From Sissy With Love

Sis,

Today you are taking a sacred vow to love honor and cherish, 'til death do you part. That's a huge step in life.

I am very proud of you little sister. I am very proud you discovered who you are and you never listened to anyone tell you that you were wrong. You stood up for your heart and are doing what you believe is right. I couldn't be more proud of you.

I had planned to give you all sorts of advice today. You don't need it. You have always carved your own path in life and have done a good job for yourself. Wait, I change my mind. I do have some advice. Today, curl your hair, put on some makeup. Look pretty, feel pretty. You are pretty. Oh and wear a dress for the love of God!

I am sad I can't be with you on your wedding day. Please put my picture on a chair like you promised to do and know that I am with you in spirit. I love you sis!

Love,

Sissy

PS. You were so fucking cute when you were a kid!

PPS. At least I have an ass!

Even More PS's. Tell Jessi I said welcome to the family. I love her too!

This Old House

Yesterday was such a great success. Thanks again to Irish for hangin' out on my blog for a day!

Because yesterday was a picture repeat, today I give you two for the price of one!

These were taken this Wednesday. Hubs and I went out with the singular goal of a photo shoot down at the falls. The falls were a dud so we did a drive around to see what I could come up with. This old house sits at the edge of a state park. It is really a lovely property and is very well taken care of. I had pictures of this house taken this past summer when everything is lush and green. Unfortunately that file was lost. I don't know where it went and I looked on all my computers and my removable hard drive. It just vanished into thin air. I guess that gives me the opportunity to take a drive out there and try again if we ever come out the other end of this never ending winter.

In other news The Bean got glasses yesterday. She looks absolutely adorable and maybe Sunday I will post a picture of her cuteness for all to see.

*Click on the pictures!

Max Headroom is in the Hizzow!

Summer to Winter: The Flower and the Web

The Spider did not see the Pheasant, as the Pheasant plucked it from the Flower.
The Pheasant did not see the Hunter, as the Hunter raised his rifle.
The Hunter did not see the cracks in the ice, as they split beneath him.
In the Silence after, the Flower and the Web nodded. They had seen it all.

Only they remain, waiting for Summer and all new things.

This beautiful piece of prose was written by the incredibly talented Irish Gumbo. Like I said yesterday, I am unbelievably honored to have the opportunity to collaborate with him.

So, go! go! go! Tell him how talented he is!

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You

So I have a couple of options here...

A) Pretend I totally meant to promise all of you that I had something huge for you today when really I don't. I just wanted to mind fuck you.

B) Fess up that I have no idea what damn day of the week it is nor do I have any idea that Thursday isn't the day after Tuesday.

I think I will go with option B and throw in an option C that says I have had a huge honor bestowed upon me. The incredibly talented Turkey Sandwhich Guy AKA Irish Gumbo wants to do a collaborative piece with me. Me! I have only been reading his blog for a few weeks but he has quickly shot to the top as one of my favorite blog reads. He is funny and talented and honest and real. Quite frankly I think his writing is genius. It is really an honor to have him look at one of my photos and be inspired enough by it to wax poetic.

So, tomorrow we will both be posting a collaborative piece on our blogs. I am super excited to be given the opportunity to be showcased on his blog! I am even more excited to share his brilliant writing with all of you! So stop by his blog and show him some comment love and come back tomorrow to read his brilliance!

The Plague

I feel like shit. Waaahaaa. I'm hot and cold and hot again. I didn't sleep well. Wah wah wah. I don't feel like writing, at all. I only feel like sleeping. Here is your daily dose of cuteness.

Tune in tomorrow for something BIG! You won't be disappointed. I swear.

An Army of One

This kid right here has caused me a numerous amount of headaches and grief. He has also caused me immeasurable amounts of joy and pride.



Saturday morning he solemnly swore to support and defend the constitution. A promise he has yearned to make since he was a small boy. I really couldn't be any more proud of him.

The boy holding his celebratory cheesecake

The Flower and the Web

This one was taken down in the river bottom while I was waiting for the tow truck.

I love that all these months into winter there are still remnants of a spider web left.

Like always, click for the full effect.

Phatty the Pheasant

Here he is. Phatty the Pheasant. Click on the picture to see the details in his feathers and the beautiful blue color of his head. This guy is the pheasant pimp. I have never seen a more beautiful bird!

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Stupidity is hilarious when you are the stupid one.

During the warm months when I am stressed out, pissed off or just need some alone time I take myself down to the river to think things through. The place is incredibly beautiful. I am a nature girl at heart and to me there is nothing as soothing as watching the water rush over rocks and broken tree limbs. Yesterday all I had in mind was much needed photo therapy.

