyoming again any time soon. I am a Minnesotan now. I feel it in my blood. This place is home. As long as my husband and children are here, my friends are here and my job is here this is where I will call home.

Silence.

I have so much I want to say but I need to say so much before I get to the one thing I really want to say.

I have been gone for 2 weeks taking care of my Mom who had knee replacement surgery. I left the Sunday before Easter. Long drive. I swear all of the wildlife in a 3 state radius flocked to my truck. I nearly hit a pheasant, several geese and what I think is a blue heron. All before I got out of Minnesota. I dodged antelope and deer the rest of the way.

The girls were so well behaved on the drive. Hannah kept asking where we were and my answer was always in the middle of nowhere. When my Mom asked her how the drive was she replied we were in the middle of no where then we were in a town, we were in the middle of no where then we were in a town. I was cracking up!

The first night we were there we stopped at my brother Kevin's house and visited with my nephews before we went to grandma's. I was shocked at just how bad of shape my Mom was in. She could barely walk. She definitely needed that surgery.

Monday was spent entertaining ourselves while Mom was at work. Kevin and I cleaned and mowed Mom's yard. The girls had a blast being drove all over the yard on Uncle Kevin's riding lawn mower. Uncle Kevin is a God to them. I was going to take Kevin and Traci, Jennifer and Jessie out for lunch but as always as we were arriving at my favorite restaurant my sister got a fire call. Every dam time we try to have lunch together she has a fire call. I met my brother and Traci anyway. I was so dissapointed in the food. What a bummer. I crave that restaurant all year until I go out there again.

Monday we were in bed early for the big surgery the next morning. We had to be there by 5:30. Getting up at 4 am just isn't my cup of tea. Mom was stressed and crabby. What a morning. She went in for surgery and we all set up camp in my Durango. Waiting in the hospital sucks. At least outside we could get out of the truck to smoke. I have pictures of all 8 of us jammed in the 2 front seats of my truck. Hillbilly's we are.

Finally the surgeon came out and let us know that everything went well and they were taking her to her room. The rest of the week until Friday is kind of a blur. I don't know what happened on what days. My Mom's sister who I do not get along with happened to be in Mom's room one time when Traci and I walked in. I stayed on my side of the room and avoided looking at her. She asked my other Aunt for her truck keysbecause "she just cannot stand that girl" meaning me. I thought we were all adults here. I had so much to say but bit my lip and pretended not to hear her because I didn't want to upset my Mom. We visited for a while then went out to smoke. When we came back in Mom was in the midst of a major panic attack. Way to go mouthy bitch Jeanie.

At one point I was so sick of being at the hospital. When Traci and I went out to smoke I was darting through the halls humming the Austin Powers theme song, holding up my hands as a fake gun. I would peek around the corner to see if all was clear. When people would approach is in the hall I would slink behind Traci so they couldn't see me. At one point I peeked around a corner and found the nurse standing there. I squealed and she died laughing. My poor sister in law declared I had escaped from the mental ward and ducked into the bathroom. She said I made her laugh so hard she almost pee'd her pants. It's amazing how a hillbilly amuses themself.

To be  continued.......

I wonder if I am ever not frustrated. I swear, life seems to be peeing on me right now.

My laptop is down again. It was working fine when I left last night, when I got home it was done for. Grrrrr. My 14 year old was on it and somehow managed to delete a bunch of system files from windows. I took it to the pc DR today. He told me to reinstall windows on it and I would be good to go. He wanted me to do it myself so he didn't have to charge me $50. It isn't working :( It has been trying to install since 1 this afternoon. I guess tomorrow I will be spending the $50. I just cannot live without my laptop. I leave in a few days for my 12 hour drive and I need it to entertain my daughters on the way.

Does anyone have Vonage? I signed up over 2 months ago and still haven't had my number transferred. Vonage said they made the request for transfer, my phone company said they didn't. I am completely frustrated with both and vowed to both of them if I didn't know what was going on in 48 hours I was cancelling both. I won't know and I probably won't cancel. I need more than just a cell phone with all of these kids.

On a good note, I am out the door to play poker. That always makes me happy. Here's hoping I win!!

Sick of people

I am so incredibly frustrated with my Mom right now.