I drove out of town a bit to get some shots of a beautiful old barn sitting on the outskirts of the woods. I shot some photos, drove out of the woods and circled around to go back and take some more shots from a different angle. Sitting directly in front of the barn on the edge of the road was the most gorgeous pheasant I have ever seen outside of a painting. He was big and fat and almost looked like someones pet. He stood still for a bit and I fired off a few shots before he ran in front on my car and into the bush. He then proceeded to pose for me. I swear it was as if God himself KNEW I needed photo therapy. I got a few fabulous shots that I will post tomorrow.

I rushed home super excited to show Shawn the hunter the shots I took. Much different than the shots he would have taken. I begged him to go back out with me to take some more photos. He asked where I wanted to go and I immediately thought of how beautiful the river bottoms would be. So that's where we went.

This is a very valuable lesson I am going to teach you here dear readers. If you are in Minnesota and it is winter do not, I repeat do not trust the look of snow. If it looks plowed and packed and there are snowmobile tracks everywhere, it is an illusion. You will spend hours stuck in the river bottom without ever breaking your camera out.

Doesn't look very deep does it? The passenger side front wheel was buried

We pushed and rocked. Gained inches and lost feet. I seriously worried at some point that Shawn would either have a heart attack or break a blood vessel in his brain trying to get us pushed out. I thought I would have a stroke trying to figure out why everyone I know actually has to work during the day. Then as if the clouds broke and the sun shone down on me I realized we have Triple A. Duh!

The tow driver gave us tons of shit for even considering to drive down there. Apparently he pulled a 4 wheel drive truck out of there last week. My Saturn didn't stand a chance in hell but at least Shawn and I had a good laugh over how stupid we were to venture down there.

Being hauled up from the river bottoms

All Hail the Internet

Taken after a March snowstorm

I really need to get out today and find something to take photos of. I am reaching far back into the reserves today. I haven't felt very inspired lately but I decided I need to grab my life by the balls and take charge. Today I am going to actively look for photo opportunities even if they are only in my own yard.

Jim from Irregularly Periodic Ruminations mentioned to me today how amazing it is when we connect through blogs by sharing similar experiences. That got me to thinking just how amazing the internet really is. Ten years ago I had barely jumped on the internet band wagon. Twenty years ago I don't even know if I knew there was an internet.

Nearly eight years ago I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. I was scared beyond belief, believing we were done having children I found myself pregnant. Just recently moved to Minnesota I had no family of my own here beyond Shawn and the children. He has family out here but they are scattered everywhere and we really only see them on holidays. For all intents and purposes I was here nearly alone and pregnant. Then if by chance I stumbled upon an AOL hosted message board for pregnant Mothers due in December '01. Those women turned out to be the support system I so desperately needed. I could turn to them with questions and get real life honest advice. I could lean on them if I needed support and I found in them friendships I desperately needed during the time of transition after I uprooted myself and my family from the only home I had ever known and transplanted all of us twelve hours away from where I really wanted to be. I was desperately depressed at that time and I believe those women saved my life.

As in real life friendships grow, change and some die. I have lost touch with many of the women I cherished all those years but there are three of them I could never let go of. Candice, Carolyn, Melissa and I have never met in person but those three are among my closest friends. I don't believe there is anything I couldn't tell any one of them or anything I couldn't ask any one of them for that they wouldn't go out of their way to try and do for me.

Candice had cancer a few years back but she is a fighter and she beat the hell out of it. We have watched Melissa start a home based business and cheered her on every step of the way. We have laughed and cried with Carolyn and her joys and struggles to raise EIGHT children all the while suffering from a life sucking disease.

Fifteen years ago I would have never had the opportunity to "meet" these three women that I can't imagine having in my life. So I agree with Jim. It really is amazing.

No Clever Title Needed

Taken in Wisconsin

Cat says it reminds her of the animal pictures with the big distorted noses

I am generally a huge sharer of things. Maybe I over share. Sometimes I start talking and I just cannot shut up no matter how hard I try to force myself. You want to know what I had for breakfast? No? Well its really fascinating and I'll tell you anyway. I am strange like that. Maybe it comes from being home all day with only one other adult to talk to. Sometimes speaking with him is like speaking with a child anyway so most days he doesn't even count as another adult. So its true that I over share sometimes but most of the time I am a really private person. If I'm not sharing things with you there is a reason. Like I think its none of your business or I don't feel like talking about it at the time. Most of the time I just like my privacy and lately there has been a breach in the security. I feel like any and all privacy I have ever had and always cherished has been stripped away and every facet of my life has been exposed without my permission. Sometimes I feel like I am being pushed into insanity and sometimes I feel like I have already lost my mind. What I know I have lost is my ability to speak freely about whatever I chose to, be it on my blog, in a phone call to my Mother or my friends or just sitting around bullshitting with my husband. I need my privacy people. Any suggestions on how I can get it back?

Shaving the Bush

Skylee showing off the fact she is taller than the neighbors fence

when she stands on the snow drift

Today is the day I and many other Americans and citizens of the world have dreamt of for 8 years. For millions of other Americans it is the day they have spent hundreds of years dreaming of.

Goodbye Mr. Bush. Welcome President Obama.

Chantix Diary

So I am done taking Chantix. What a horrible experience.

I spoke with the pharmacist this morning. She explained that although the side effects I have been experiencing are documented as known side effects they aren't by any means usual. She said the drug is definitely not for me. I need to see my doctor because the side effects I am experiencing may not go away without treatment. In other words the depression and anxiety may linger. That part really pisses me off. I didn't even take this drug an entire week and it may have lasting effects. My conclusion is Chantix is dangerous and should be monitored a bit better.



For the person who suggested I google FDA and Chantix thank you! I found a ton of info that was very useful and very scary. To the person who lost their daughter I am so very sorry. Thank you for sharing her story.



Chris I read Sky your comment for her. She thought it was very cool and ran off to tell her siblings that she got her very own comment! Thanks for that.

For the rest of you, thanks for bearing with me this last week. Hopefully the side effects will soon subside and I will be back to blowing sunshine up all your asses very soon! :)


EDIT: I did a google search on why Chantix was making me itch to make sure it didn't have anything to do with my liver. Here is something interesting I found.
http://forums.about.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?nav=messages&webtag=ab-quitsmoking&tid=57502

Cold Baby

Yesterday I forced myself to try and be a normal Mom again after the Chantix hell week. I went out and played with Sky in the snow. Since it has been so cold here the snow is crumbly and not the kind you make snowmen out of. This is the small amount of snow we found that was suitable to make a snowman, a baby snowman. Sky was very proud of our creation so I wanted to share with all of you.

Chantix Diary Day 6

Thank you to everyone for the advice on yesterday's post. I took my pill last night and felt like hell. I woke up several times in a panic so I made the decision today to not take any more pills until I discuss with my pharmacist the side effects I am experiencing. I decided to speak with him instead of my doctor because I am guessing he will have more knowledge of the drugs ingredients and side effects.
It is true Chantix did help me to cut out at least 15 cigarettes per day but at what cost? One reader said a year later he is still having side effects. I don't want to have to worry about that considering how much it has messed with me in less than a week.
I was a wreck last night when I posted the update and forgot to add the all over itchiness I am having, it isn't just a vague itchiness it is a deep down scratch myself raw itchiness, especially on my face and head. I also neglected to write about the facial ticks, uncontrollable head jerks and the feeling I can only describe as a low voltage amount of electricity running through my brain. Very weird.
So, I am taking a hiatus from Chantix. It may be permanent, maybe not. All I know is that I am convinced if I continue on with it unchecked it will do serious damage.
Today I am still dealing with most of these effects and haven't even had a dose for nearly 24 hours. I sort of feel like I have been thrown into a chemically induced depression. My teenager lost his phone in the bottom of the lake this afternoon. It completely ruined my day and I sobbed for at least 2 hours straight. A week ago I would have told him "Your loss buddy, you still have to pay the bill". So not worth freaking out on myself, my son and my husband about.

Red Rain

This picture was taken in Washington in the middle of November. It was fascinating to me that back here in Minnesota everything was already bare. In Washington it was like I was getting a second fall. Very cool. Click on the picture and look at the awesome rain drop details.

Chantix Diary Day 5

This day has been AWFUL. I may need to break up with Chantix. I cannot live through another day like today or another night like last night.
Let's start with last night. I took my night dose for the first time. Immediately I felt like it was a mistake. Within 15 minutes I felt like complete and total shit. I almost felt like I had taken a pain killer. I had that goofy out of it feeling. I also could not sleep for shit. I took the pill and went to bed at 11 pm. It was 2:30 am the last time I looked at the clock.
This morning I took the pill around 11. By 11:30 I was in the grips of the mother load of anxiety attacks. My heart was racing, I was sweating, stomach cramps, and that general feeling of sheer panic for no reason. It was so bad I almost asked Shawn to take me to urgent care. I literally had to reason with myself and tell myself I wasn't dying and nothing bad was going to happen. That went on for nearly an hour.
I feel like I haven't been thinking clearly for several days now. I constantly feel shaky and full of panic. I would rather quit turkey and do this with a coherent mind than continue to feel the way I am now. Tonight I am not taking the night dose. Tomorrow morning I will take the morning dose and Monday I plan on calling my doctor. This drug is hell.
Oh by the way cigarettes have tasted like ass all day and I think I have had 6 the entire day. I would have been close to a pack in by now. I understand some of the side effects I am having stem from the nicotine being blocked from my body but I have been having problems since day one.
For those who have taken this drug, what are your thoughts?