She is scheduled to have surgery in 2 weeks for knee replacement. Her ass of a boss told her a few days ago that she had to have her insurance premiums prepaid for the time that she was out recovering or she wouldn't be able to have the surgery done. Instead of checking her insurance policy or calling me she cancels her surgery. What the hell? I tried to explain to her that her boss was bullying her that what he is doing is illegal. No dice. I finally got frustrated and told her the only reason she cancelled is because she is afraid. I ended up calling her insurance company myself and complaining about her boss. They must have called and bitched at him because last night when I talked to her he had offered to cover her premiums while she was out of work and she will have top pay them back when she goes back to work. That's what I thought the ass. It's a good thing I demanded that she call and reschedule her appointment last week.

Onto other things that add to my frustration. A woman that I play poker with, whom I really adored and really considered a friend pulled bitch to the tournament director and complained about me because I beat her! Such is life but damn if she had a problem say something to me. She is 60 for pete's sake, be an adult and don't run to the TD like a freakin' baby.

I had a shitty day at work yesterday too. I had an old couple stiff me. Fuckers!! Do they have any idea who I am??? lol One of the girls I work with was being a bossy bitch. I felt like telling her when she signs my fucking check she can tell me what to do. I have been there way longer than her. WTF is wrong with people??

Okay onto something better. The party for our friend Scott was a blast!! I saw the pictures from his accident and I just wanted to cry. I probably would have had he not been sitting in front of me so full of life. It is amazing he made it out alive by the looks of his truck. I also got to sit and really talk with his fiance. She is such a sweet girl. It's obvious why Scott adores her the way he does. She is just a doll. Her and I are going to meet at the gym tomorrow night. It will be fun to have someone to work out with again since Holly has been to busy for the last few months.

Ugh!! My bully of a daughter just beat her sister up...gotta run!

Holy Hannah!!

Hannah my 4 year old is really into hitting right now. I don't know what has gotten into my sweet little baby. Maybe she is just learning to defend herself from her older siblings or maybe she has learned she has a powerful little arm. I don't know. Whatever it is it is just driving me nuts. The following is an actual conversation between myself and my smart mouthed little monster of a 4 year old.

Me: Hannah can you please leave the bathroom so I can go potty?

Hannah: Only if I can take a bath in the 'cuzzi. Deal or No deal Mom?

Me: No deal Hannah. Out!

Hannah: If you don't let me take a 'cuzzi I am going to hit you with my pencil sharpener.

Me; If you hit me with your pencil sharpener I am going to spank your butt so hard it turns purple.

Hannah: You can't spank that hard Mom. It will only turn red.

Me: Get out Hannah.

Hannah: Deal or No deal Mom?

Me: Wanna red butt?

Hannah: No deal Mom.

 

Argh!! She makes me crazy!!

Earlier in the day she was crying when she discovered the for sale sign in the neighbors yard. I asked her why she was crying. She said I am afraid B and D will take Buster. I said they will Hannah that is there dog. She had big crocodile tears rolling down her face and collapsed into my arms, sobbing that she loves Buster and will miss him. How will she ever live without him?

From sweet to monster in a single afternoon. ::sigh::

Adding on here...

It is no secret that Shawn and I are huge poker fans. The kids are picking up on it and have a daily poker game which Hannah wanted to get in on today. It was soooooo adorable to watch her push her chips in the middle and exclaim "all in"

a mumble jumble of stuff

I haven't written in this thing for more than a month. Time flies.

The last month has been super busy. Work is really picking up. I am so happy for the new owner and for myself. When he is making money so are we.

I took first in poker sometime during this busy month too. That was super exciting!! I have become a poker junkie!!

I started working out again in the last week. I started back up with pilates. The first few days my abs hurt so bad I could hardly breathe. My friend Nancy gave me an Ab-Doer. I think that will really help too. I want to lose inches off my hips, thighs and tummy. Pilates is great for that!!

A wonderul blogger here published a book and I have been dying to read it. I was going to purchase it but shipping was so high. I decided then to wait for the book to come to Amazon. She was very sweet and emailed me the book in a word document. I held onto it for a few days because I wanted to give it my full attention. I never planned on spending the entire afternoon engrossed in her story. She is a phenomenal writer. I can't wait until she writes another novel. She is so talented and I have no doubt she will be a famous novelist. I encourage everyone to pick up The Beauty of June by Jaime Lozada (Book) in Books > Fiction & Literature > Women's Fiction.