Wake Me Up This Spring

It seems that the entire country is in a deep freeze. Most blogs I read are bitching about the cold. Although it is 20 degrees here today I am still dreaming of warmer days.

This is one of my favorite photos taken in Wisconsin last summer. I have this one printed and framed. I love all it suggests.

Chantix Diary Day 4

Tonight I start taking the pills in the evening as well as the morning so I will be on the full therapeutic dose. We shall see how it goes from there.
I have noticed a few things I'd like to note here for future reference. If I take the pill closer to noon the side effects don't kick my ass as bad. I was busy this morning and didn't take the pill until 1 pm. I had no ill side effects at all today. No brain fog or stomach ache. I was super crabby but I blame that on my husband who lives to push my buttons and roll the dice to see if he can make it through the day without a butcher knife sticking out of his back.
I also noticed that most of the times I smoked today I felt like I was smoking out of habit and boredom instead of real want or need. If I didn't think about it I could go hours without smoking. I have been really paying attention the last few days to the triggers that make me want to smoke. Number one is whenever Shawn opens his mouth and says something stupid, it instantly sends me running down the stairs to smoke just so I don't beat him to a pulp. Other triggers are eating, talking on the phone, getting in the car after shopping. So, shit I still have to do every day and can't cut out even to get through the next few weeks. Any of you quitters (winners!) have any suggestions for me? Something I can keep in my car, bathroom, office, living room and every where else any of these triggers may occur? What worked for you?

Wisconsin Dreaming

Every August Cat, I and the Misters head to a gorgeous lake in Wisconsin for an end of summer blow out. It is such a beautiful place and our hosts are the most wonderful people I have ever met. I can't tell you any stories because what happens in Wisconsin stays in Wisconsin. I will tell you, whenever Claudia (our hostess) introduces us to her friends as the Rock the Dockers I bow my head sheepishly. We are legendary.

Chantix Diary Day 3

I really don't have all that much to post but I want to be able to look back here and track my progress. No crazy side effects today really accept for the foggy brain thing, some tiredness and a mild headache. I haven't noticed any insane dreams beyond the ones I usually have. Shawn said I have been talking in my sleep more and grinding my teeth more if that is even possible. I also have a stomach ache that feels like I haven't eaten in days. Thank goodness for Corn Nuts and sunflower seeds.
I don't have any idea if the Chantix is having any effect at all. Cigarette's still taste awesome and I still want to smoke, we'll see what happens in a few days when I am on the therapeutic dose.

A Touch of Spring

Way back in October I dug several of my tropical plants up, potted them and and brought them indoors so they had a snowballs chance in hell at surviving the winter. Yesterday morning my Hibiscus bloomed as if it were saying "fuck you negative temperatures". This one little bloom gives me hope that I have a snowballs chance in hell at surviving the negative 21 I woke up to this morning.

Chantix Diary Day 2

Today is night and day from yesterday. I don't know if I was just having a horrible day or if it actually had something to do with the drug. Today I feel a bit foggy and spacey but not at all crabby or weepy.

Most of the commenter's yesterday told me not to stop smoking. I have not, I repeat have not quit smoking. The Chantix website says to set your quit date for 8 days after you begin the drug but all of the research I have done basically says if you stop that soon you are just setting yourself up for frustration and failure. Since this is only day 2 I will wait a few days and see how it goes before I decide on a quit date. Yesterday was not that day.

I have Yoga tonight and I feel like I really need it. I have a bunch of toxic crap stuck in my brain this week that I really feel like I need to purge. Nothing better than the downward dog to spit that shit out!

Crisp and Cold

Since this is the week of bitter cold temps I haven't really felt much like leaving the house.

This picture when blown up to full size is stunning. You can see the detail in the ice crystals. Right now I am dreaming of spring flowers, green grass, chirping birds, long walks and bike rides but most of all I am dying to get on my lawn mower and breathe in the aroma of fresh mowed grass. I have broken out a bunch of spring scented Yankee tarts trying to pretend these 35 below wind chills don't exist.