I have had a few people ask how I am doing after losing Scott I have to say that my heart is healing, I have been doing really well until last night. Shawn and I met a guy a few months or so ago through one of our friends. His name is Scott as well. He has quickly become a wonderful friend of ours, he is such a great guy. Someone sent him into our lives. About this time last year he was nearly killed in a car wreck. He wasn't expected to make it through the night. He not only made it he has thrived. I hear he is different than he was before the accident. I say it has to be for the better. This is genuinely one of the sweetest guys I have ever met. We were supposed to meet him and his fiance last night for the big St. Patty's day celebration. I got his number from Shawn and programmed it into my phone typing Scott and not thinking much about it. I went to call him and pulled up the name Scott which had two numbers under the name. His and my Scott's. I nearly had a break down but pulled myself together and mentioned to Shawn how hard that was since I had been doing so well. He said I should delete Scott's number from my phone. I can't, I just can't bring myself to delete it. I can't delete him from my phone. It would be like I am deleting him from my life and i'm just not ready for that.

 

Bad Luck??

Does bad luck rub off??

To end my nightmarish two week streak of bad luck I kicked the recliner down, my toe slid off, bent backwards and broke. Argh!! I knew that was it for me. I couldn't have any more bad luck. I mean a broken body part is pretty darn bad! I can't believe my bad luck transferred to someone in my own home though...why couldn't I have given it to the neighbor or a really rude customer or something?

My husband called after work to let me know that he was having a horrible day. Work was bad, he screwed some stuff up. All he wanted to do was hit Walmart and get home and relax. What started as a small stop for teddy bears for our girls for valentines day ended up with a stop at Sam's Club for a new tire when his blew on the way to Walmart. Poor guy!!

He finally buys a new tire, has it put on and is on his way to Walmart. My husband has never, not even once in our entire relationship, surprised me with anything. He asks me what I want for holidays and he buys it. I was expecting some willow figurines tomorrow. Anyway, he calls to say he tried to surprise me with a new digital camera I have been coveting for weeks but when he asked the clerk for it he was informed they were stolen. Now please tell me how someone steals 20 cameras with printers off an end cap at Walmart and walks away unnoticed!! So I do some quick research online while I am on the phone with him and settle for a different model. I am so happy my sweetie thought to surprise me. I love the camera and all but damn, how much bad luck can a family take??

 

WTF???

I have had a hellish, nightmarish sort of day.

 First Ed is sick again or still or whatever and needs to go to the doctor, only I called and the office wouldn't make him an appointment because his dad still owes them money. Grrrrr. I call the idiot up and he tells me he will pay it within an hour and would call me and let me know when it was done so I could make Ed an appointment. I hadn't heard from him since so I called and asked him if he called the doctor. He said no his check won't be in until tomorrow morning. WTH?? I asked him why he didn't just tell me that so I could have paid the bill and he could have paid me back. Now it would cost him $1000 for the ER instead of $100 for the doctor. I really laid into him. I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

Last night while I was chatting with my girlfriend Melissa my laptop crashed. I screwed around with it until really late and gave up. I didn't have time to even mess with it until tonight when I finally called Dell. The lady was helpful and all and determined that my hard drive had crashed luckily it is still under warranty for 2 more weeks!! All was well until she told me it would cost a small fortune to get my files off of the dead hard drive. Yikes!! That is when I called the ex.

On top of that I am feeling neglected by my poker playing husband and just really need some attention. So the best way to get attention is to start a fight, right?? Wrong!!

I decided all I really needed was a long hot soak in my jacuzzi with a good bottle of wine. I filled the tub up to the brim, kicked on the jets, poured my favorite jasmine scented bath salt in, poured a glass of wine and then promptly kicked my glass of merlot off the side of the tub as I was climbing in. Hey at least it tastes just as good straight out of the bottle. Somehow though,I just don't believe a $20 bottle of merlot is meant to be sipped out of the bottle. Maybe it's just me??

Memories

I have sat down here to write several times since my last entry. I just can't get my groove back. The words all just seem hollow. Losing Scott seems so surreal to me. I said I was just going to pretend he wasn't returning my calls, I was half joking. I don't think it has sunk in yet that he really gone. I was thinking back today on all the memories I have of Scott. Nearly every memory I have of him was a fun or funny one. Those are what will help me move on. He lived a full life in his 35 years. Here are a few of those memories.

The first time I ever met him I wasn't impressed. He was loud, obnoxious and cocky. I flat out told him to stay away from my sister because I thought he was a freak! I don't even think I was that nice about it. I think I called him a pedaphile or something. (Poor Scott I was such a bitch. How we become such wonderful friends from there is a mystery). Little did I know that about a year later I would be trying to hook them up. I was eternally trying to hook him up. When I called he would immediately ask who the victim was this time. I know he loved it and I knew if any girl could get past the first date with him and see what a sweet heart he was I knew that she would be one lucky girl.

My sister came out for a visit so I called Scott up to take her out and keep her entertained for an afternoon. That afternoon turned to midnight when I had to call them to find out where they were. They were at a go-kart track. That would be just about both of there style. I don't think they had any romantic interests in each other. I think he viewed her as my kid sister and nothing more. That is a good thing. I am just happy my sister got to meet him.

Next I tried to hook him up with my girlfriend Heather. Oh what a funny calamity that was. They are the two most opinionated people I know. Nonetheless we had a great evening playing cards and drinking beer. We sent the guys out at 2 am for Taco Bell. They came back with more food than we could ever eat. There we sat eating tacos, drinking beer, laughing and playing cards. You can't get moments like that back.

I tried to fix him up with a girl named Tamara that I worked with. He was smitten. We double dated there first date. We went out dancing at a bar. Neither Shawn or Tamara dance, Scott and I tore up the dance floor. I remember us dancing to the cha-cha slide. Neither of us knowing what we were doing but giving it our best drunken try. We may not have been good but we were funny.  We always had fun. I know they dated a few more times after that. I don't know what ever happened to her.

In the end he ended up with a girl I had nothing to do with and didn't even like. She wasn't fun. Scott had a way of seeing the good in everyone. I now he really loved April and I am so happy for him that he found true love. Everyone should find there one true love in life.

These are moments that I will never get back with Scott but memories I will always hold close to my heart. I just hope that when my time here has ended, I will get to watch all of my memories unfold as if they were video taped. I am sure time spent with Scott will be among the most watched and some of my favorite.

With that I will let my memories of Scott rest. Hopefully one day I will be able to pull them out, dust them off and bask in the sunshine of them without the chill of missing him so much as I do now.

Scott

What a long sad, stressful 4 or 5 days. Thursday evening Shawn was late from work so I sat and watched the news waiting on him to call me back or answer his phone. I had seen there was a train/semi truck collision on one of the roads on his way home. I thought maybe that was the holdup. I started to really panic when at 6 I hadn't heard from him. Finally he called, sweet relief. I told him to drive careful and watch out for traffic when he hit Jordan because of all the rescue vehicles. I briefly told him what had happened. Little did I know that little bit of info I gave him would shake our family to the core and cause unbearable heartache and grief.

He made it home with only a small amount of time to spare before he had to eat and shower so he could be out the door to play poker for the evening. I had planned to go but decided to stay home to watch Earl on TV. That turned out to be a really good decision.

Ed and I were hanging out watching the 10 o'clock news. We were hoping to catch an update on the truck/train story in Jordan. I sent him upstairs for something, I don't even know what anymore. As he was bouncing back down the stairs, item in hand the story came on. I heard them say the 35 year old Jordan man was pronounced dead at the scene. The man has been identified as Scott Fahrenkamp. I could not believe my ears. I screamed oh my god, oh my god and went into hysterics. Ed couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and I couldn't catch my breath to tell him. I just laid my head on the dogs head and sobbed as if my heart were breaking, and in fact, it was.

Scott you see, was Shawn's cousin and one of my closest confidants. He helped me get through so many rough patches in my marriage. When I moved out here and didn't know a soul besides the family. He came into Perkins were I worked and had breakfast with me on my breaks at 3 a.m., I constantly tried to set him up with my girlfriends and spent many a night dancing the night away. Shawn, Me, Scott and whatever girl I had drug along for the night. One of my favorite memories of Scott was last Christmas. My mother in law tends to rub me the wrong way at times. She had that effect last year. I decided I needed to go for a drive. Scott noticed right away that I was gone and called and told me to meet him in the driveway. I pulled up and there was Scott. Big goofy grin on his face. He jumped in, picked up the bottle of champagne I had on the seat from the night before and opened it up. We sat in my truck in the driveway for hours drinking that bottle of Champagne and then moving on to a bottle of wine he found in the back seat. I don't even know what we talked about but he had a way of cheering me up and making me feel silly for being down in the first place. I went back into the house and was determined to not let my mother in law get me down. Scott was great that way.