Chantix Diary Day 1

So I am all of a few hours into taking the Chantix and literally feel like I am swimming in fog.
I am weepy and cranky and paranoid as hell. Since I only joke about being paranoid this is unusual for me. Like I am thinking about sweeping my house for bugs paranoid. Crankiness is usual for me. That's my MO but the weepiness IS NOT! I am not a crier AT ALL. I think crying is for sissies and babies and unless shit is really fucked I just don't do it.
So that is where we stand. I tried Prozac once and this feels exactly like that did. I plan to give it a day or 2 and see what happens but judging by today I would rather just quit cold turkey.
I warned Shawn to hold onto his hat, this may be a bumpy ride.
I will update later if this shit warrants it.
oh shiznit, I forgot to mention the fidgeting and vague itchiness.
There a few comments saying I'm not supposed to quit smoking on the first day. I'm not sure where you guys got the idea I did. I am still smoking. This feeling like shit thing comes purely from taking the chantix.

I Really Can't Stay (Baby It's Cold Outside)

Yesterday brought a mini blizzard to most of Minnesota. Having cabin fever I just had to get out with my camera. These are a few of what I ended up with. The barn picture I plan to tweak a bit so i can blow it up poster sized and frame it.

This morning I woke up to a negative 18 air temp. I don't care who you are, that is cold!

I don't have much to write about yet this morning but I did want to thank everyone for the comments on my post about Scott. Every one's kind words meant a lot to me. He was really a great guy and I'm glad that came through in my post.

Stay warm out there peeps!

Today I am wearing a fake diamond ring

It's Sunday night and I am sitting here trying to decide how many details I want to post for tomorrow's entry. See, tomorrow is a huge day in my life, a monumental day, a day that may have altered my future and made me see things in a sadder light. Tomorrow is the 3 year anniversary of the death of one of the biggest hearted, most wonderful, giving, loving, funny, outspoken and crazy men I have ever known in my life.
Scott wasn't just my husbands cousin or any other family member. He was all the things I listed above and more to me. He was my confidant, my counselor, my advisor, the angel and the devil on my shoulders. I loved him and I miss him. Three years after that horrible day the pain is still fresh. His voice is still fresh in my mind. His silliness will be with me forever along with every other gift he ever gave to my soul. Mere words can never express just how much I leaned on him and what he meant in my life.
So on the eve of the anniversary of his death I won't write about how he died. I choose to remember how he lived. He wasn't his death, he was his life and I plan to remember the light he was, not how he was stolen away. Rest in peace my dear friend and know you will never be forgotten or truly gone. You live on inside of my heart and the hearts of all who ever knew you.

Note: For those who are interested click here--->
http://desperateconfessionsofahousewife.blogspot.com/2006/01/scott.html

http://desperateconfessionsofahousewife.blogspot.com/2006/02/memories.html

I also have another entry on my myspace blog but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to import those posts to blogger. Re reading this entry this morning I decided to copy here the piece that was written in my myspace blog since I can't just link to it.

Scott died on 1/12/06.
Friday the 13th of 2006 was one of the absolute saddest days of my life. I cannot read what I wrote in the days following his death without choking up, still. I loved Scott immensely. He was one of my best friends. I miss him every day.
Saturday is the 2 year anniversary of Scott's death. Last year I took flowers to the spot where he died. When I am there I can feel him all around me. He is in the wind, the smell of the air, the crunch of my footsteps on the snow. Although I know he is no longer here anymore I hold him a little closer to my heart when I am there, the place he took his last breath. This year I'm not sure if I will be delivering flowers and making my visit. In so many ways it does my heart good to be there, to feel him near me, to speak into the wind all of the things I want to say. But in so many other ways I feel like when I am there no time has passed, my heart still aches. I just want to know when it gets better? Does it?
The very last time I saw Scott alive was a few weeks before his death. I ran into him at the grocery store. I had this fabulous fake diamond on. Massive and incredibly gawdy. Scott grabbed my hand, looked at the ring and exclaimed Shawn must have got a raise. He was joking and we had a huge laugh. I wish I could remember if we hugged when I left the aisle he was in but I don't recall. Anyway, now when ever I am really missing him and need to feel him close to him I put on the ring. Something I know he touched.
To bad I can't just reach in and grab my heart.