The toughest thing I have ever had to do to date besides telling my Mom of the loss of my still born son was calling my husband at the bar where he was playing poker and telling him that the news story I had told him about earlier was Scott and that Scott was dead. Somehow I found the words. I felt so bad for Shawn but I know how he is, he's a tough guy and doesn't get to emotional. For the first time ever, I focused on me when someone died instead of trying to remain strong for everyone else and having a nervous breakdown months later.

Thursday night was a sleepless one. I tried to lay down but my memories would get the better of me. I finally dozed off around 4 and woke up to Scott's dad calling at 4:30 to make sure we had been contacted. ( I won't go into how he was notified or why we heard it on the news)

I gave up on sleep after that and crawled out of bed around 6. It was a rush to make flight reservations for my in-laws, contact all the family who hadn't been contacted yet and get my kids off for school. I tried to lay down for a nap around 10 but the ringing phone wouldn't allow it. When I walked into my girlfriends house at noon she point blank told me I looked like hell. You know that is a good friend when you ar insulted by her telling you how bad you look.

Friday night Shawn's aunt called to give me the funeral arrangement details and tell me what details she knew of the accident. I knew the semi had started on fire. In my fantasy world he was dead or unconscious before the cab started on fire. I would have been fine believing that little fantasy for the rest of my life. What I was told will cause me nightmares for years. 2 passers-by tried to get Scott out of the semi but were over come by intense heat and flames. They could hear him screaming inside of the truck and couldn't get to him. By time the fire department arrived he was gone. He had just filled the truck full of diesel, it took them 4 hours to put the blaze out.When they finally got it out there was next to nothing of him left to identify. They are still looking for dental records on him.

Saturday we picked my in-laws up from the airport and went to the tracks where he was hit. We just didn't understand, how did he not see the train? What we found was a blind crossing. Trees blocking the view of the tracks. He was pushed hundreds of feet down the tracks, over some bushes and up against the fence of a baseball field. The ground was all black and the bushes were burnt. It was heartbreaking.

Yesterday was the wake. We spent 5 hours at the funeral home. My girlfriend Sam went with, she had dated Scott at one point and remained close friends with him until the end. I was so glad she was there. We were a huge support to each other.

Today was the funeral. It was surreal. I was looking at a picture of Scott on the program in his jeans and t-shirt. I swear I could hear him telling me I should be in jeans, why was I crying? I should be laughing and drinking and celebrating him. I know that is what he wanted. Why we did the sad funeral dressed in black is beyond me.We should have had a party. He lived every day like it was his last party. I think I owe him one more. Sometime soon Sam and I will go sit in my truck in the driveway and drink a bottle of wine and laugh about what a character Scott was, maybe then I can let him go. For now he is still down the road and won't return my calls.

 

My baby is growing up!! Waaaa. Yesterday he shaved for the first time. I can hardly believe it. Seems like just yesterday that he pee'd in my hair when I gave him his first bath. Man time flies. (so did the pee back then)

My baby girl on the other hand is only four and is moving out. She came home last night from Keely's house and announced she was moving in with Keely. I said "oh yeah what brought this about" she replies "I was there so long I just have to move in". I forgot about it until she said she needed to go pack her clothes so she can move. Man oh man. I tell her "honey you can't move to Keely's, you live here with me". She cried as if her heart were breaking. She carried on for at least 20 minutes until I called Holly to see if Keely could spend the night Thursday night. Catastrophe ended.

Since I have the time off work Shawn and I have been working on finishing our basement. We finally have all of the hardwood flooring in, the wainscoting on the walls, shelf ledge about the wainscoting and all of the trim done. Now we just need to get the wall built for the laundry room and the ceiling up and we will be good. The best part of all of this is the time Shawn and I spend together. We always have a good time working on projects together. The best, best part is all of the shopping I have got to do. I was able to take a day trip to Ikea!!

I interviewed with the new management today. It went great. He said he has heard good things about me from everyone. He was impressed with all of my experience and asked me to train when they hire new people. Yay for me, that is more money an hour!! He also said to let him know when I want to train to bartend! I asked for that for 6 months and was never given the opportunity. I was also given the shifts I asked for. It went really well! I was hired on the spot but was told not to say anything because he has been telling everyone he would call and let them know after he got through all of his interviews. So all went well and I won't be jobless anymore. It's been a long week and a half for sure. I have way to much energy to be a stay at home mom.