Emo Dog Pierces Nose

I rarely talk about my husbands dog here because she is really a sore spot between he and I. I think she is dumb and messy and her fur everywhere pisses me off. If you have ever lived with a lab you know that the copious amounts of hair everywhere is quite difficult to live with. Try being allergic to long haired dogs and it becomes hellish to live with a lab. Have I mentioned how stupid she is? She is the stereotypical dumb blond of dogs. I really have no use for her and it is sad because it isn't her fault she is dumber than a box of rocks and sheds like mad.
I get fed up with all the fur everywhere from time to time and in a fed up rage decide she needs shaved. I tried it at home once and ruined a pair of clippers so I decided to take her to the groomers one day. The groomer ended up causing a hot spot that nearly killed the dog this spring. Briefly I felt empathy for her and babied her for a few months. Big fucking mistake. Now she thinks she can do what she wants around here including taking over the family room furniture and covering it with fur.
This morning she was being typical bad dog and went poking around in Shawn's fishing supplies. The result is what you see in the photo above. She ended up with a neon green fish hook stuck in the soft part of her nostril. She won't hold still and it can't be fully removed. Shawn said it will rust and come out. I think the rust will kill her so tomorrow will be the argument if we should or shouldn't take her to the vet and have it removed. We can't afford it with Shawn being laid off but I can't watch the stupid bitch be in pain either. I will probably win the argument and then a new one will start over why in the hell we have the worlds dumbest dog. I know the answer already, because my husband is about as bright as his so called hunting dog.

Chantix Dreams and Vodka Hangovers

And so it begins....
I have been warned about the various side effects but the one I am really concerned about is the vivid dreams. I already have dreams that are so incredibly real that at times I have to get out of bed and walk around to shake it off. Be prepared to hear some crazy stories over the next few weeks.

Crack Pot

On last nights episode of 'My Name is Earl' Joy lost Crab Man's pet turtle, Mr. Turtle. She was bringing him to the Crab Shack for Crab Man to bathe in the dishwasher. She sat him atop her car, got distracted and took off with Mr. Turtle still hanging out on top. As she rounded a corner Mr. Turtle slid off the car and on to the ground. As soon as he started to slide I gasped audibly. He hit the ground and landed on his back with his little turtle feet kicking in the air. Immediately I start bitching to Shawn how that wouldn't be the case. Mr. turtle would hit the ground, his shell would crack and he would be dead. Shawn gave me the look, you know, the one that says "You are insane woman, it's just a show". I shut up and continued to watch the show. Joy didn't have the heart to tell Crab Man she lost his beloved turtle and got a replacement turtle for him. It ended up with Joy telling the truth of losing the turtle and a shot of Mr. Turtle trying to make his way back home.That is bullshit too, my sweet little Blade escaped and didn't ever come back.

I spent weeks looking around the retention ponds near our house looking for any sign of my run away turtle with absolutely no luck. I looked a bit this summer too. You never know. I never was a turtle lover, I never even gave them a second look until my oldest son showed up one hot summer day holding a painted turtle with the most wicked looking claws I have ever seen up close. The story goes...Ed wiped out on his bike and nearly dropped the handle bar on this poor wild turtle hanging out near the curb, dangerously close to the road. Ed, unlike me, has always wanted a turtle. He picked the little guy up, brought him home and begged to keep him. I didn't have a clue what to do with this thing and it is quite amazing it lived through the first 24 hours. I had no idea that painted turtles are aquatic. Blade lived in our dry bath tub over night before I did a google search and learned a bit about turtle care. I ignored the parts that said under no circumstances should you attempt to keep a wild turtle. We had a small pond in our front flower bed that we had decorative fish in. I guess I didn't realize that the turtle would instantly snack on our pet fish. I had to give him the talk about fish being friends not food. For some reason he didn't listen. In the first year or so after adopting Blade I learned a whole plethora of information regarding aquatic turtle care. Blade not only lived, he thrived. The next summer I dug out the small pond and replaced it with an 80 gallon pond. I taught Blade to surface every morning when I would tap on the side of the pond. He would pop his little head up out of the water, I would tell him good morning and he would turn his head sideways as if he were listening to me. I was more than enamored with him. We ended up having him for 3 winters and 4 summers before he one day disappeared out of our pond. I was beside my friend and literally felt as if I lost my best friend. I couldn't live without a turtle. I don't even think I would know how. Blade became that much of a part of my life.

I called the pet shop and ordered a new painted turtle. The day I went to pick him up they also had itty bitty red ear sliders. I picked one of them up too. I did kill her. I think she was sick when I got her. I however didn't kill Turts. He has grown and thrived. The pond out front is now just for fish and plants. No turtles will ever live there again because I can't bear to lose another one. Turts visits a few hours a day in the summer when I am in the yard and can keep an eye on him.

This summer I nearly ran over a small female painted turtle. I stopped in the middle of the road and backed up traffic to rescue her. She is at home with Turts. They are the best of friends and a constant source of entertainment for our family. I went from knowing nothing about turtles to being highly educated about them and I could never imagine my life not being full of my little hard shelled babies.Earl ended with an announcement saying no turtles were harmed in the making of this episode so please no letters crack pots. Yep, that's me. Turtle crack pot.

Oh the pain

I have mentioned here several times that I am/was a dancer. Last night I started my hip/hop class followed immediately by a Yoga class. Lord have mercy. My old body can't take it ad even my fingers hurt. I had planned to tell a whole story today but I just can't sit still for more than 2 minutes. My muscles start to spasm and lock up. I fear my kids will find me petrified in this spot some 7 hours from now if I don't keep moving.

Today's picture looks exactly how I feel. Dead. Stiff. Cold.

WTF?

Why is it that when I'm bullshitting with my husband or friends I can articulate my thoughts perfectly but when it is someone I need to impress, say like a banker I come off sounding like I was born with 12 toes and raised by wolves?

Effing Cold!

I tried to go outside this morning to get a few shots for today's post. I wanted a picture of a hibiscus tree covered in snow that I didn't rescue from the cold in time only my deck door was frozen shut. I yanked and yanked. Nothing. I beat on the frame and yanked some more. Finally it gave and opened. I got my shot but it sucked. On to my next mark. An areal shot of my frozen pond. Fucking window won't open. Frozen. I whip myself into a panic wondering what would happen in a fire. We would all be trapped inside the house due to everything being frozen closed, just about then it occurred to me, the ice would melt due to the extreme temperatures. Yep, I am a bit slow.

The window wouldn't budge so I threw on the Uggs and ventured 5 feet out the front door for today's shots. It is so flippin' cold I was afraid my camera wouldn't work upon re-entry. My fingers certainly didn't. This is what you get today Internet. Stay warm and if you live in Florida, California or any other warm climate you can kiss my ass and then invite me over for a visit.

Enjoy in Moderation? Ha!

Lately this is all that gets me through. I did go through a dry stretch for awhile where I hardly drank anything at all. Recently I jumped back on the wagon. Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's the stress. Life is just much better with with wine these days. Enjoy!

Crazy Lights

Saturday night before the big poker game our girls participated in a dance show at our local high school. The Varsity, Junior Varsity and Junior High dance squads participated as well as dancers from a day camp the high schooler's taught and 2 dance companies from our town.

The Varsity dance team was unbelievable. I have a dance background and have some idea what it takes to choreograph a dance and all the hard work that goes into performing. I can't begin to count the number of times I was in awe watching those girls. They knew their shit.

The last number of the night was done completely in the dark with glow sticks in hand. It was a sight to see and one of those moments that made me yearn for a better camera. The photo you are getting today is my lame ass attempt at catching the magic of the show.

Poker Sucks

At one point Shawn and I were very much into playing texas hold 'em. I am embarrassed to admit how much time, money and energy we spent on playing that damn game. When our built in baby sitter, aka oldest son moved out we decided it wasn't really even worth paying a sitter to play and quite frankly we were burnt out on the donkey players in our league among other things. So, I quite directing tournaments, we stopped playing and life became so much calmer and devoid of jackass people in our lives. Until recently when our built in babysitter moved back.

After a year and a half we had forgot about the donkey players and the rude fucking people who plague or league. We jumped back in last Sunday night. Sitting at the table I did a few eeeyaaa's when some jack ass would play like a donkey. All in great fun. Then there were the people who got pissed when they were taken out by much better cards than they had. I heard a ton of "I can't believe you played that". Really jackass? I mean some of these people have been playing in the league for 3 plus years. They still don't realize they aren't in Vegas at the WSOP. That night on our way home I looked at hubby and told him all of that bullshit is exactly why I stopped playing. Too late though. We had already accepted an invitation to a home game last night. Don't get me wrong. Shawn is great friends with the hosts of the game. I honestly like most of the people who played there last night. They are among the best of the players I have ever played against BUT there were some donkeys there too and some flat out bitches and cocksuckers. Eventually I was knocked out of the game and hey you all know me. I don't pass up and opportunity to take photos. Immediately people are bitching about the flash. Suck it fuckers I wanted to say but I didn't. Then I hear Jesus Christ, enough is enough. Are you fucking kidding me you uppity old bitch. My tiny little flash is worthy of you breaking out the JC? About 2 minutes after that I gave Shawn the look and quickly exited stage left. Some people are such jack fucks. I don't plan on playing again anytime soon. People piss me right the fuck off! EEEEYAAAA!