On a more serious note a lady on a board I post on mentioned going to the gym and how she doesn't like to go because the skinny girls look at her funny. You know it's difficult being one of the skinny girls that the heavy girls glare at. You know they hate you. Is it fair for the heavy girls to despise the skinny girls? I mean it's not my fault that I was born with a high metabolism and the pride of self that motivates me to eat well and hit the gym from time to time to keep myself looking good. Do those heavy girls really hate us skinny girls or do they just hate themselves so much that it is easier to put their self loathing onto someone that reflects what they hate so much about themselves. No matter what I just want to put it out there that thin person discrimination exists just as much as fat person discrimination. The heavies look at the skinny's and think go eat a cheese burger. The skinny's look at the heavy's and think put down that cheeseburger. Seems everyone always wants what they don't have. Such is life I suppose.

My dog needs a pedicure and my boobs are okay!

This adorable little mutt caused me a panic attack and an allergy attack last night!! Shawn and I are finishing our basement which means everything from two rooms down there is crammed into one room. The one room being the laundry room. I heard my little man whimper then yelp. He never does either. He was frantically trying to get out from under the debris all over the laundry room but wasn't able to move because his back legs no longer worked. Now Shawn has had this old man since before we got together and the dog liking me was the ultimate test before Shawn could get serious with me. Let's just say I am very attached to the old guy. I immediately dropped everything in my hands which included a paint brush full of stain onto our newly installed hard wood floor and ran over to see what was up. My first thought was holy shit something fell on him and either both of his back legs are broken or his back is broken. That prompted me to scream in panic for Shawn to hurry because something was seriously wrong with Deeogee. Shawn came running, took one look and said "oh f#&k, oh f#&k!" which prompted me to tears. After a careful look he assessed that he had the claws from both back paws and a front paw wrapped up in grid like piece of metal from one of the kids shelves. I ran for the clippers while Shawn tried to hold Deeogee still. No such luck. He wouldn't hold still and I couldn't find the dog clippers. He yells forget it get the tin snips out of the garage. This is where my blondness comes in. I yell back that he can't cut the dogs nails with tin snips because he would cut to deep and make him bleed. I almost had that out when it occurred to me that he could cut the shelf. Duh!! Deeogee was in a full blown panic by time I got back. He was trying to bite at Shawn while he was trying to free him, which is so uncharacteristic of him. All I could think is our poor old guy was going to have a heart attack and die before Shawn could free him, so I did what I knew would calm him. Even though it caused me a major allergy attack. I started cooing to him and rubbing my face on his. It took 10 minutes from start to finish to free him but my face itched for hours. Oh well my baby is safe and sound. After he was rescued he promptly ran for his spot on the couch and could only be coaxed down with a bribe of fresh turkey in gravy that I made for dinner yesterday. After his snack he went back to the couch and looked and me like he wanted to know where the heck his blankie was. I covered him up and he stayed on the couch all night watching the action in the living room. He still hasn't been back down stairs.

I went to the doctor today to have my left breast checked out. I was having a greenish colored discharge from my nipple. Thank god it is nothing! I have a major sinus infection that is infecting my entire body. She scheduled an ultra sound just to be safe but is confident that when I am done with my antibiotic the green will be yellow again lol. Here's hoping she is right.

Skylee needs her kindergarten shots as well so she got them today. 5 shots into her tiny little legs. Poor baby, her legs are so stiff and sore. I gave her a bath earlier and some pain medicine. She is now sleeping on the couch between me and the dog. I hope she feels better tomorrow. Shots are a hated thing.

Saturday was a really hard day for me. It was my last night at work with my current co-workers and management. I really hope I am hired back at the end of the month along with everyone else and we can all be a crew again.  Shawn came and picked me up from work, the bartender forgot to ring up all of our drinks that night so there is no way I could have drove. We went over to some friends of his for a poker party. It was awesome!!! Shawn won $120 and I won $15 lol. I am becoming a poker addict. I can't wait until the end of January. Shawn plays in the state poker tournie so I will hit a few tables of my own lol.

Anyway that is about it. I am surprised by the new readers. I don't know how you found me but I am happy you did. Leave me a link so I can check out your journal. I am also a blog addict!!

I wish everyone a happy, healthy and prosperous '06!!