The Trouble With Smoking

I heard a news story today about how they changed the paper on cigarettes so if they aren't puffed on they go out. Its a new safety feature or some shit. But it got me thinking on what great blog material I had here and how you all can be my personal cheerleaders.

I started smoking when I was 13 years old. I am 33 now. After 20 years I think its time to give it up. I am sure I started for all the same reasons any teenager starts smoking. They think its cool, it helps them fit in. You know, peer pressure bullshit. After 20 years I want to quit for all the same reasons most adults want to quit.

It smells. I hate the smell on my clothes, in my hair, on my breath. I am quite sure my poor husband gags every night when crawl into bed after my bedtime smoke.

My teeth look like hell. Years of coffee, soda, red wine and cigarettes have taken their toll on my pearly yellows. I have to have a ton of dental work done in the next few months including replacing some old veneers. I cannot have super white veneers mixed in with yellow smoke stained teeth. I just can't. If I succeed at quitting I can use all the money I save to bleach the hell out of my teeth so they are pretty white again.

One night this summer while we were on vacation in Wisconsin we were playing a drinking game along the lines of 20 questions. When it was Shawn's turned he asked my when I planned to stop. I know it's an innocent question but he had those puppy dog eyes when he asked. The memory of those puppy dog eyes have stayed with me.

I smoke a pack a day easily. More if I am super stressed so you can all imagine I have been hitting it hard since I've been dealing with my Dad's house. When I think about the fact I spend roughly $5 a day for 365 days a year that is a grand total of 1825.00 a year. Do you have any idea how many Coach handbags I could buy with that kind of money? In 2 years I could buy a hot tub to go on the deck we built especially for a hot tub and never actually equipped it with said warm and relaxing. I know it is unlikely I will actually put $5 a day away but maybe I could open up a savings account and just move $35 a week over.

The big kicker, the reason among reasons, the hail mary of reasons I want to quit is 2 fold. Number one my kids. I know they are breathing the shit somehow and it isn't good for them at all. Hannah and Ed both have asthma and cigarette smoke is just about the number one worst thing for them to breath. Not to mention the long term effects on all of them including the hubby.

Number 2 is myself. Did I mention my kids inherited their asthma from me? Yeah. I am also worried about cancer and emphysema. My Grandma Fritz died of emphysema when I was 14. It was awful to see my wonderful Grandma struggling to breath. Constantly hooked to an oxygen machine. I want to be there for my Grand kids for as long as I can. I don't want to leave them before they are 16 or god forbid before they are ever even born. I want to watch my kids grow up and have babies. So, it is in my best interest to throw this 20 year habit out the window.

I know it won't be easy. I smoked through half of my developmental years. I don't think I will know how to act without a cigarette between my fingers but I am determined to learn. I love the feeling of lighting up a cigarette and taking that first drag. The taste of the first drag is indescribable but I hear you can actually start tasting food again once you quit so maybe I can become addicted to the taste of garlic. Mmmmm garlic.

Quit date: February 1

What this blog does

So for some dumb reason I got it in my head last night that my blog URL needed to match my blog name. Seriously? I didn't for a second think of any of the reprocussions of changing it. Even the obvious ones like say, no one will no where I went and ones like, I will have to go back and add every single blog I read into my blog roll. Maybe I can blame it on being hung over? Yeah that's it. I am going to blame being hung over. When I am hung over I can't think straight.

I normally walk around with my camera in my hand or close enough I can get to it within 10 seconds and hopefully not miss any desired shots. This decision to post 100 photos in 100 days has turned me into a drunken, camera wielding alcoholic who is constantly at the ready. I don't even bother to put the camera down now. As long as I have a hand free for that drink I will have no problems and may just be successful in taking 1 million photos so I can pick 100 good ones.

*Total props goes to Cat for taking this photo.

Edit: Does anyone know why the spacing won't work in my post? It looks great when I compose it but when I publish it all mashes together. Help!

Happy 100, a Blog Resolution

I have been kicking around what to do for my 100th post. I absolutely refuse to do a list of 100 anything Cat, so sorry. I have decided that in honor of my 100th post I will post 100 pictures. Not now sillies! 100 pictures over the next 100 days. I haven't decided if the pictures will be taken that day or if they will be photos from years ago. I just dunno but I do know that this is my blog and i'll decide. Got it?

Todays photo was taken last night. This is how we drunken housewives roll. You dig?Happy 2009!

Just a quick edit......I somehow ended up deleting my entire blog roll. UGH!